Anger Management Support Group
Anger management commonly refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive or uncontrollable anger can control or reduce their emotions. Typical examples include the use of deep breathing and meditation as a means to relaxation. Psychologists recommend a balanced approach, which both controls the emotion and allows it to express itself in a healthy way.
hey guys. I was wondering that if you live in a house and grow up with someone like a parent that has an anger problem, are the children more likly to be angry adults and have problems? as i have lived in a house where my father has always been angry and since been faced with a terminal illness which was diagnosed 4 years ago he has become worse. he has a short temper and won't let things go ever. latly he is upset that some of his siblings have back stabbed him and feel out with him because of an argument. If something isn't right he screams, throws stuff and insults my mom. I'm in university and go back there early just to have a break. he loves my brother as hes working hard going into the armed forces. just because iv refused to follow my brother as iv grew up in his shadow me and my dad have resorted to only speaking when he's arguing with me usually about my bf as he doesn't like him. I go home to spend time with my family but im always upstairs in my room because my dad will get angry over something and il move before anything happens. I'm always angry as i gave my time when 16 and 17 to care for him and mom when they were both sick. he says I have his anger and i have to control it, but if im always scared and walking on eggshells around him, how can i be calm. he doesn't know much about me like all the tough times i faced where i went into a dark place and nearly didn't return.i talked to him plenty of times saying i want the emotional closeness me and my dad had as i was daddy's little girl when i was young. I mean don't get me wrong he's lovey when he's in an ok and happy mood, but it doesn't take much to set him off angry. maybe I should just give up trying as I have been trying for 3 years as it took him 2 and half years to say he was proud of me for finishing college and getting into university full stop.
14 years later ive become a strange subject with multiple personalities. As a young adult I cant be as mad as my relative since I pity them. Sure we bump heads now but overall I shouldnt waste much strength to prove a point since they are already dealing with their own problems and only their own problems will catch up to them.
Other than that I have very random patterns of anger issues. I can be fine with a small issue or mishap one day and if the same situation occured I could take it the wrong way. Controlling my anger is another story but Im strong enough to know when its the right time to be angry and when its not.
As long as you continue striving for what you want in life and just letting by gones be by gones, you should be ok. Everyone's personality is different when it comes to perceiving someone elses emotions growing up.
Let me share something with you. As a child my Dad would fly into fits of anger that were frightening. To this day I am extremley scared of my Dad, even though he has done a complete turn around and I never see him getting that angry anymore and when he starts to get irritated he turns it off very quickly.
I love my Dad, when I was young, like I said he would get very angry. I don't love my Dad like a car or someone would a dress, I mean I REALLY love my Dad. It took time and never giving up though. One time I remember someone else getting him very angry, my older brother, and I knew he had become very angry. I walked up to him trying to comfort him with a smile trying to make him happy. Not only did this make him even angrier, he yelled at me louder and more angry than he was yelling at my older brother. I quickly realized he needed space when he was angry.
To answer your question, Yes anger is contagious and is passed down from generation to generation both from viewing it and it being hereditary. For instance last night I got so angry over something so simple that I actually was yelling at celebrities and television commercials as if the people were in the room! lol. While I was doing this I said to myself, "I'm just like Dad."
My cure currently for my anger problems are eating a meal, and then getting some rest. Anger is like a drug, once it is in your body you can't wish it away. People who don't have anger problems cannot relate because the thought that anger could intoxicate someone doesn't make sense to them. Exercise also helps with my anger, but it can intensify it too, so it has to be moderate and not intense when I am angry.
Humans naturally get frustrated, which leads to anger. Life is bigger than us and it's easy to feel down about it. This feeling down then leads to anger, that can quickly become a habit, that can then quickly become a way of life. The thing that makes me almost know that you Dad completely loves you is your line when you said he said 'I have his anger and I need to control it." He must love you because he doesn't want you to suffer from anger like he feels he does.
At your age, it's important to continue to love your Dad and focus on his good qualities, what you like about him. Don't be afraid to tell him you love his good qualities and the things you like about him. His self-esteem has probably been harmed by the hurt he has recieved by others, and telling him these things will show you won't hurt him and don't want to either. When a person is wronged they often feel they did something to deserve it or that they are the bad people. I find this not to be true, even if he made some mistakes, he's still a human being and deserves respect.
At the same time, so do you though, so if he complains, gentley tell him you do not like it. If he talks about your bf, consider what he is saying, don't take it as a threat to your relationships, it's his way of saying "I'm your Dad and I don't want to see someone treat you wrong."
I've dated women whose father's have seemed to hate me upon first sight. One guy started laughing hysterically when he first met me. It was his way of saying the relationship wouldn't work, and guess what, it didn't, lol. It really was nothing personal, they just didn't want to see their daughter harmed and were scared at it potentially being so.
I recommend you write a letter to your Dad. Tell your Dad about the "walking on eggshells" comment you made, sometimes the angry have to see how damaging they are being to their loved ones for their eyes to open up and change to happen. The reason I recommend the letter is this story, lol, it is hilarious to me now but wasn't so funny back then.
There was a period in my life about 7 years ago, even after my Dad had learned to control his anger, that we couldn't even have a conversation without the possibility of us physically fighting being there. I had alot of work to do on my anger, but my tone must have always been irritating him when I would speak to him, it was very counterproductive and only seemed to make us angrier at each other. He was looking at how I was harming him in general, and I was still kinda angry at him from the past when he used to get angry at me for no good reason.
Luckily I met a sort of mentor who suggested I write both my parents a letter telling them what was going on with me. I was sure it wasn't going to work, I was also sure my Dad hated me, for good reason this time though, I had been seriously messing up in life. It worked though and I continue to do it to this day.
The response from my parents after they read my letters was mostly of silence and awe. They didn't realize that I was really just angry at myself, for not being a better son. They didn't realize that deep down inside I was really scared of the world and had been rebelling against it. They didn't realize I had been going through alot of pain, but masking it with anger.
Now everything is good, me and my Dad still disagree alot, but I have a better understanding of where he is coming from and we're more like good friends instead of parent and sybling now. Now that anger isn't the central theme between us, I've got a better picture of the person he is and how he functions and it's made me more sympathic and compassionate towards him and his situations.
The sad part is I still fear him, I'm sure alot of sons do and daughters as well when it comes to Dad's and Mom's. I am frantically not in favor of having children, simply because I don't want them to be like he or me, something that will go away in time. I have told him about being scared of him and he thinks it's silly with everything he has done for me, and it's been alot, but it's there and I can't deny it's existence.
In terms of fear, this is a subject I am just currently starting to deal with without anger, and my remedy for fear is humor. Why should I fear a man who always fed me, always made sure I had a roof over my head, bought me Jordans, never doesn't give me money when I ask him for it, paid for college and a car and my rent when I couldn't, and bailed me out of jail, and tried his best to teach me his wisdom? When I look at all those facts, I too think the fear is ridiculous and it makes me laugh, then we both have something to laugh about, and it's my stupidity! lol.
Don't worry about he and your brother's relationship. The military and men create a bond that is hard for women to understand. Your Dad seeming to like or love or be more accepting of you brother is just his way of simply loving his son, who by the way could go to war one day, a parent's worst nightmare.
Everything that has happened to you and is currently happening to you seems bad now, but it is going to help you in the long run and make you a better and stronger person.
I've got a song for you it's by DaftPunk and it's called Harder Better Faster Stronger, or something like that, go to youtube and listen to it, it might make you feel better. I say this because good music helps with fear and anger. If you don't like it, that's fine, find some other sort of music that gives you energy and makes you feel good. Try to stay away from music that can make you sad, angry, or worried.
Peace.