I think our grieving started years ago.. and continues in little bursts until the physical death.. where a new kind of grief begins.

Deb, You know that you can work through this as much and as often and as long as you need to here.....

I have tried hard to put Ron's family on a back burner since his death, but I do find angry little pieces of thoughts and emotions popping out now and again....I did tell myself that I will work on letting this go as time goes along.....it is very difficult to understand how people can be so self-centered to not be 'present' for a person in their last years on earth.

Even though we grieved for so much for years, there is a new kind of grief after the death and the funeral......

peace.....

Maybe if you thought of it from a different perspective it would make more sense. I'm not saying this is true...just a guess...but what if his family stayed away because they felt you were taking good care of him and that they were intruding? Or what if they (mother especially) felt guilty for him getting Alz? Or maybe they felt that he choose you over them.

I've had lots of family turmoil in my family and my husbands. What became clear to me in the past year or so is that there is a lot that I didn't know. Things my mother never talked about, even as recently as ten years ago. Things that happened in my husbands family that no one talks about but they sure do remember. And all of these things affect how people feel and act. Then throw in the misunderstandings and things everyone assumes are common knowledge and the soup begins to boil.

I'm not saying that they were right to act the way they did. And certainly not saying they should be forgiven. But maybe you can find some peace and acceptance if you can see that there are so many things that make us who we are and most of them are invisible to others.

Tigg, I like what you said, there is a lot of truth there, I do know that his family, the entire family, aunts, uncles, etc are all dysfunctional and they are as nasty to each other as they were to Rollie and I so it isn't just me. I know that, but I think I can't wrap my head around it too much because my family is so loving and caring.

It just seems so sad that families can't let go of issues and I guess this is just a part of life I have to learn.

Keep in mind that the only one who is hurt by your anger is YOU. His family doesn't care if you are upset, if they even realize it.

Deborah,it is so sad that you have to deal with this at all.In my mind, it really does not make much difference WHY they were not their for you, or for Rollie.The fact remains that they were NOT.I think that I would be just as angry.

Try to remember that Rollie knew these people his entire life,and probably did not expect anything from them.He knew how they operated.Take care of yourself and your needs.You do not owe them anything.You will never be able to understand their behavior,because you are decent,caring and loving,Their behavior is totally foreign to your very nature.Blessings...........Cheryl

You will never understand his family and you know what ..Who cares? Don't wrap your head around that ...wrap it around yourself and your family and Your Rollie. Thats all that matters. As was already said Rollie knew what his family was like ..........but he also knew what his family with you was like and thats what he had all the way to the end.

Whatever he did or did not remember we don't know but I do believe he knew he was loved in his life with you and thats what matters. Friday is for Rollie and you...just concentrate on that as that is what matters!Trust me thats enough on your plate for now.

Love you and will praying special prayers for a peaceful beautiful service and good by to the man you love. Sherri

I know that Friday is going to be difficult to say goodbye to your Rollie. I know that it would be difficult for me to be civil to his family but I would do my best and when it is all over I would erase them from my life permanently. Erase them and erase your anger. They really don't deserve the energy it takes to be angry. Hugs and prayers.....Jeanmarie

Deb, I think most all of us would be angry. How could they? Yet they did and do. After a while they may realize the enormity of what they did to Rollie and you and just have to live with that knowledge forever.
After Friday they are out of your life. Please don't let them have room in your head. They do not deserve it. As said in another post your anger will just pain you. Get professionall help later if it continues to be a problem but at this stage I think your anger is justified. You have been and are going through enough. Just bask in the love of your family and friends. And go one day at a time. Love and hugs, Sandy

Deb, it is so funny that you posted this.(not like funny haha) but funny that my girl friend and I were talking about this a few weeks ago. She lost her husband in a skiing accident in a blink of an eye, gone. She looked at me and said I was like a widow in that the man I married is gone. He is still here in body but not in other ways. Watching this man leave me has been a slow death in so many ways.There is no term for us, so she gave me a term, half widow.

As too family his claim I am only here for their money. What I have learned is it is all about money for them so how could any one be different than them? They are putting their sh!t on me. so when I figured that out it was over for me, no more.Anyone who has walked this road knows there is not enough money to make you stay and do what we do every day.

Hugs to all and pray that everyone has time to breath.Sorry about the losses many have seen lately.

You are all right and I am so grateful for your answers, it helps me a lot. When we first got together he said to me, "I have a real family now." and that's really what it's all about, isn't it? He was unhappy with his family and with me he had the family he always wanted but never had, maybe that's part of their issue that they are jealous that we had a nice life together.

I think that is very much the case with Ron and me...and one of the things I feel so very good about......I know Ron, before he had expressive aphasia in 05 talked his heart to me and that bonded us so much......

so yes, Deb he finally had a real family in you.....

Ditto to deb and Marianne.

They are not worth any emotion you have. They have been cruel and hurtful. They are jealous that Rollie loved and chose you over them. Be polite and don't give them another thought.

Love to you,

Sharon