Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
My husband's behaviour at the nursing home has become difficult again. He is fine as long as he is left alone to sit in the lounge. As soon as anything is asked of him eg to come to the dining room he starts screaming and resists being helped up out of his chair. Last night 2 workers finally got him up and I was walking him to the dining room. He started flailing his arms and when I tried to stop him he whacked me very hard in the chest. I was stunned and furious. I fed him his dinner, put him back in the lounge and left.
I know he didn't remember the incident 30 seconds after it happened but I was hurt( stupid!). I decided not to go in at all today. Maybe if I have a break it will help me regain courage to go back in.
He used to be aggressive with workers coming to the house and I'm beginning to wonder if he sees me as an intruder in his space.
Any ideas? This is really hard.
I know he didn't remember the incident 30 seconds after it happened but I was hurt( stupid!). I decided not to go in at all today. Maybe if I have a break it will help me regain courage to go back in.
He used to be aggressive with workers coming to the house and I'm beginning to wonder if he sees me as an intruder in his space.
Any ideas? This is really hard.
This disease stinks....its so hard to take and keep understanding all the changes. Hopefully your guy will have forgotten and it won't happen again. We just have to remember "it is the disease, not them" (easier said than done I know!!!
Unfortunately this just seem to be another stage in this horrid disease. My mother has been complaining for months (I think it's more like years) that my dad hits her in bed. He will fling out his arms, has gouged her in the eye and will grab her and squeeze painfully. All this seems to happen when he is asleep or possibly incoherent. At one point it was bad enough that she was ready to move out of their room but then things settled down. I'm sure it is just a matter of time.
Speak to the head nurse. They are usually the best source of reliable information since they are not directly involved in care. And let her know you want honesty. Maybe it is time for another medication change.
I feel for the people who have to look after him. He has kicked and pushed them and they can't stay away as I can but then that's the reason he is there.
I had a nice visit with a friend this morning so I feel a bit more up.
Maybe try treating him like a child. Scold him when necessary and make demands not requests.
Probably nothing to lose in trying something different. And if it helped --- woohoo. I know when my parents start getting crazy I start giving orders and it helps.
And yes he is like that when I'm not there. Maybe he does need an increase in his meds but they are reluctant as the anti-psychotic drug can only be used in fairly low doses with dementia patients.
Trazodone, the drug of choice in the home made him crazy so that can't be used. It's tough.
If I am real nice and parient and talk softly he responds much better. If I lose my patience and it shows in my tone he responds the same way.
He can not take yelling anymore, from anyone. Very upsetting to him, along with loud noises. Whether its kids playing, TV or just a raised voice he does not like it.
I definitely have found speaking softly is much better in our house.
Tonight he was calmer which was lovely. I had not planned to go in but decided I could not stay away. Every day is a new day as we know with this disease.
Feeling hurt is not stupid. It was hurtful in both ways. I would say be kind with yourself and leave some of you to nurture yourself. Ask for and get help. This is a rough road not of our choosing. Come here often and rant and ask for support. it will be here.
You are so right, they do start each day as a new day and I have to learn to do the same.
I am actually feeling much better. I have started reading again and listening to music which I couldn't do when my husband was here.
It still hurts every day to see him sitting there looking so forlorn when I leave yet I know he probably forgets a minute later. It is a rough road.
I do turn down the TV the minute I walk in and the residents are really not very noisy. It's at meal times that the noise level rises and it's mainly the staff shouting to each other. I have made the unit manager aware of this and she tells me it shouldn't be happening.
I so wish I could have kept him at home but I know I would be worn out by now and climbing the walls. If he could have tolerated the help in the home and not threatened them it might have worked.
Now I just have to make the best of things.