Perhaps , there may be a good point to the memory loss. Maybe he really didn't remember the hurt from his family and the lack of affection shown by them .....

AND.........only remembered the love that you and your family (which became his) showered on him. After all that is the life he was living and that is what his days consisted of. This may be one time to be thankful for loss of memory and confusion.

The important thing is he did get the love and sffection he deserved and you are resposible for that ...and for that be glad and thankful. HE KNEW HE WAS LOVED when it really counted...and you can take joy from knowing you provided that.

Those are the last things we said to each other. The day before he died, I looked in his eyes and I said "I love you" he looked right back at me and said/mouthed, "I love you"

I think we all have regrets or unmet needs. Some are petty like a child who is jealous of a sibling. And some are more life affecting like your husband feeling a disconnect from his family.

I don't think the regret ever goes away. But with time and sometimes professional help we can understand why things happen and come to accept that it is out of our control.

I wish I had a close family and a better relationship with my siblings. But the choices we have made on where to live and how to live have separated us. I regret but also accept. I will always have some sorrow for what I wish had been but it doesn't play a big part in my life.

My grieving,,,and I suspect grieving for many...is filled with many regrets....for well, so much...for Ron, especially and all he missed and will miss , for our son, for myself.....and I also regret this I did an didn't do.....It is one of those BiG things that had focused me on what is important.......I hope I can incorporate this sad sad learning into my life going forward.....

Maybe Deb while he regretted his loss, it was what allowed him to know how much he had in you........


hugs......

Ken, had been pretty much out of it the four to five days before he passed but, the day before he died I kissed him and told him I loved him he slowly opened his eyes and whispered " I love you" I was so happy , I knew he loved me but, to confirm that he knew he was loved and he was not along and home.
I'm sure Ron did want the love of his family but, you were his love and he let you know it. His family will never know what they missed and from the way they have handled his illness and passing they never will. Don't waste anymore energy on them.
Ron loved you, knew you loved him..

I think we all have regrets for the men we loved. Rollie was a good man. I am sorry that his children were all to selfish to recognize it. You and your children filled that void for him. His life with you was happy and filled with love. That is so much more than some people get. You have a wonderful family!

I think that we all have different things we feel badly about or at least wish we had done differently. As for me, I can't remember when the very last time was that I told him I loved him or him me. Being that he was completely out of it since he broke his hip, it was probably that night as I was leaving the hospital.

I think though, that Sherri siad it best. That was a blessing that came from the loss of memory that he wasn't totally aware of his families distance. But you can be sure that he knew you were there for him as was your family. I sure he passed feeling very loved and cared for. Your last words to each other makes it so.

hugs. Carolyn

Rollie's family has their own demons they're dealing with. Lord only knows what is driving that family. Dysfunction is not the word for them. I know it hurt Rollie. It had to but he was a wise man and knew what he had in you and your children. I think he may have had regrets about his family but they were probably fleeting and not very deeply rooted. I really do believe he must have been so grateful to have you and yours that he didn't give them too much thought and only in passing while he was well. While in the throes of dementia he may have expressed regrets and sadness but I sincerely believe that was coming from a place that was in his childhood. I see it in my mother and I saw it in my husband. I don't think Rollie died with any regrets at all. I really don't. I honestly think he had it all figured out and chalked it up to a bunch of ignorant alcoholics. He loved you and your kids. He knew he didn't need any more than that and he also knew he was blessed. I know it!

I so agree with Pam.....this is their problem...not yours and not Rollies. They made choices and they must live with them.We cannot be responsible for any ones actions but our own. Rollie knew that and probably dismissed them long ago. Thier loss not his..he had you and your kids.

You gave Rollie love and family...plain and simple he had the whole package when he married you........Love Sherri

I think that Rollie was an extremely lucky man. The love and acceptance he craved from his dysfunctional family he found with you. Sometimes I think that is enough. My hubby never knew what it meant to be tucked in, told he was loved or cared about. He was one of 8 and never shed a tear when either of his parents died. He got all the love, affection and caring from me and our kids and still gives our boys a hug and a kiss when they come and go. There has never been a question in either of our boys that they are loved.

You and the children were Rollie's family Deb.......no regrets.....Jeanmarie

Thank you all, that's why I come here.