I know you don't want to hear that your husbands end is coming closer but it does sound like it. The lack of interest in food is a sign that his body is shutting down.

In my opinion your first duty is to care for your husband. Make sure he is comfortable and in no pain. The doctor is asking for your permission, please give it. You also need to honor your husbands wish to not have his life prolonged.

Your second duty is to yourself. This is another step in your journey of losing your husband. Take in every moment to treasure as memories. I can remember every detail of the last week of my fathers life. This will help you start the grieving process.

You are in my heart and prayers. I know how difficult this time is for you. When you stop fighting you will be able to experience this time with your husband.

I see in my fathers eyes too often how depressed he is because he knows how much he can't do anymore..
They do have places where it is still like your own apartment,even though it's like an assisted living place? For when you need to move?

ingelo, I hated that statement also.. Don't tell me they're in a better place. The better place is when they're here with their loved ones!

I've gone through this twice in the last five years and it's not easy. There are no easy answers and there's no magical solution that will get you through it either. It's part of the process and progression of the disease; it's the part that no one wants to have happen and no one is ever prepared for it once it arrives either.

Once they start this downward spiral they either rally for a short time and then digress again. Each digression is a bit worse and longer lasting.

My advice would be to not to try to settle everything at once. If the selling of house can happen later, then leave it until later and concentrate on your husband's care and yourself. You are looking at two of the top stressors in life so don't attempt to tackle both at the same time.

You have many friends to lean on and I would keep up that support network. Take each day as it comes and don't stress over what might happen in a week or two. I would try to enjoy any moment that I could spend with him and take the good days with the bad.

Keep yourself busy with some projects that you like to do; try not to think about what's coming next and talk to your friends both personally and the friends out here. You can get through it; tough as it is.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I didn't want to do this again after the first family member passed away and then recently back in March of this year; here we go again. Not easy, not fun but I'm amazed at how well I did when I didn't think I had it in me anymore.

Huge Hugs to you and your husband.

PD

Having been where you are I know that this is incredibly hard. As much as there is relief that the awfulness of the illness and all you both have suffered will be over, the difference between life and that moment of death is immense. As is what follows. Think about what you want and need now in this time.. unless the house is some sort of crisis put it off til later.

Try to think about what is important to you, and do this in a way to minimize regrets. For instance I regret that I did not climb into the hospital bed with my husband towards the end...I wish i had been more aware the last hour was upon us. I do not know what is important to you but it is important to become aware and to try to do these things. I was glad that at least two ministers came by and there were those special recognitions of the momentous nature of what was occurring, but I wished I had had our own minister come
as well.

It is important to see to it that pain is alleviated and comforts given.

People will say many more things that are more hurtful than helpful along this way. We do not seem to be a culture that deals with suffering and dying and death and grief well and compassionately.
That is about them and not about you.

I am very sorry for your pain, for all the losses that this brings. I send you care and a wish for comfort.

These are the five messages

Thank you...
Forgive me...
I forgive you...
I love you
Good bye

I will pray for you and your family.



Am a nurse aid in hospice/memory care.

God bless

Many thanks to all of you for your comforting words.
Now I want to tell you that my husband has rallied! He is accepting puree food and drinking thickened liquids. He smiles when I come and it makes my day.
I know this stage may not last and I certainly wouldn't want to see him suffer but right now he seems peaceful, sleeps in between meals and seems back to his "normal". I will treasure this time until the next crisis.
Thank you again for your support. It means a lot.

Glad to hear of your husbands health update :)

Many time I had to remind myself that my husband would have been mortified if he knew how he was. Such a smart, funny, good-looking man ... now just a blank shell.
I made the hard decision to let nature take it's course when he began refusing food. I knew he would not want to be forced to stay any longer .. and I didn't want him to endure any more.
Still hard.. but sometimes the hard things are the kindest after all.
I'm praying for you.

I hear you, jamr and if he had persisted in his refusal I would not have gone the extra step of intravenous or tube feeding. However,
he started to eat again and is back to normal. He would not have wanted to live like this either, however, it seems he decided he is not ready to go and I am respecting that.
Sure I would not have to spend 4 to 5 hours at the nursing home if he were no longer with us but for now this is what I choose to do.
I hope I will know when the time comes that I let go.