I am afraid ALL caregivers suffer somewhat from a form of depression. Some more than others, it comes with the territory. How could we not is mor like it???

Sorry as far as you situation with going to the NH I can not speak as my husband is home with me 24/7 There are others on our site here who have there loved ones in NH and I am sure they will chime in with good posts.

It does seem to me that what you are experiencing does sound normal. (at least as normal as Alzheimers life is)

Hang in there , one day at a time. We do the best we can, no one can ask more.

Hugs Sherbear2

Ingelo I am so sorry that your hubby is treating you this way. When my hubby's symptoms of dementia are in full force he is very verbally abusive to me, delusional, paranoid and his hallucinations include men in the house that he feels I am sleeping with. Right now he is pretty much symptom free and I feel like I am getting a three month reprieve.....always waiting though for the shoe to drop. It is so difficult to assume the roll of caregiver to someone who treats you badly. I don't really have any good advice except you need to take care of you. It doesn't matter or make it any easier that it is "the disease" that makes him treat you badly.

Love, hugs and prayers coming your way wishing for a better day tomorrow......Jeanmarie

Yes, It does seem depression goes hand in hand in with caregiving. I go into slumps that sometimes I feel I'll never crawl out the hole but I'm slightly bi-polar anyway. Have you talked with your gp about being on medication? Most of us are. From what you have said, you seem to be spending an large portion of your day at the nursing home. Perhaps too much time? Maybe it would be a good thing if you found something else to keep yourself active other than caring for others but caring and pampering yourself a bit. Exercise? Are you getting any? I walk daily, take water aerobics twice a week, do a needlework class once a week and once a month treat myself to a mani-pedi (I'm due) I never used to do these things for myself until I came on this board. Now I do. I cope so much better! What I do for myself takes an hour a day. We're all worth an hour a day for ourselves. We really are!

Never, ever forget: It's not you, it's not him. IT'S THE DISEASE!! You cannot take anything personally. Ever. I think that's the most difficult fact any of us have to realize. We get caught up and forget.

Be good to yourself!!

Thank you so much for your replies.
I know I should be doing more things for myself and I do try. Yesterday, for example I went to a luncheon for seniors. Unfortunately it was one of my husband's really bad days and all the good feelings quicky dissepated with his abuse.
Today was a different story. He was calm and happy during lunch.
I have to really push myself to do anything and I know that's part of the depression. I am on something to help me sleep but I'm feeling that may not be enough.
Thanks again for all your caring and support. It means a lot.
Wouldn't it be great if we could all meet one day?

Oh, I do understand. I used to keep such an immaculate house and now I just keep it clean, know what I mean? I have to FORCE myself to do anything, even fun things. I find myself even canceling things I signed myself up for. It's depression. I know it is. I take Prozac and just do the best I can.

That's all we can do. I cancel stuff too but really try to force myself because I know I'll feel better after.

I have an anxiety disorder that I had before my husband was diagnosed. Just makes things worse some days. I am on meds for it and have learned to say "Yes dear" to my husband when he says things I know are wrong.
Take time for yourself,you have to. You cannot help him if you are not well yourself. Wishing all the best for you.

Hugs.............Shar

Oh my gosh, depression, that is all I know right now. I hate it.

My mom calls me often just to vent when dad gets nasty. I can't even count how many times she has wanted to walk away. Guess I'm lucky that she calms down..lol.

The one good thing that she has done is find her own hobby. They live in a retirement community which is very active and has many choices. So at 78 mom went back to her childhood passion for playing pool!! She goes 2-3 times a week for a few hours.

And the best part is that everyone there is dealing with the same health problems. I think it is more support group than sport :) So maybe try to find something that you would enjoy doing.

depression isn't just for Alzheimer's caregivers, it also (sometimes) involves Alzheimer's patients' spouses.

Most days I find myself not wanting to go out of the house and don't usually go anywhere except to the grocery store when i absolutely have to and to the cemetery. Quantico National Cemetery is waaaaaaaaay too close to my house lol

I seem to be more depressed since Jim died than I was while he was living and I was caring for him.

Oh, by the way, (this has absolutely nothing to do with depression) but I had a letter from our Long Term Care insurance that my policy was paid up following Jim's death. That will be a little bit more that I have to live on.

You all take care. Love you all
Mary

I am one of those who was depressed taking care of someone who could be quite nasty and very demanding. I finally went on Zoloft and it has done wonders for me. I was reluctant because I didn't want to have to take meds to cope with reality, but it works well, It doesn't make things better, it helps you to cope with them better. I am no longer depressed since the stress is gone and I am starting to wean myself off the zoloft now. I very seldom got to do anything for me while he was alive, so I am doing it now. I am enjoying my house and my flowers and patio more than I could imagine. The other day as I was weeding, I thought " I really feel good for a change" I thank God that we are both at peace now.

Thank you for sharing that grammyx3 and giving me hope. I'm so happy for you that you have found peace and enjoyment in your house and flowers. I hope to get to that point some time, at least to the point where I no longer neglect the garden my husband and I worked so hard to create.
He used to love watching the tomato plants grow and wait for that first homegrown tomato. Now I have to push myself to water them and the weeds are enjoying my neglect of them..
By the way, I am now on a mild anti-depressant for sleeping and find that really helps.

Meant also to tell you not to feel guilty about not feeling like going back to the NH everyday. I truly believe it is your body telling you that it is time to take a break for you to recharge yourself.

Spend a day at home even, just enjoying whatever you like to do. The garden, reading, sleeping....whatever. Do it just for you!

I think we are all depressed and anxious.....how could we not be...we are each somewhere in a terrible journey......

sometimes better sometimes worse, the roller coaster...I do try hard to enjoy every good and beautiful thing if only for a moment....

Grammyx3; I am so very happy to read your posts and see that you and Carl are both in a peaceful place. Enjoy your flowers and garden and all the beautiful things in life for a change. Amazing how the most simple small things in life become so BIG! God bless you, I don't know what it is like to be in you spot, but I do know you must have such mixed emotions and I pray the good ones far outway the sad ones. Knowing he is at peace has to help. Live life my friend.