I'm so sorry for you. My mum has alzheimers. Its sad when I compare events year on year and see how much she's declined. I'm sure you're right not to take him this year. You know his illness best, you've been with him through it all. Sometimes I think what's the point with carrying on events when someone is at this stage of the illness? If they're not getting anything out of it and it just upsets us, as carers. I suppose we just carry on because we love them and in the hope it does some good. At least your husband has you, a caring wife. Keep strong.

I call it adjusting...make your own somewhat party at thome and it doesn't have to be ON halloween.So it may be more for you,but in a way perhaps he will enjoy it too

Ingelo,
I'm very sorry for your not able to take your husband to the Halloween party. Going through changes with my grandmother, whom is diagnosed, is also a struggle. For example, she has been living with my parents for a few weeks now and I take her a couple nights a week and we have dinner to give my parents a break and to spend more time with her. We had enchiladas and she told my mom that we had rolled up bologna, pasta and green beans. This is the same woman who used to make the most extravagant and amazing home cooked meals. To know that she has stopped cooking completely and now is unable to remember what happened 30 minutes prior, is horrifying and immensely saddening. These changes are hard for all of the family members, but we keep getting her involved and remind her as often as possible that she is loved and her presence is enjoyed.

Annette, I wish I could take my husband home some time but this is totally out of the question. First of all, it would mean nothing to him who does not even recognize me anymore. Secondly, his wheel chair would not go through our front door, let alone down the hall. The changes since last year at this time are phenominal and that is what's so hard to take.
At the moment I have a bad cold and can't even go in to give him his meals. It is distressing to me while he probably is not even aware of my absence..

Oh I'm sorry,I mis-understood.I thought he was at home. sigh...sadly mother nature isn't helping you at the moment.not that he would comprehend necessarily-but is he allowed phone calls? Perhaps if you call him just brietly at meal times, it might cheer you up a bit.

It's OK, Annette. I don't expect you to know where each of us are at and I appreciate your support and advice.
The difficult thing is that I don't know if he even notices when I'm not there. When I go in for meals and he spots me he makes almost a crying noise as if to say finally you are here. Yet during his screaming sessions there is nothing I can do or say that will comfort him.
The daily stress of seeing him like this has likely contributed to my getting sick. Now I'm forced to take time for myself but it is not easy.
You probably don't know either that I have only one son who is not married and no other family, extended or otherwise. That means no one can spell me off. Wow, I am really having a pity party now!