I am proud of you.
If there was an adult day care here... I would have done it
a couple years ago.

Good girl !

I AM proud of you!!! Good for you!

I've been told by Mother's neurologist and Dr that she and I both need adult day care. I've gone twice and really like the place. Mother won't go!!!!! I can't get her in the car. She simply refuses. Her neurologist told me in uncertain terms that I am now the adult in the house and will have to insist she go. I'm scared to death of the tantrums I'll have to deal with later on. Scared to death! I was told to lie to her, simply get her up, dressed and out of the house and into the car, drop her off at the door and be on my way. These people have no idea what I'll be dealing with later. Am I putting the cart before the horse? Maybe but it makes my stomach hurt to think about it.

I am very proud of you! Taking these steps make you a better caregiver! So glad you are taking care of you, too!

Pam - it is worth trying... she can not make good decisions anymore.

Well done, Mum used to hate going and just didnt want to, but I told her it will give her time away from me, as she must get sick of me day in and day out...lol She loves day care now and they are fun, more oldies her age and they talk about the same things and sing old songs She loves it. Gives you a little time off. Yes the more help the better for both of you. It isnt pushing your job onto anyone else at all. You need help. It is soooooo hard to do on your own and probably impossible. You need to get as much help as you can. You will have to keep us posted. Well Done and Good Luck.

Pam= those are my concerns also, but I am getting to a point where I can just feel that I am about to really go off and if I don't do something to get some time away I will go off.

I know what you mean about the trade off of her going to day care and then dealing with her wrath when you get back home. That's how I feel, like, is an hour of me time worth 3-5 hours of his anxiety time?

I sure am ......VERY proud. Its hard to reach out.we all think we must do it all...or else the guilt. God bless you ...keeping yourself on track and sane is the best thing you can do for Rollie. I have decided to try and find one myself. Is the social worker very involved with you? please share any tips she/he may be giving you for r those of us who don't have one. Hang in there and keep going in this direction..Hugs Sherbear2

It's it tough to do these things. I am lucky to have my family to stay with him so I can get out. But, Ken is getting harder and harder to manage and it's just not fair to put this on them. I have had him stay at a daycare a couple of times , it is hard even with all of the nice people . It's like you don't trust them to anybody.else.

It is interesting that he said you are in a crisis mode and don't even know it. We are so geared to taking care of others that we forget our selves.

I am very proud of you for taking this step. I hope you take his advise.

Rollie has a social worker through the VA because he is a disabled veteran, she isn't very involved only when I ask stuff.

Deb and Judy it seems that the two of you may be a bit further along than some of us and probably have tips we haven't yet come up with. The "Caregiver Tip" discussion seems to be catching on and anything you two could add would be most appreciated. This illness is definitely one day at a time and reading what you ladies do is inspiring as to your strength and love. God bless you both and I for one only hope I can be half the woman either of you are. I believe my spouse is somewhere between stage 5 and 6 , but changes so-o much from day to day (hour to hour) hard to tell. Thanks in advance foir any heads up you share in the Tips discussionand may God bless you both and your spouses! Hugs Sherbear2

I am so afraid of going over the deep end. I put on a happy face each day but inside I am kicking and screaming. I am doing everything I know how to do to stay stable and positive but trying so hard puts stress on me as well. I hope we are not all nuts before we are done with this, if it ever is done, I know that I may not be able to handle another 10 years.
Ken does go to the Senior Citizens Center 2 afternoons each week, and I look so forward to that time alone. I know that there will come a day when he can no longer go there but for now it is truly a life saver.

Well, a bit of a bummer for me......his doctor just called and we talked, he explained that yes, Rollie's shadowing is excessive for ALZ but I have to remember that my husband actually has 2 serious mental illness going on concurrently, ALZ and PTSD. Oh, yea, I forgot. (I did forget I'm not being sarcastic) So the PTSD part is telling him, "no one in your life is trustworthy except your wife. You must keep in her in your sight at all times. Also, the military training is telling him, this person needs to be protected at all costs." Great! I am his 'mission'. The next drug for him to take would basically keep him sedated 24/7, like barely awake. He said, "but you have an aid don't you?" I explained yes, I do but it's getting to the point where if I leave for an hour or 2 then I have 3 - 5 hours of him on extra high anxiety level because "I left him." He said he thinks that if I give an Atavin an hour before I am supposed to leave then he may be less anxious and not get so high that it takes him hours to come down. So that's what we're going to try. The fun never stops.

Ativan has been a blessing for me. I thought I would skip this morning's pill since we were going to the Dr. Big mistake. He was a handful. Trying to get out the front door, dumped yogurt on the living room floor, just being uncooperative in general.
After I got him cleaned up, in the car, out of the car, in to the office, sat down, got up blah,blah,blah.... I felt like I had wrestled an Alligator.
We won't be skipping a pill from now on. If he doesn't take the pill.. it's gonna kill me. I am just shot .. totally wrung out.

I hope you can get him to the day care. They have one in Homer but it's 25 miles away and even when we had the car running not a practical thing for me to do and Neal was totaly negative about going. I can see his point to a certain extent too, they are all OLD people there and even though he is starting to look and act much older then his 58 years a part of him still knows he isn't one of them.
Then there is the fact that he has never been real social or comfortable around people he doesn't know and now that our daughter has quit her job there he would not know anyone and that increases his anxiety.
I often wonder just how clear and idea doctors and others have of the behavior issues some deal with when they try to force their loved one to do things they are adament aginst? Doubt they would be so glib about "just" being the adult and making them do it if they were the ones faced with this on a regular basis and then dealing with the fall out later on.

Hi

First of all, Jim is home, finally. Got him home today (Thursday) and he is much better. He had a very serious urinary tract infection along with pneumonia and had to have surgery yesterday to remove a growth on his bladder. He is doing OK, walking and resting. I came home the first two nights but couldn't sleep so I stayed with him the last two nights.

The first day I took Jim to Day Care, I wrote in my journal, " I feel like such a failure that I can't care for him alone anymore and have to have help. But it turned out really well until one day it took me 1 1/2 hours to get him in the car. That was the last day for day care. Now I have someone come five days a week for five hours a day (will be seven days a week this week) and I don't feel one bit bad about it. lol

Long Term Care is wonderful Ours pays $100 a day for two years and I intend to use every day of it.

Also, am going to check with VA and see what they might offer.

And yes, I'm very proud of you.

Take care and hang in there.((((((((((hugs)))))))))))