Alzheimer's Disease Support Group

Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...

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I'm a bad person

Loryn
Loryn
Here's the story. My nephew is getting married next month. I was not invited to the wedding (which is another story, but I'll stick to the matter at hand.) As I was not invited, I did not make plans to go. The wedding is approximately 500 miles away. My dad is in the beginning stages of this disease, and we (my mother and I) firmly believe he should not be driving. My mother just had a knee replaced, so she isn't up to driving either.

After reviewing all the options, other members of my family decided that my not being invited was an oversight, they really want me at the wedding, and I should drive. I have never done anything in my life that my father didn't find fault with. Now it's all been decided, and I will drive. My mother had the talk with him about his driving, and now he is not speaking to me. It's all me. It's always been me, why, because I'm a bad person.

So I'm picturing myself driving down the 101, with my backseat driver father telling me I'm going too fast (40 mph) I'm tailgating (other car 3 miles ahead) - there is no question that whatever I'm doing, or however I'm doing it, it will be wrong. Kill me now.

This is a long, convoluted story, and I'm sorry to go on and on, but my question is. Can I drug him? Is there anyway I can get him something to keep him calm, so he can be happy, sit in the back seat, and look out the windows, like the happy man I want him to be?
inmemoryofhattie
inmemoryofhattie
oh, dear, this is not feeling good I can tell. Welcome here and I hope that you find the support and acceptance that will help you/ I have.

I had an unhappy father too and I do not think it is possible to list the bad things I did in my life., according to him the most prominent being that I would not give up my marriage to go to Fl to care for my mother with cancer. He used to call me up and tell me about how sick she was with the treatments...
... funny story, when he was in the NH(out of residential Hospice) and on heavy drugs, we had a wonderful last month of his life together, he couldn't say enough good about me and died as happy as he could have been. I only wish he had been on proper meds before, SO,

maybe the idea of trying to get him on some meds is NOT A BAD IDEA! does he have a PCP, psychiatrist/geriatric specialist?neurologist?

also, does he like music or reading, if so invest in a disk player and headphones, buy all his favorite CD's and go to the library and get tons of books on tape.

Alternatively get yourself some headphones and listen to these.
Wishing you a lot of support and sending good wishes....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is your dad already on meds? If so, no, you don't dare give him something as a lot of stuff reacts with Alzheimer's meds. Even with simply having the disease, it might not be a good idea because you can't gauge what the brain is doing and how it would react. It's different from the norm. My advice is to get out of that wedding. What you have described is too stressful on you. I would use the reasoning that you don't believe the lack of an invitation was an oversight (that may be true for friends, but seldom family) and you don't feel comfortable going knowing you weren't originally invited. I wish you luck. If you decide you want to stick with the meds idea, by all means consult the right physician and see what they can do.

Beckeroo
Deborah48
Deborah48
Talk with his doctor, there are some meds that will do that (and I don't blame you). BUT, how the meds react with will be different so you want to be able to 'try them out' at home before you go on a long trip.
Loryn
Loryn
Thank you for your replies. He went on Aricept about 12 weeks ago. He is very energetic, and in quite good physical shape for an 81 year old man. I would go so far as to say he is hyper.

I would never drug him without a physician's prescription. I've read about people giving Lorazapam, or the equivalent, on occasion to their loved one.

I seem to have somehow attained the position where I am "the help" in my family, and really no longer expect to be treated any differently.
Loryn
Loryn
Thank you for your replies. He went on Aricept about 12 weeks ago. He is very energetic, and in quite good physical shape for an 81 year old man. I would go so far as to say he is hyper.

I would never drug him without a physician's prescription. I've read about people giving Lorazapam, or the equivalent, on occasion to their loved one.

I seem to have somehow attained the position where I am "the help" in my family, and really no longer expect to be treated any differently.
Deborah48
Deborah48
My husband takes Lorazepam/Atavin and some days it works and some days it doesn't.
Loryn
Loryn
Thank you for your replies. He went on Aricept about 12 weeks ago. He is very energetic, and in quite good physical shape for an 81 year old man. I would go so far as to say he is hyper.

I would never drug him without a physician's prescription. I've read about people giving Lorazapam, or the equivalent, on occasion to their loved one.

I seem to have somehow attained the position where I am "the help" in my family, and really no longer expect to be treated any differently.
Loryn
Loryn
I apologize for the multiple posts. My computer went into a weird loop, and this was the result :~(
deleted_user
deleted_user
This sounds ever too familiar. There was much fighting, sulking, and criticizing from my husband when I decided I was going to take over the driving. I really feel this is probably one of the hardest things for a man to give up. They really begin to know they are losing their independence. Talk to your doctor about a sleeping pill or something. As for me, I just wanted to find the closest hammer. He about drove me nuts.