Oh, Deb.....

How hard.....no matter what else has happened, this is so hard.....

As your DS ALZ sister, i am with you in spirit....standing with you in this sad time....prayers for you, for Rollie and for your family.....

I understand part of what you are feeling. Sometimes I feel like we are focusing on the illness instead of the person. My mom is at the stage where she is torn between focusing on dad and being mad at what has happened to her dream of retirement.

At least once these details are taken care of you will be able to have some peace when the time comes. Know that you are doing this in his honor.

I can not even imagine how that feels, and I am sorry you had to go through that. The only thing I can say that is it may be true to get these things even tho they are hard out of the way now. I think if he was not sick it would not be so hard. I have a brother and his wife who already made all their decisions now so they would not have the other deal with it when the time comes down to what food was to be served at their wake my brother picked finger sandwiches and M&Ms I swear that detailed.

I think it makes us feel guilty to talk and make arrangements while our loved one is sitting right next to us.

I am so sorry Deb and hug you in my heart for the pain that you are feeling.

I do agree with Manny. I can remember about 15 years ago
BD (before dementia) that for a few months it seemed as if every time we went out for dinner we got on the subject of what we wanted when we died........type of funeral, cremation vs burial, etc. It really didn't seem morbid at all. We did a lot of laughing about it.......and actually celebrated buying our burial plots by going out to dinner. We told our kids that we had bought some property and they cracked up when we told them it was in the cemetery behind the church where our grand kids were christened.

We have had living wills since I became a nurse and realized the importance of having one. We were both registered as organ donors as well. I think life would be a lot easier if we were able to accept death as a part of living. It isn't easy but we mourn and grieve and learn to move on. Never forgetting or thinking about our Mom or brother or husband........but learning that life will go on without them. If we are fortunate enough to have faith and believe that someday we will reunite with our loved ones it does make it easier.

As a nurse, life and death was an occasional discussion around our dinner table. Our boys knew at a young age that it was ok to discuss any subject they had questions or concerns about.

So sorry that this stage is happening . My daughter asked me the other day if I have thought about what cemetery I would use. It is difficult to face these things, but I do think in the long run, it is better to do thing ahead of time. We lost our son- in-law a few years ago, to pancreatic cancer, and in the very late stage my daughter made the arrangements, and saw how difficult it was for her, but it was easier when he passed.

The more you can do before the end.. the better.

When death occurs.. even if expected.. it is very hard. You are so
tired and brain fuzzy you don't think right.. make poor choices.. spend too much money.

While Ron was in the hospice facility I prepared an obituary for him.
I didn't want to forget anything important and you do when you are pressed for details .

We already had our burial plot and marker. I called the funeral home a few days before his death.. introducing myself and giving them a heads up that we would be needing their services soon.
I wanted them to know who we were when the call came.

Think about these things now.. you will be so glad later.

Judy

Dear sweet Deb.....My heart goes out to you. Only Judy and Glenda can really give true advice on this but the rest of us try because we love you and we care.

I do believe the more you can do ahead the better (maybe we all should really think about this)and the easier it will be when it happens. Not in the sense of sadness but in the sense of making good decisions.

Moebid as it seems I have even started gathering favorite pictures of my hubby for "the memory board" at the funeral when that time comes as i know when it really does I wouldn't be able to do it.

Talk about a mixed bag of feelings, relief,sorrow,loss,freedom,hurt,pain,I could go on and on. We all know how hard this is but we have know idea how hard it will be when they REALLY leave us ...always hard for anyone , but for all of us 24/7 caregivers who this has been our complete life for however many years I have a feeling we may really feel lost and wondering what to do.

I am praying for you dear friend and hope when the time comes that it is as peaceful as possible. Luv you......Sherri