My mother just died April 24th. Easter Sunday of Alzheimer's. And although we knew it was coming you are never really ready for it. I am still in mourning. She had it for 16 years and it was a blessing when she died. In the end she could not swallow and had antibiotic resistance to pneumonia. They thought she had only 12 hours to live, put her on morphine and water because she had stipulated BEFORE she was ill that she did not want any life sustaining measures. In fact, she lasted for 10 days!! She was waiting for my older brother and his family to come from St. Louis. When they arrived my brother said to her, "Mom, we're all here. You can go home now" She passed away 2 minutes later.

I feel exactly the same way as you do. On one hand I'm so ready for mom to turn the page and then just having read RKB's answer, tears started and imagined my mom passing away and I know it will be more than hard to bear. Not easy no matter what.

Deb... yes.. you are ready.. and no you won't be.

This just messes with our heads to the point of craziness.

Judy

RKB my Mil went the same way. She lasted well after they expected her to go. My husband had gone into Manhattan to work since she was looking so good the night before. We received the call at noon to get to the hospital but he had to wait for a train. I remember so vividly us holding the elevator and doors to ICU as he ran through the hospital. She died less than 5 minutes after he got there. It was heartbreaking but soo special.

Deborah there is no easy answer. My mother often talks about wanting this to end but dad is a long way from that. I think it is normal to want the upset and pain to end but we still miss them when they are gone. Just remember that you hurt because you care so much. You want him to be at peace and you will miss him so much when he is gone.

I agree with Judy , although she speaks from first hand knowledge....but I do believe we are ready physically and mentally for this to end ....but when it really does our hearts will break apart and our souls will feel empty I just know. We will probably even miss some of the drudgery we face now because we really all still love them(or who they were)how do I know this to be true .......we wouldn't be caregivers!!!!

I think what Judy says is absolutely right.

I amready and yes, I wil miss him, but not in the sense that I would want him back in this condition.. I guess its just something we have to endure. We can't get there from here without traveling that bumpy old road!

Sometimes it is so difficult to think about losing him; other times I feel so guilty because I can think of no way out except by losing him. I worry about it going on too long where I won't be physically able to care for him anymore. Damn I hate how this disease messes not only with our loved one's head but our heads as well.

The night before Jim died, i sat with him, holding his hand, crying and praying for God to take him out of his pain; but when he died, I felt so guilty for asking for something like that.

I miss him so much and wish i had him back with me, but only if he could be well - we all know that ain't gonna happen, so I try to accept his death and go on but it is still very hard for me.

The hardest thing I am dealing with now is getting rid of his things. I could give all his things to family, but don't think I want to see them wearing his "favorite" T-shirt or shorts or baseball cap. So, his stuff is still in the closet and dresser drawers, waiting for me to make a decision of what to do with all of it.

I am learning to live day by day and am thankful for the life we had together.

hugs
Mary

Mary as always you have such good to share. We also were praying for my MIL's suffering to end. I remember her daughter and sister telling her in those last moments that it was OK to let go. She was such a fighter..lol. I don't think it is a bad thing to want someones suffering to end.

As far as his things....I can't imagine seeing someone wear his clothes. Why not let each person choose one thing (from a group you put together). Or if you know what each person would like to have then you choose. Then donate the rest to a shelter. It won't be easy to part with his things but it is an important step and will help you heal.

Mary; I remember when my dear Dad died of cancer we were all at the hospital that night (knowing how close the end was0 ..but he kept hanging on. The drs said they couldn't legally give him any more morphine and they didn't know how he was holding on as the pain was not even being touched as it was now in all the bones and the meds don't reach the bones. I knew my Dad and right up till the end he was the foever patriarch and worried about my Mom being left.

I went in his room and wispered in his ear to please just let go and let God...and promised we would all take care of Mom for him.

A few minutes later he took his last breath, that was all he needed to hear ..was that reassurance Mom would be OK. So I 100% believe it is the right thing to let them know that you will make it and pray God gives them the final peace. To me it is the last "unselfish" thing we can do for someone we love. May not be the best for us ....but it is for them.

You did the beautiful unselfish thing..which is what you always did. Love you Sherri

My concerns now are with my 88 year old father. After my mother died my brothers left right away with their families. They had jobs and children who needed to get back to school. I on the other hand am on disability for bipolar disorder and have no children. I chose to stay a while. I didn't want to abandon my Dad so quickly. It turned out to be the right thing to do. He needed it. Dad is my best friend and calls me his "Darling daughter" Well, I'm his ONLY daughter. lol It wasn't until I came back home to my apartment and my boyfriend that my heart felt torn apart. It was the most intense pain I have ever felt. Worse than bipolar depression and that is saying something. Then on day 4 I woke up and it was gone. A thought came into my mind. My mother had asked G-d to take my pain away. I know it sounds crazy but I believe it. I still have manic depression but not the pain I could not bear. I thanked the Lord and then I thanked my Mom. I know now she is at peace.