My husband wasn't in a nursing home, but was in a hospice facility the last four weeks of his life. And, yes, I felt tremendous guilt. I knew the end was near and 2nd guessed myself constantly.

After a few days I realized part of my feelings were relief that I wasn't doing everything any longer. Each day it became easier to cope as I acknowledged the wonderful care he was receiving.

Just take things a day at a time, these feelings are perfectly normal. You did your best for a long, long time.

Hugs and blessings !

Judy

thank you, Judy. It sounds as though you cared for your husband far longer than I did. I wish I had held on and may yet take him back.
This has been the hardest decision of my life and I don't think I will ever be at peace with it.

You did the right thing. We can't be everything for every body. You did what you did out of love. You wanted the best for your husband, and you did it. Don't crusify yourself. He is going to be okay. I can only hope you will be okay too. These kinds of decisions are not easy. Be kind to yourself.

Ingelo - There becomes a point where we can no longer handle them physically. My husband was able to get up (with assistance) and walk a little ( with assistance). But it was becoming very hard and I had an injured knee. We had 7 steps to get to the bathroom and I was becoming VERY worried about "our" ability to navigate them. Hospice convinced me that it was just a matter of days before we could no longer do the stairs. If he was not so close to the end, I would have had to place him in a NH.
Please take comfort that you have done what is best for you both.

One of my best friends whose husand had Alzheimer's had to make that very difficult decision to put him in a nursing home. She was riddled with guilt, but it was the best decision she could have ever made.

Everything about Alzheimer's brings guilt. I hate it. You just have to do what you have to do. He will be all right. Make sure you are.

Love to you,

Sharon

That is where your husband is now. You need to make it the best for you and for him. When you go visit him, be as positive as you can for hin and for you. Make your visits count. He needs that as much as you. Bring him fruit. Bring him smippits of the outside world. Bring joy to him. Bring joy to yourself.

I can't begin to tell you how much I admire my friend Wanda. Her huIsband had Alzheimer's. That is how I met her because her husband was in the nursing home where I worked. She was there every day to see her husband. She would have stood on her head for this man. I never saw such dedication. I only wish everyone could be like Wanda.

Ingelo it seems to me that there must be something in the DNA of caregivers that makes us all feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You are doing what you thought was best and when we are unable physically and/or emotionally to care for our loved one.....it is the right thing to do. Hugs and prayers and hope that you will give this some time before doing anything rash.

I am so sorry....I can tell you struggled with your decision..but I think you know in your heart it was the right thing to do. I remeber asking someone in my live support group.."How did you know when it was time to place your husband?" She said "You just know"

I think perhaps you "JUST KNEW" and I am sure it was the right thing. That doesn't make it any easier we all hope we can go the distyance.........but the distance does not mean the end...........it means the distance for each of us. None of us knows that distance until we hit it.

If even your daycare couldn't hanle it anymore , how could you. Pat yourself on the back for all the care and love you have given , and still will. Just because he now lives there doesn't mean you are not still his most valuable life connection. God Bless you. Hugs my friend and trust in yourself. Sherbear2

You are an amazing group of people and I'm so thankful I found you.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the social worker and that may also help to put things further into perspective for me.
Today I had to take my husband to the doctor and even with my son's help it was difficult.
I am fortunate in that he is within walking distance from our house so I can go to see him, come home for a bit and go back. I try to be there for his lunch and dinner but I realize that I also have to give him time to begin to relate to the staff in case there are times when I cannot be there.
I didn't cry today which is a good sign!

God bless you.

Ingelo, I am proud of you for doing the right thing. I only hope I can do the same when the time comes. I know there seems to be guilt attached to everything we do for them.

They have anti-depressant pills, we need an anti-guit pill too.

I'm sure you will both adjust in a few more days. You did the right thing for both of you.

Hugs.......Carolyn

I like the idea of an anit- guilt pill! Now I even feel guilty when I tell my 90 year old mom that I slept well.
I feel guilty that I haven't been able to see her as often as I like. I'm torn between that and helping my husband adjust in the nursing home. Talk about feeling sandwiched- that's me!

ingelo,

what a difficult spot you are in....hopefully things will settle...

it has been hard at very step to feel we were doing the right thing, what needed to be done at that time...

i think this is definitely one day at a time territory!

hugs