Alzheimer's Disease Support Group
Alzheimer's disease (AD) is the most common cause of dementia and characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes. An early symptom is memory loss (amnesia), usually manifesting as minor forgetfulness that becomes pronounced with illness progression, with relative...
Since my mom died and I have had more time I have been going in to give my husband most of his meals at the nursing home.
He often used to tell me to "get out" at the end of the meal and I would leave.
Now he is doing something he never did since he was admitted last Aoril. When I go to leave, he gets up and seems to want to go with me.
When I tell him I will be back later he gets anngry, then shuts his eyes and looks so sad. It's killing me and has me thinking again maybe I should try taking him home. I know that's a crazy thought. I couldn't manage him before and he is still just as resistive to personal care as ever, He requires total care .
He is incontinent and fights diaper changes and still has an indwelling catheter with constant risk of UTI's. It takes 2 people to shower him and he kicks and screams the whole time..
What to do? Am I going in too often? Is that why he wants to come home with me now when he doesn't even remember I'm his wife?
It's depressing me so that I now almost dread going to visit.
Any thoughts?
Inge
He often used to tell me to "get out" at the end of the meal and I would leave.
Now he is doing something he never did since he was admitted last Aoril. When I go to leave, he gets up and seems to want to go with me.
When I tell him I will be back later he gets anngry, then shuts his eyes and looks so sad. It's killing me and has me thinking again maybe I should try taking him home. I know that's a crazy thought. I couldn't manage him before and he is still just as resistive to personal care as ever, He requires total care .
He is incontinent and fights diaper changes and still has an indwelling catheter with constant risk of UTI's. It takes 2 people to shower him and he kicks and screams the whole time..
What to do? Am I going in too often? Is that why he wants to come home with me now when he doesn't even remember I'm his wife?
It's depressing me so that I now almost dread going to visit.
Any thoughts?
Inge
I believe even if he doesn't always know you he knows you are someone special who cares for him and he likes it and of course he doesn't want you to go ..but with all his problems and the fact that you know you can no longer care for him (the way he needs) at home PLEASE don't try bringing him home as it will only end badly. he is there and that is hard whether it is now or later so what would taking him home accomplish ...except to break your heart even more.
maybe don't actuall say "Good by" when you leave ...but maybe "I will be back in a little while"! Chances are his concept of time is gone anyway but when he hears good by he may (who knows ) think good by is permanent! The idea that he wants to go with you tells you you are special and that is a positive thing. Its so very hard, all of it and all any caregiver can do is "their best" God Bless you..Sherri
desire when it is impossible.
There are the lucky few who managed at home until the end. However every patient's needs and every caregivers ability is
not the same.
You know the answer for you.
Hugs and blessings.
Judy
It would feel horrible to leave him there ...but there was no other choice....
You are perhaps more aware of the manifestations of his illness in the behavioral ways now that the crisis with your mom has passed.
Do you think you could care for him at home? If the true answer is no, then you are dealing with your feelings that manifest themselves in this question and not a true choice of living arrangements for him..
It IS SO hard.....
hugs.....
I know in my head that I cannot take care of him. When I placed him I did it with the intention that this would be permanent. I was so frustrated and mean to him sometimes and hated myself for it.
Your suggestions on what to say are so good. When I remember I do say I will see you in a while rather than see you in the morning or lunch etc.
I'm grieving for my mom so it makes it harder and I'm much more emotional. I need to get ahold of myself.
hugs,
Now of course nothing I say makes a difference.
I think I would not say you were leaving, just say I'll be back or I'm going to the bathroom or anything. Chances are, he can't keep track of time and would immediately be OK again.
Hugs.......C
He also has a UTI again and is really quite sick so he doesn't even notice when I leave. i'm having trouble sleeping worrying about him.
I also feel for all the other residents many of whom have no visitors. It is just very sad any way you look at it and will only get worse.
You all seem to be dealing with this so much better than I.
You are very strong to have gone through so long a time with your husband in a NH. those of us who have had vigils know how hard it is.....
...and we all of us have wavered and cried and felt like a melted marshmallow......often, I assure you......
saying a prayer for your hus, and you......
hugs......
It is never easy. There is nothing you do wrong that causes him to get emotional. It is AD, not you. The fact that he is difficult to care for even at the nursing home shows that his medications are not doing what they are supposed to do. Please talk to his doctors, he may need a psychiatric evaluation to get his medicines adjusted. After that you will see positive changes. I work with this population, and when I visit my clients at nursing homes and observe them being combative, I call the social worker at the nursing home, or the floor's nurses and ask for a doctor's visit and a psych evaluation for adjusting medicines. Demand a quality care for residents of nursing homes, and advocate for the ones who can not care for themselves. Good Luck.
i should have insisted on medication much earlier as I'm very familiar with the signs of a UTI. It is common knowledge that behavioural issus increase with this infection but they are reluctant to treat for fear of creating resistance to the antibiotics. As it is my husband is allergic to two of the preferred medications for this condition.
I have been an almost constant fixture at the nursing home while he has been sick but hope to cut it down again so that I can get on with some of my other responsibilities and activiites.
Hopefully now things will settle down a bit for both of you. Good luck, Sherbear2