Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
Recent;y a friend emailed me about how I was doing and she asked, 'does he go everywhere with you?'
I am sharing my answer because the shadowing thing is really driving me nuts. I mean really crazy. At the moment I have slipped out of bed and am sitting on the couch, I feel like a criminal stealing these precious moments to my self.
Rollie goes EVERYWHERE with me and I mean everywhere, even across the room! If I get up, he gets up. When I open the bathroom door he is there waiting for me. If I go to the kitchen to get a drink he comes along, when I am on the computer, like now he is sitting right next to me (staring off into space), when I watch TV he is sitting on the couch RIGHT next to me! Sometimes I just want to scream at him, leave me alone for just 5 minutes! But it would do no good he has no idea and and can't control it. It is called 'shadowing' and they all do it. His psych explained that they stay close to their primary caregiver because they know that person is their life line. Sometimes he doesn't even know who I am and yet he always knows that I am important to him and that he must keep me in his sight at all times. Sometimes the kids will take him away somewhere or watch him for an hour or two but not often. The stress of me being away from him is so intense for him and it is hard to find someone who can be with him for very long. I do have a respite worker from the VA but leaving him creates such stress for him that when I do come back he is on high anxiety level for hours after I come home. So I have to weigh, is one or two hours away worth the 5 - 6 hours of stress when I come home? He is terrified of being alone. We even sleep with a night light in our room and along the hallways. However, when he is with me, other than the staying close he is quiet and docile. My mom watched him for me a few weekends ago for 3 hours and when I came home, she said she almost went crazy. I could sit around and feel sorry for myself and whine and complain and cry but what is that going to do for me? Nothing, so I just do what I can and move on. Aren't you sorry you asked that question?
I am sharing my answer because the shadowing thing is really driving me nuts. I mean really crazy. At the moment I have slipped out of bed and am sitting on the couch, I feel like a criminal stealing these precious moments to my self.
Rollie goes EVERYWHERE with me and I mean everywhere, even across the room! If I get up, he gets up. When I open the bathroom door he is there waiting for me. If I go to the kitchen to get a drink he comes along, when I am on the computer, like now he is sitting right next to me (staring off into space), when I watch TV he is sitting on the couch RIGHT next to me! Sometimes I just want to scream at him, leave me alone for just 5 minutes! But it would do no good he has no idea and and can't control it. It is called 'shadowing' and they all do it. His psych explained that they stay close to their primary caregiver because they know that person is their life line. Sometimes he doesn't even know who I am and yet he always knows that I am important to him and that he must keep me in his sight at all times. Sometimes the kids will take him away somewhere or watch him for an hour or two but not often. The stress of me being away from him is so intense for him and it is hard to find someone who can be with him for very long. I do have a respite worker from the VA but leaving him creates such stress for him that when I do come back he is on high anxiety level for hours after I come home. So I have to weigh, is one or two hours away worth the 5 - 6 hours of stress when I come home? He is terrified of being alone. We even sleep with a night light in our room and along the hallways. However, when he is with me, other than the staying close he is quiet and docile. My mom watched him for me a few weekends ago for 3 hours and when I came home, she said she almost went crazy. I could sit around and feel sorry for myself and whine and complain and cry but what is that going to do for me? Nothing, so I just do what I can and move on. Aren't you sorry you asked that question?
Ron never shadowed me around the house... but if we were shopping.. he was so close behind me .. if I stopped he would bump into me. He , also, would put his hands on my shoulders and try to push or direct me around the store. I'm sure we made quite a sight. Our little Choo-Choo train.
I was looking through my journal last night (wish I had started it at the get go).. and remembered so many irritating behaviors that are no longer happening. Remember him peeing in the kitchen sink ? GAWD ! I about freaked out of my gourd. But.. one day it stopped.. just as quick as it started.
Now - if I could just get him to stop handing me poop .. Grrr.
I feel your frustration .. it has to be annoying and confining.
Hugs and good vibes going your way.
Judy
Monday is my big day out when I go to my Weight Watchers meeting.
I can only hope that this shadowing will soon pass and hope that whatever replaces it isn't quite as annoying.
Hang in there Deb.......that is just about all we can do..........
Of course he tends to do it when I'm at my bussiest, like after I've brought home a car full of groceries and am trying to put them away, start the woodstove if it needs it and get dinner started because by then we are both always hungry.
There are some areas in our kitchen that get tight inspite of how big and open it is and when I've been gone shopping it is not just Neal who shadows me, the dogs are right there with my every step and half a dozen cats or so join the train...Judy I can picture your choo choo easily as we do our own version, lol
Of course Neal wants to be near me, and I think he may even want to help. If Winter is here she will just tell him to go sit down as he makes her real crazy real fast but I usualy try to be more gentle about it, by buying some treat for him and then suggesting he take it to his chair and eat it while I put things away and fix dinner. That does work most of the time for now and when it doesn't I do sometimes get a little more forceful if I can't figure out some other way to get him out of my way.
I like that idea of giving him a treat to 'get him out of the way' for a minute. I'll have to try that.
was for him.. even a peeled onion ! It about drove me nuts. i couldn't peel a potato and lay it down.. that he didn't grab it. Maddening.
But like everything in this horrible disease.. that behavior went away, too.
He usualy stays out of the kitchen when I'm cooking, unless he's had to go potty or been helping me do something like unload the car and he's out of his normal position in his chair, that seems to add to his confusionl. The way our house is built and where his chair sits he can see me at the stove while I'm working and most of the time that seems to keep him happy.
It's usualy if I'm also trying to do several other things at the same time and he loses sight of me for awhile that he starts calling, if I'm inside and answer him he stays in his chair but if I'm running in and out and don't hear him he often comes looking for me and then we have this puppy dog in the kitchen thing get going.