LOL! That happened to me many times with mom. They think they are going to be alone. We are their everything. WHen I go see mom, I do not tell her I am leaving I just kiss her and say goodnight.

Pinaberry, the 'leaving' after we visited was especially difficult for me in the beginning. Becuase my husband always went with me, I would sometimes make a mistake to tell her that "We are going now" then she would try to get up because she thought she was going with us or she would be disappointed that we are leaving. I would then tell her that "I have to go and feed the kids" which she mostly accepted.

This past year I would just get up, kiss her goodbye, tell her to sleep tight and that we will visit her again soon. (And now I can't do that anymore!)

I thought going out was supposed to be good for me, yet, now that I am home I feel like going right back out the door!

Sometimes I find it hard to be out and then come back...It is hard when I'm out because I imagine others are having normal lives.

I also find it hard because after such a long while of feeling sorry for myself for being 'left out' of those normal get togethers and lives, I have almost come to need to be a bit separate and alone.

I don't think just going out is what helps.
It is something like doing something really good for yourself...whatever that might be for the individual...a massage, a mani/pedi, taking a book somewhere lovely and reading, being with a true friend....something that feeds your soul.....

this disease attacks the caregiver as relentlessly as it does the patient, no mercy,,,,and it empties.....

memory- I sure hope you are writing a chapter you have such a way with words.

this disease attacks the caregiver as relentlessly as it does the patient, no mercy,,,,and it empties..... "

I no longer tell my mother if I am going anywhere or if company is coming or when I will be there. We do keep a calendar on the fridge and holidays are posted. However I have the op problem. She is recluse and as soon as I get there she wants me to leave says go - we understand she thinks she is hiding her word mistakes if she is alone. & to bring up the holidays - my support group suggested last year that we not insist on her being at the table at hour house. For the first time in 60 yrs we just fixed a plate and I spent a visit with her [she is still at home] everyone was much happier than in past holidays. She was in her comfort zone and we could enjoy each others company.

I have learned to let things happen and keep my mouth shut until the last minute. Boy....is that tough! About the holidays, my support group recommended a very short visit for a holiday..... perhaps share a dessert from home and that's all. Since my mother is home, we're not doing anything much special.... I'm treating every day as a normal day....except the food will be different. She gets to anxious and edgy when she thinks she has to be "on"