Honestly, ingelo, one hospital or nursing home is hard to manage let alone two and this is after all your husband AND your mother....

you must be careful not to wear yourself out or make yourself sick...YOU need care now more than ever......

you mom and your husband have care...you need to rest your body and mind some time each day, eat nutritiously, stay hydrated, take good vitamins, exercise, relax.....maybe even nap...visit with a friend for a cup of tea.......

I also have no siblings and wish I had a good close one....but I too have friends who have listened to me for a long time now..it does help...

In 09 my Dad in Fl got very sick and I was trying to manage his care long distance and my husband's too....so I do now how hard the pull can be....and how tiring......

I am sorry for the added stress and worry...it really all is a bit too much.....hugs...come here often.......

Thanks for your loving reply. Taking care of oneself is really hard to do! I have not been eating properly and forgotten my meds many times. Have also been gaining weight from eating the wrong things and sitting too much. I keep telling myself this is no good and I have enrolled back in activities I enjoy but it's so easy to say I won't go today so that I can spend time with mom or hubby and then all I do is sit.
I feel so guilty when I can't go in to feed him. Meals are hard for him and he puts up such a fuss. He also had a fall while I was gone for 2 days this week.
Well, time to get on with the day. Hope things look better today. At least I know my mom is in good hands. She is almost 91 and very much wants to live.

As difficult as it is, you have to take care of yourself first. You are the healthy one, the one that hopefully still has a life to live. It sounds so selfish, but it is reality. Your husband and mother are being well cared for. You are not. Your son still needs you and someday, hopefully he will have a wife and grandchildren who will need you as well.

Love to you,

Sharon

Dear Ingelo;

We all care deeply (I know I speak for everyone here). That is what we are all about. We all pray for each other and hope for the best and when the best doesn't come we are here for each other.

You have to have such despair in your heart sometimes and we understand everthing you say so always vent here and we shall listen. It really does help you and you need it as your shoulders are overburdened right now. Love and God bless, wishes for a little peace in your life.......Hugs Sherri

I wish I could give you all a hug for being so kind.
Thankfully my mom is in good spirits and finally accepting of having to be in hospital. That makes it easier to visit.
Our son is coming to the hospital with me today so that will be nice. He has his own worries, job related and I try to spare him as much as possible from all the other stresses.
It's Thanksgiving here in Canada today so what I'm thankfulI have to be thankful that at age 72 I still have a mom. How many people can say that?
We are having unusually lovely weather which also helps.

WOW...having your Mom at 72...........you are so right that is a wonderful thing to be thankful for!!!!

...and leave it to you to realize it with all you are going through. God bless you all.

I am so tired I don't know how I'm still managing to do what I have to do. While at the hospital visiting my mom today I had a call from the nursing home to say my husband had fallen again. The physiotherapist is now strongly recommending a wheel chair.
My mom is not going to get any better than she is right now but they are discharging her. Hopefully she will manage at home with the help of personal support workers who are in the building 24 hours a day. The manager told me today that my mom is not accepting all the help she could have so I will have to have a good talk to her. She also suggested I put in applicaitons for nursing homes which I will have to do. Hopefully my mom will accept that.
It's all quite overwhelming..

Dear Ingelo,

I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed when the residential hospice my Dad was in in Fl. told me he was one of the 10% of people who "survive" residential hospice(there's some sort of a Medicare definition of what that means.....and that I had to get him out...they said it could be with at home with hospice and a live in or a NH so knowing he would prefer to be at home I spent a whole day, this is with the Hospice SW calling me several times to see about my 'progress' with the discharge and at the end of that day I told her I had several leads about a live in and she told me that they had decided Dad was too sick to go home and needed a NH.

It is one of the most difficult things I have had to do emotionally...

I think I know how you are struggling with all these things coming down on you at once....

Maybe with your husband a wheelchair would be a better option?

When you get home from one of these days, please do for yourself....like a warm shower and a mindless!!!! movie...something to forget and relax a bit and you need to sleep too...

i am so sorry I've been there and the feelings are so hard about these things...and the work and worry...


many hugs.....

I had to smile when you wrote I should take a warm shower. It's funny because I have no tub- I had to have it taken out when my husband came out of hospital a year ago March because it was not safe for him to get in. Now I have 2 showers to myself in my little house and I really miss that tub!
I'm so hoping they keep my mom in hospital over the weekend but that's unlikely. They really try to get rid of people on Fridays, no matter what. Next week we have to have the big talk about the next step which is to apply for nursing home. I just read in our local paper that there are 24,000 people in Ontario waiting for nursing home admission so what are our chances? You have to be wealthy here to get the care you need.