So...i stayed home yesterday to sell some stuff to get some extra money since the other night she said that she wanted me out friday after i get paid......but then when she gets home she calls me and asks me where i went and i said i went to buy some luggage for my move and she breaks down crying and says that she'll see me when i get home and i say ok....bye, When i get home i ask her whats wrong and she said that she's scared of being alone and wanted me to stay so i said that im home if she wants me home, But after everything she has put me through the past couple of days i think that i am just gonna take this next month to save my checks up and just move to georgia to be with my family and find a job down there to start a new life away from all the hurt and all of the terrible memories that i have endured because of her on again off again nature......

OH just have to add that the other night when she said that she wanted me out she also told me that she basically hates me now because of the depression and mood swings

If moving on is something that you are okay with then perhaps it will provide insight to you and to her. Distancing yourself from a painful situation can sometimes be the answer if faced with no other alternative .. or if the only other way to cope is down a damaging road.

Many take such situations and make it as an excuse to abuse themselves, in the form of abusing alcohol, drugs, etc. I am glad to see that you have taken this route to travel on with a hope for a different life.

We all need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes after years and years of crying, the shoulder gets a bit warn and heavy. It's neither of your fault that this is a result of your relationship. Sometimes in order to endure we hope for a change...

If you find that you're going to go through with this decision and you're happier for it than I applaud you.

Like I mentioned, I hope this distance will help you both. Help you find understanding and forgiveness so you can move on or move forward.

Best of luck in any decisions you make.

x

She may need help too and the distance may help her see that because I feel it is never just one side to everything and I do hope things work out for you both. I am always here for you anytime. Hugs.

When you think you are going to lose somebody who you truely love, and/or life has thrown you a curve, it is easy to make an off-handed remark like the shotgun. I understand that you are just at the bottom of the barrell. I do agree with Irishwriter - what are you doing with a shotgun? Even though you say you do not plan on using it, you are in a depressed state of mind and who knows what you could do. If nothing else, but the thing away where it .would take great effort to get it, giving yourself time to think about it - make it difficult! Please get help. Worry about yourself and not your wife. If she has made up her mind then I don't know how you can change it, but if you continue with therapy and get better, then there is hope. She has left a crack open in the door. The end isn't there yet. Good luck! I will be praying for you.

for myself I see both sides..its not easy when you have something you are fighting a terrible battle which is hell but for the other person also its hard to try and be the anchor .many emotions for both..I dont talk to people now about me they cannot grasp what its like or if they do I dont want them to see my bad days..I have someone very good on here who does a Jo you are not reasoning and makes me see reason again.Loved ones its alot to ask because they need support also..what is needed is give her a hug sean

Hugs Sean, Im glad to see that you went to your doctor, and no he cant force you into the hospital unless those criteria are met, however you can put yourself in if you ever feel the need.

I think trying to better oneself is always a good plan as is working on building a stronger marriage, if that is what you want. I have no clue as to the state of your marriage so I'm not offering advice one way or another there.

Hugs to you and I hope you find your path. Im here if you ever need someone to talk to

Karen

About the shotgun......i have it in the house for protection reasons since we have lived where we do we have already had a few break in attempts, As for my situation i am currently still at home with my wife and am on good terms with her again but im just so scared that she will turn right around and do the same thing that she did just a few days ago if i stay for a long period of time like right now our or rather her property taxes are due and she is asking me to help with those which i have no problem with doing BUT what if she just wants me around long enough to pay those up and then wants me out all over again? Im so stressed out that i have even went back to smoking again after had been quit for over 6 years.....idk what to do or think at this point about our relationship,She has done this to me over and over again since we first started dating back in 02' and have fallen for her shit over and over and over again since then and still cant believe that i even fell into marriage with her. I do love her with all my heart and soul but i believe that this constant stress is literally killing me slowly but surely, Its like a slow growing cancer inside of me and i dont have the sense to get it taken care of. Especially after her saying that she's close to hating me.....which broke my heart in two to even hear. After everything that i have ever done for her how can she say that? I had supported her without complaint for the first 4 years of our marriage and she says that? I dont get it and probably never will, I just cant stand knowing that she hates me under the false sense of love that she shows me a front if you will.....i have come so close to just grabbing ALOT of alchohol from the corner store and just drinking until i sucom to alchohol poisoning but i havent yet....i just dont know what to think, I DO NOT TRUST HER because of everything in the past and especially now...i have group tomorrow morning and dont even know where to begin with telling them this,I honestly think that i want to leave now because of her but i dont want to hurt her unlike what she wanted to do OR just didnt care about what happened to me....idk which one it was but there's no denying that one of those is the truth. Because i would NEVER EVER EVER have given her four days to just pack up and move on with her life. i HONESTLY think that she had something going on with someone else and they broke it off before she could get me out and thats why she wants me to stay now.

Im sorry for ranting but i just dont know what else to do.

Sean, Now thats really something,now your smoking again. If she drives you too drinking. Then I must say it's your fault for staying in this relationship. Having a gun at home is no biggie. Legal for sure. The only one I'd give my life up for is JESUS! How long you wanna stay in the wilderness, is your choice!

Just because we love someone doesn't mean we should stay with a person especially if the relationship becomes unhealthy for either partner. I think maybe time apart to get yourself into a better place emotionally and physically is what you need to do first then go back and re-examine your relationship with your wife. Nothing wrong in loving a person but it is wrong to all each other to stay in a unhealthy situation because you both suffer that way. Hugs.

Oh and Bud, when and if you hook a right turn. Just continue being yourself. The Holy Spirit will guide and direct you. I've taken a special interest in you Sean. I think of my Son, now he is happily married with 2 children!I am on your side :)

It is good to see the psych. I don't know you, but you seem to be a heart filled soul, not unlike my own husband Allen. Now, Allen is a goober (LOL!) but by God, that man has a heart of pure Gold.

Whatever happens next, try to make sure that you have a full support team to help you.

We are here, pulling for you..........Love, Eka

I agree with some of the other posts.

Someone you love inspires you to be a better you... not driving you to a destructive path.

I'm sorry for your pain and continue to offer you my support. I understand you don't wish to be smoking and I do hope you're not going to make that drive to the liquor store ...well ever if that's what's conjuring up in your head.

My friend, if you are doubting your motives with your wife and you are still unclear of where he relationship is going then follow your heart... follow your instincts ... sometimes your first reaction to something (like you mentioned on earlier posts you wanted to pack up and stay with your family for a while) is a healthier option. Distance after all will provide you with insight if you want to move on, on your own or you want to move forward with your wife.

You need to start putting your healing as a priority if you're going to gain anything from your life. It is required you fix the problem from the cause whether it be going to the hospital even if you don't believe you're at that point that you need to go, just to ensure you don't get to that point. And then and only then when you start healing you, when you start feeling better can you move forward (get the courage to move on, or realize you want to move forward with your wife... fixed of pain and resentment).

You can do this Sean... and it's not selfish to want to take care of you first.... it's necessary in order to move past the pain.

One day at a time, that's what I tell myself when I'm overwhelmed with a bad situation. I just have to stay strong in order to breath and keep my head above water. Then when I feel I'm seeing the shore, can I start figuring out ways of what I can do so I never feel like that again. Whether it be fix something within me or fix the external reasons causing my heart ache.

You need to take care of Sean in order for Sean to move forward.

Good luck friend. Please don't hesitate to continue providing us with your take on what's going on with you. We are here for you.

((hugs))

have you ever flown before? what do the flight attendants say? if you need oxygen, put the mask on yourself first...save yourself first before you save anyone else...QUESTION: how long can you live without oxygen? I am having a similar problem--taking care of me before others. it isn't easy--challenging for sure. space is a great thing. my hubby and i had about 6 weeks worth of space--different situation, but it gave me some breathing room anyway...

BREATHE and take care of you...if space is what it takes to get better and be able to re-evaluate your situation, then do it...a little oxygen goes a very long way.

Hugs my friend!

i dont know what to do to tell you the truth.....im scared to stay because of the lack of trust but on the other side im scared to stay because of the lack of financial stability being by myself....i have a huge doufle bag waiting beside the fridge that i still havent moved since the night that she asked me to stay because im still soooo unsure and now im starting to fall back into my anxiety because everything is hitting me at once all over again, i.e. wrestling,when the wife left me in o5' for another,the fact that i hate my job and everyone here, Just EVERYTHING is coming down on me at once and i cant handle the weight.....It feels like a thousand pounds collapsing on top of my head and im about to explode, I had group yesterday and vented a little there once they forced it out of me and that helped a little but im just so unstable now because of the wife that i cant even live day to day anymore...i have to live minute to minute and its just to hard anymore