Deb,

I have felt that way a lot...to my surprise, with Ron in the hospital and life around me more 'normal', I do NOT feel that way. i haven't gone 100% in the opposite direction, but I am more balanced, have been able to remember some positive memories.

I think that a lot of how we feel is being plunged to our depths every
day as witnesses to a catastrophe and tragedy and caregivers in the most difficult and heart wrenching circumstances...and it goes on and on.....

Maybe it is time to call in the troops and get a break...away...if you can?

sending love, hugs, care and concern your way, and prayers that your spirit may lift ......

I know how you feel, Deborah. You have been in this abyss so long,
there is no end in sight and you have no control. It gets harder and harder to keep your dauber up.
You have hateful, selfish thoughts... then feel guilty for feeling so.
These are important years in your life ( getting older, but good health) and you feel these good years slipping away.
I likened myself to a hampster in a cage.. running all day but getting no where. So much attention focused on "them" that we begin to feel left out.. used up.. and think " what about me?".
The worse I felt throughout the entire ordeal was when
the husband of a woman in my face to face support group died.
I felt jealous. I felt terrible for feeling jealous.. and worse for
recognizing it.
I don't really have any good words for you. We do it.. will continue to do it.. and know it will end someday. That illusive .. someday.

Just a hug and .. I know.

I'm, so sorry Deborah, just because we all know how you feel, it doesn't do anything to relieve it , I know. But, I know it is also important to have people around you who DO understand to help you get through this rough time. Are you taking any meds for yourself? If not, maybe it is time to do that. I know I hesitated and put it off as long as I could and when I felt I could go no lower, I caved in and am happy I did. I will get off them asap, but for now, helps me cope.

xoxo....carolyn

Oh Deb my heart bleeds for you..you know my dream was for my hubby and i to grow old together but not like this.... and i know they chose not to be this way either....i had to go on antidepressants and a nerve pill just to cope and it helps but is still hard....i will post what happened here last night..
love you hugs...

DEB....I hear your words and feel your pain, as I do all of my DS friends. Each tale may be a bit different but there are several of us at a similar spot right now and I think time is eating away at our strength.

Somehow we do always turn around but it does get harder and harder as time goes on and on and on......

In my case that is why I am hoping against hope I can make just this one afternoon of Daycare work....so that I can carry on and look forward to 5 hours once a week that are actually mine. Is 5 hours too much to ask ? Even that is putting up road blocks but we keep trying because we have to.

Forgive me but I can't remember if Rollie is in daycare at all or anything that gives you even a little break every week? Something to look forward to , like I am hoping this turns out to be.

I think we all need to look forward to something even just a few hours. If you don't have that see if you can't work it out somehow.

I love you my friend and hope you find your brightness again soon........hugs Sherri

I am already on anti-depressants and I get one day off a week. I am just tired.

understanable....its all so draining

Deborah I look at your profile picture and that beautiful smile but know how much sadness there is deep within. I know how it feels to put on a smile when I feel like crying and the brave front we show to others so they don't know how deeply we are hurting inside. Here we are able to be honest. This disease is exhausting and endless and the only relief we will ever get is when we lose the one we love. Is there anything worse? I pray that God will give you the strength you need to complete this journey........hugs, prayers and love......Jeanmarie

You know Deb...I have had a hard time thinking I (we) are too young for this horror (early onset)...but Then I look at you and you are so much younger than I going through this and it must be even harder. I am so sorry that you are faced with all this at such a young age.

You have every right to your low days, and sometimes we need them just to get it out. But always remember we love you and are here for you in any way we can.. Hugs Sherri

Thank you everyone!