I wish I could find some humor in your day, and last year I might have, but not this year. It is so sad and I know what you are saying when you say it creeps you out. It is all to strange!

I so agree with you both. Took my hubby to the dr today and after he suggested we go to dinner at a really nice restaurant. I commented after we finished dinner that the coffee was so strong it would keep me up all night. He looked at me and said a suggestive comment and it really creeped me out. The last couple of weeks have been non-stop horrible and a fancy dinner makes him think I am going to have sex tonight. It would be like having sex with a stranger.

another reason why I switched us to twin beds, it seems wrong to me to have anything resembling a sexual relationship with at this point, like he is really a child. I just can't bring myself to do it. The man I am taking care of is technically my legal husband but he is not the person I married or a person I even recognize.

all 'this' has caused me to wonder and ask almost ceaseless questions...

are you still married if the person you married disappears and becomes an unrecognizable person...if yes, what/who is it that you marry, a birth certificate, a driver's license, a certain body...

what IS a person.....

is a person the same person if they do not have a mind?

is a person a body and a mind, just a body...what?

I know it's totally stupid to ruminate on questions like these ...but I do....

I think of the same things, I think it depends on you, I think that depending on your beliefs and religion, etc people will have different answers. What do I think? I'm not sure. I feel tremendous concern and love for my husband right now. I absolutely feel committed to caring for him but is he my husband? I feel that he is not not my husband in the emotional, spiritual sense. I mean, if I met this man on the street and he asked me out on a date would I go? No way. I think that at this point I am morally married to him but emotionally.

Deb, haven't talked to you in a long while. What stage do you think Rollie is at now? Sounds like he may be getting to a place where he sees you as an attachment of himself, thus the hand on the shoulder more consistently. Kind of like an autistic child who will pick up your hand to make it do something for him because he sees it as an attachment of his because it does so much for him. Am I making any sense? Or it just may be comforting for him. It would creep me out, too, I undertand. Marianne.....remember, your person's spirit cannot be touched by Alzheimer's....the mind runs the body, but not the spirit......you are still married to your husband's spirit, at least. I know if it were me dealing with my husband with Alz. at the stages where yours are at, I could NOT have sex with him. They do lose their inhibitions at a certain point, (my Dad did), and it's really hard because they will come on to you (you should have to be a daughter and have this happen, even though I knew he had stopped seeing me as his daughter, just knew I was someone who somehow belonged to him because I was there all the time, and he knew me.....it was very hard.....only happened a few times and I dealt with it calmly and said, no, that is not something you do with your daughter, I am your daughter. When he realized that, he was ashamed and would apologize like crazy). This is some horrendous disease. I wish you all the best. Praying for you all daily.

Becky

Becky, I believe Rollie is end Stage 6 starting into Stage 7. I find your theory interesting and it is really making me think. It isn't enough for him to see me anymore he has to feel me. I believe that his sight isn't too good anymore, not that he can't see as in poor vision but as in doesn't understand what he sees anymore.

Its all so weird anymore. I (we) have a dear friend of mine who is very good with Rob and makes him laugh and deals with his situation well. ur lately as he is falling deeper in to this disease she is treating him more like a child and constanly hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Things she would never do if he were his old self. I know she means it with kindness ut I am not sure how it is affecting him as he seems a little at a loss when she does. I don't know how to handle it without hurting her feelings ..........HELP????

Sher, I think I would let her continue. We have a couple who are very good to us and the woman is very kind to Rollie and I can tell he feels it because he always wants to hug and has even tried to kiss her. He never would have done that before but I think now he needs encouragement from anywhere. But that's my opinion.

This is the most difficult part of the disease for me. Who is this man? He is not the man I married. I am his caregiver now and find any intimacy degrading and repulsive. He is a stranger to me and I do not care to have sex with a stranger. I don't know what to do about this. I hate it I just want to cry today. I think I will.

Love to all of you,

Sharon

We went through that stage a few years ago. I was so relieved when my husband suggested we sleep in separate rooms because I was snoring too much. It was really he who kept me awake with his snoring so I was delighted.
Thankfully his interest in sex disappeared althogether and I was glad. Like others I was his caregiver and could no longer share any intimacy with him for that reason.

Deb; you are probably right! I guess I should just be glad she cares and let it be.

My husband was just diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, but I have been dealing with the symptoms for some time. I guess I was in denial. I agree that these actions can be creepy because our men just don't act like themselves anymore. I believe that I am still married to him and that I always will be "Till death do us part" and he needs me now more than ever. I am very lucky to have a very mature 14 year old who intervenes at times when I cannot handle the situation on my own.

I had a day like that yesterday, Sharon. First, he wouldn't eat his breakfast; then he wouldn't coooperate enough for me to clean him up. So, I went to the sunporch and cried and cried and cried until there were no more tears left. Took a Xanax and calmed myself down enough to continue my day.

Today is beginning the same way, but I have walked away from the situation and will go back in a while and see what I can do.

You all take care
Mary

Hi, I'm new here. I hope it's ok if I post here. The lady that I take care of doesn't have alzheimers but, she does have dementia. I'm not even sure what the difference is. I posted over there but, not much happening there at all. My problem is that the lady that I take care of 24/7 is hitting me and biting and cusing. I asked the family if I can give her a small peice of Seroquel to help calm her down. They do not like her taking it during the day. She gets a 25 miligram tablet at bedtime. She was at it again and I gave her a piece. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by doing this. The daughter said, no and the husband said, yes. The grandsons don't want her on anything. It's crazy.