Have you spoken with the staff about this? I would also speak with the nurse manager. It's possible that the staff is doing something or NOT doing something that they should be. Usually the nurse manager can get to the bottom of it the best since she is a little bit distant from the care but has lots of experience.

Hopefully this will get you some results. Just be nice but firm. After all you are still the customer.

I do know that everything we do is harder on the caregiver. Remember that he doesn't always know what he is doing or what he is saying. He will forget about all of this is just a few minutes, but you won't. You will go home and it will eat at you and will indeed make you sick. He is all right. Talk to the nurse, stay involved with his care, but then you have to return home knowing that you are doing all that you can. Remember, we all know what you are feeling, you are not alone.

Love to you,

Sharon

Thank you both for your replies.
I did speak to the charge nurse today as well as the geriatrician. They are going to try him on something to calm his agitation. We will see. I told them he did not respond well to the drug when I tried him on it once but that was ages ago. The doctor said staff would monitor closely and stop it if it seems to be making him worse.
I spent some time with a friend this morning .We went on a shopping spree and it felt good for a while.
I need to do this kind of thing more often instead of constantly living this hell.
I will let you know how he responds.

ingelo,

sounds like all is going forward well...yes, you should try to go out and do something pleasant and happy and fun just as much as you can...

when my hus was hospitalized last summer, doc told me his sense of time is not the same as oursThe staff and NH needs to do the things you are talking about not you...

sorry this tough stuff is happening, but, please take care of you!

Somehow we always blame ourselves no matter what goes wrong, our fault or not. You have been ( and are)a terrific wife and caregiver.

How about showing yourself some of that wonderful love you give him.

Please don't beat yourself up you are amazing!! Hugs

This evening when I went in his catheter tube was plugged for the second time in 3 days. It's hard not to lose one's cool when that happens. The charge nurse responded right away and flushed it but this should not happen. I can hardly wait for the first care conference.
It's the sort of thing that makes me wish I had kept him at home but then I know I would be spending many days in emergency and that's taxing too. I can't seem to win. No wonder hubby's behaviour is escalating.

I know how you feel Ingelo, you feel you must do everything yourself if you want it done right.

I'm having to place my husband as soon as he is well enough from the broken hip and complications. I know I will feel the same way and that is partly the reason I chose one 2 hrs from here. I know they give excellent care, he likes it there and he will have to learn that I can't be there 7 days a week. I'm hoping it will be good for both of us.

Right now in the hospital he wants me there from morning to night. I'm trying to limit it to 6 or 7 hrs. a day. He doesn't like it, but I don't have anytime to myself if I don't as it takes an hour to get there and another to come home. You know it is right and yet you feel guilty and want to bring him home. My only advice is to try and let his comments and actions roll off your back. (Thats what my daughter says...he is being taken care of), but I haven't mastered it yet. If you figure out how to do that, let me know please.
Hugs.....Carolyn

Ingelo,

My hubby has a neurogenic bladder and before he got dementia he self catherized every four hours. When he got dementia he forgot how to cath using clean technique and kept getting UTI's and ended up in the hospital. He had a suprapubic tube placed directly in his bladder and has only had one uti in the past two years. I don't know if that procedure could be an option for him since it does involve a surgery.

Happy that you got to enjoy a little shopping spree.......always makes us feel better! I know how it feels to thing only you can take care of your hubby the way he should be; I feel that way all the time. But we need to stay involved but let others do their jobs while maintaining oversight. Hopefully, next time my hubby goes in the hospital, I will take my good advice.....lol

It is very difficult for me to trust others to do their job especially since I have now found out the hard way that I have reason not to trust them.
I found it easier when my husband was in hospital for 5 weeks last year because I knew they were adequately staffed. Even then I spent many hours each day by his bedside.
It should not be that difficult to keep track of urine output and therefore to monitor that the catheter is functioning properly. I even put a pad and pen in his room and always mark down the amount when I drain the bag. Some of the personal support workers do it and others don't.
Tomorrow I intend to speak to the unit manager again. They knew when they accepted my husband that he has a catheter but if it's too much for them they need to tell me and I will have to find a way to take him home.

Good for you. You have to speak up and then they know who they are dealing with and you won't stand for substandard care.

I had words with a nurse the other day...she must have known I was angry enough to report her. She was very attentive and sweet as pie the rest of the day.

You have to do what you have to do!
Hugs........Carolyn

I'm like you and worry Mom is not being looked after properly some times. Since she has been in her wheelchair I'm worried about bed soares since I can't check for myself. However I'm being reassured they are repositioning the chair every few hours to prevent them. You just need to be in their face all the time.
On a positive note I must admit it looks like they are giving everyone there good care. The patients are always clean and well dressed and they do call me everytime somethings happens.

ingelo; When my dad was in the final stages of cancer and bedridden, Hospice brough in a lambswoll pad to put under him and they said it helped prevent bedsores. He didn't get any so I would recommend it. God Bless and good luck.You are in my prayers

Sometimes I don't know what to add or say but I'm always caring about what happens.... {}

Last night I took my first night off in the 4 weeks my husband has been in the nursing home. Our son took me out for a wonderful belated Mother's Day dinner. We walked along the waterfront and stopped in at a pub before dinner because my feet were killing me.
It was good to feel "normal" if only for a few hours.
Just thought I would share something positive for a change.

Good for you.just reading sounded terrific. Give your son a big hug from Cyberspace for being his Moms knight in shining armor!!!

Just what the doctor ordered. Hugs Sherri