I love your first sentence, and have some issues although as yet no amputations. I go to a very nice VA pain clinic and use a wheelchair. The receptionist, who is very efficient and otherwise professional, uses "elderspeak", calling patients "honey" and stuff in a fake little "boo-hoo sympathy" voice. And all this just because people who come in the door are on pain meds.
Research has shown that people spoken to in such a manner come to have less confidence in themselves. It is very disabling.

In our lives before we had the current, visible challenges, a person might have offered to open a door for me when I was young and strong - like when pushing a baby in a stroller. And I APPRECIATED such a gesture because it was not delivered in pity. I think it's the DELIVERY that's offensive. And, family should get to know our capabilities and learn to be sensitive to what we CAN and CANNOT do and not repeat offers of help in the same situation over and over.

I worked in special education for years, and know how important it is NOT TO condescend to people with disabilities, no matter how young, no matter the disability. Folks out there in the world need education on treating all others like full persons!
- use a respectful tone, and don't let your body language grandstand or look like you're doing your good deed for the day for the God and the world to see it. There will always be some doofs who just don't "get it."

Hey all
Ok...Im gonna step in it this time...!
In my opion...your have to focus on what u have control over...not the things you have no control over...
I think most time...we assume...or take for granted what the other person is thinking...some times..because we are sensitive and defensive....Once we get over being sensitive...we can come to
the point...where we realize that they in there own way ....are tying to be nice..at least most people are....in my experience...

Its like a funneral....sorry for your lost?

does not seem...so quick witted...but what else are you suppose to say....they are no...right answers...you are just trying to let them know...you care...
I think the same applies..for the most part...people dont know the correct..thing to say...if there is such a thing...so they say what comes natural too them...all us amputees react differently to the way people treat us...its not on them to change....its on us...to
understand....that in most situations...they are trying to be nice..and not sure..what your reaction will be..
That being said..my pet peeve...was when people would come into the hostpital...after my car accident.and the first thing they would say...is..."are you every lucky" ...lol...seemed like the lamest thing in the world to say to some one..an inch from dead...but now...I just think... what they were trying to say...is I am glad your still with us....

I guess what I am saying is yes its annoying..but they mean well...
have a great day all

Stay Frosty

You know that Frosty, sometimes he hits the nail right on the head. Personally I have no problem with running around in a pair of shorts and having folks look at me sideways with that "what happened to you" look on their face. Okay, run is not a proper term for me, even walking fast is still out there, but nonetheless, Having curious glances or even questions about the condition really don't bother me at all, I chalk it up to the human curiosity. I even got a kick out of a youngster who, after we settled the fact that I lost my leg, asking me how I squeezed my foot thru that pole to get into my shoe.
That having been said, I guess I also understand the other aspect brought up. As a cancer victim, I keep that info pretty close to my chest, mainly because the reaction to that is the invariable "I don't know what to say, OMG is he going to die tomorrow look". I would rather just not see that on people's faces so most of the folks I work with or know are not aware. We had a fellow at work who was looking at a Brain Stem Glioma diagnosis and people in the office were so distraught, stating that they just didn't know what to say, how to comfort him, what to do. Maybe you are running into those folks too much. If so, try to help them understand a little better that you are up to the task of taking on whatever else is thrown at you!
Kevin

Okay, I'll step back in. The original post wasn't talking about curious children; it was addressing only adults.

After working in special education over a decade, I know the value of educating the public. However, people have to take responsibility to be sensitive to others. When special ed teachers could not learn to drop the condescending voice, they were eventually fired. Most already had the sensitivity not to speak in such a way, after years of college and volunteer work with children, but some just "never get it" and of those I was speaking.

having been a double hand amputee for over 40yrs now i have had that type of thing happen many times.im guessing you are a fairly recent amputee ? as for family i think they are trying to help you because it is very hard for them to see you struggle and having had to watch you go through all of this is v ery hard for them to. its comendable of you to want to do everything , but one word of cautionn here . some people and esp family memebers might mistake your not wanting help as anger towards them. also it could be mistaken for being conceded or even aloofness. please try to understand they are trying to help and most realy care.

Hey Dennis - I know exactly what you mean b/c I was that way once too...probably still am in a sense. Now, I try and play the "but I'm missing one leg" card with my family - doesn't fly with them anymore lol. I guess I must be too far down the road. They just laugh at me and say do it yourself... lol. Though, if it is something I really do need help with, they will help no questions asked. I think you and I need to compare it to say when my Dad and Mom had heart problems -- I would jump in and say, NO, you guys don't need to be lifting that heavy stuff or no, you shouldn't be doing this or that. I think until each of us are in the situation and really know what can and can't be done with a specific condition, we try and jump in and do what we think is best for that person. My advice? Take the offers of help while you are still getting them....lol! Good luck! :)

hell my wife tells me to do shit myself..she says nothing wrong with you do it your damn self...damn she mean asssssssss..lmao

I usally get the same reply that caspertard00 gets. My family,and the people I work with cut me no breaks.

I can honestly say,other than a few "lookers" and a few people that ask what happened,I don't see a difference in the way people treat me.Most things that I ask for help,or someone offers to help me with,are things that anyone would need help with.I get quite a few people looking ,especially during the winter months,because I wear shorts year round.

Thank you for all of your words of support and I do understand on why they do the thing they do. That's why I didn't use the word hate its to strong of a word to use. I know it will take time to prove to them that I am capable of doing thing that they don't think I should be doing, but all I have to do is prove them wrong and show them that I am and I will asked for help when needed.

Thank you again
Dennis

Dennis - you can look at this both ways - sometimes I do appreciate the fact that others recognize that we all have limits. My wife cannot lift as much weight as I can but she can steady a ladder on a steep incline that I could not do. We try to work as a team so in the situation with the dog and the driveway - it really is not what you can or can't do, it is - which one of the two of us is best equipped to do this. You have heard the old glass half empty or glass half full analogy - Maybe you wife was the best one to take the dog up the driveway - you might have been the best one to wash the dogs paws if he/she had any mud on them. I don't see that as a negative aimed at you. Rather, you are so fortunate to have a loving partner who is willing to help whenever her skills and abilities best match the task at hand. I guess the same is true with your sister - she is being over protective and probably the two of you need to have a little chat the next time that happens - like "Hey Sis, why did you just say that?" Clearly, she feels some need to protect you and lets be honest. Sure, you can carry that microwave stand but if you do slip or fall and get hurt, how do you think you sister is going to feel?
The driving thing is a little more complex. I found it hard to drive a stick in a regular passengar car. In my brothers pick up, driving a stick was easier. It means that your leg has to fit so tight that there will never be an issue with you getting your artificial leg on the brake or the clutch or the gas pedal. I tried driving a sports car with a stick and there was not enough room for me to get my right leg off the gas and up high enough to hit the brake - I often got it caught under the brake pedal which would be a disaster if I were driving. I had to sell the car and get the same car with an automatic. Not as much fun to drive but I loved that Toyota Supra and it was a kick to drive even with a less responsive automatic. Maybe you have to make the same choice. Dennis - I like your "can do" attitude - you won on the CDL - way to go! Many of the newere rigs are going to automatic because they get better milage and maybe you can be retested on a stick at a later time. For now, be thankful you did pass and got your license back - that is great - keep up the good work.
John

we are all used to doing it ourselves. we have to prove to us and everyone else we can. not!. the ones that love us don't understand how it is because it isn't them. they want to help. at first my wife said i'll do it. now she says get your a-- up and do something. pity party is over big boy. but i know if i need her she will be right there beside me. i don't know all my limits and neither does she. she says she is tired of trying to say the right thing. not do too much. you want help ask for it. but don't be stupid. they love you, be patient with them.