Good to see you have come back to DS and All Moody Blues. Sorry to see so much happen to you at once. Feel free to vent your frustrations anytime. That's why we are here.

Hugs

Hello Sean. I am glad cops found you in time. Sorry for your wife being careless. Anyways, life has too much too offer for you to give up so easily.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/vow-to-live-glbt-against-suicide/news/view/2163649

I think this link may help.

Please send me private message if you want to discuss. my profile is open.

Thanks,
Andy

Sean coming in with a hug..

Welcome back Sean. *hugs*

Hi Sean,
Nice to meet you...I'm glad to see that you are at least at a safer place in your life.
If ok to ask, what's up these days? Are you able to work, did being inpatient help at all?
Please don't take offense or feel obligated to answer my questions...I'm not able to work due to PTSD, and spent 8 weeks inpatient once, and it helped me a great deal, so I was just wondering what your experience was like...
Be Well,
Anna

Thx all for welcoming me back, atleast DS still gives a shit........To be honest Twisted inpatient only diluted the problem temporarily as it was essentially what caused me to lose my job and ruin my life, Im not doing good right now as the job that i do have is to clean bathrooms and mop floors for 3-4 hours a night and i am only getting paid $7.50/Hr.....Which is complete horse shit. I am honest to god one of the very few people working for this cleaning company even doing all he is supposed to do yet all i get is constant complaints about me not doing my job because of a fucking lazy POS that works on 1st shift that is supposed to have the exact same job as i do yet does nothing and the boss seems like she is wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to this certain individual........Anyways atm im scared to even say or do anything out of fear of losing my place to stay which is my very last option......Im living with my mom and step dad with my little brother and all i ever hear is constant whispering/bitching about me and my brother not having a " REAL JOB " and not " STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE " when it comes to bills.......im so scared im going to end up on the streets without a place to go yet when i tell my step dad that i cant get a regular job because of having serious back issues " Having had spinal fusion in 2010 " i cant stand for long periods of time anymore but nobody fucking believes me........idfk wtf to do........those feelings that led to me being in the hospital are coming back and they're stronger than ever before and its getting incredibly hard to fend them off again.........

sean, good to see you hear again. you've had a really tough time. can you go inpatient for a while and give yourself a break?

Hi Sean,
Thanks for taking the time to explain all that to me.
You have been through a hell of a hard time...losing your job, divorce, moving back in with your parents, an injury that keeps you from the work you are trained to do, and a stay inpatient.
I wish I had some magic words that would make all of this better for you but I don't. Life is just plain hard for you right now. What I can say is that I believe you 100% that due to your spinal fusion you can not stand for long periods of time anymore and that narrows your job options considerably.
I give you much credit for staying this sane having moved back in with your parents...were it me, my mother and her boyfriend would be tied to chairs with duct tape across their mouths :) Okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but my imagination wanders...

I'm wondering with your spinal fusion, do you go to PT, have any medical documentation stating your limitations, or could you get any medical documentation stating perhaps disability due to the fusion?
It may not sound like a great option either, but you may qualify for low income housing, or subsidized housing as well as food stamps, and medicaid based on your income. It's not the best option, but it gets you out of your parents house, into an affordable apartment and time to get yourself together and some money saved while looking for a better job.
To qualify for low income or subsidized housing you would need to earn less than $11,670 per year as a single person...if this is the case for you, maybe consider going to a local housing authority office in your area for applications.
I will warn you...the people at the housing authorities will not be pleasant, they will try their best to be unhelpful, and there will be so much red tape to crawl through, you will want to go live in a tree by the time you are done, so if you have Valium, bring it.
Feel free to message anytime if you go this route...before I got sick I used to be a social worker, so I might be useful still :)
Best, Anna

Hi Andy,

I don't mean to be rude, but there is no indication in this post that providing links to LGBT hotlines are appropriate. Don't get me wrong, these hotlines are absolutely necessary in the world today, they just don't seem at all indicated here, and I'm wondering why you wouldn't just post the regular National Suicide Hotline which seems to be geared more to the needs of the author of the post. So, since you didn't I will.

Here's the link, you can click to chat online
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

And the phone number is
800-273-8255

This website and phone number is open to anyone- any race, religion, or sexual orientation.

Andy, again I don't mean to be rude. I understand the need for specific numbers for the LGBT population, I just don't see where it fits in here...please take no offense.

Anna

I have applied for SSI twice now and have twice been turned down because they say im not in " Physical need " of an ssi income because as they see it i can still work.......My mom will barely fuckin talk to me anymore and especially when her husband is home from work......All my step dad does is CONSTANTLY throw up the fact that HE pays all the bills, HE brings REAL FOOD into the house......My brother is always throwing up the fact that he is the educated one and im not........Im seriously starting to feel highly suicidal again and just dont see any fucking need to turn it around, My wife sent me some shit on Facebook on valentines day night trying to say she had my W2's after id already recieved them in the mail last week.....She TOLD me she wanted the address that im at now so she could send the divorce papers and all i did was basically sum up my un dieing hate for her and how i dont give a fuck about her SUPPOSEDLY having cancer and dieing......and that is truly how i feel about her now, She is a habitual liar so i doubt she has any form of cancer. Anyways to sum it all up here i have been feeling very depressed for the last few weeks and its not getting any better in fact its getting ALOT worse and gets worse by the day.....I hate myself and everything that i have ever done in this world and i just simply dont feel i need to be here any longer

Hey Sean,

I'm sorry to hear how much things bite right now. You have every reason to be angry. Your mother's husband sounds like he's being a jerk to you on purpose...what is that all about? Also, if your brother is the educated one, why is he living at home instead of working and getting his own place?

It seems like you are getting ganged up on and that just does not feel good, and then all the stuff with your ex on top of it, and being denied SSDI 2x...you are in crisis mode.

Please consider hiring and SSDI attorney...they don't get any money up front and they do all the leg work. In my years as a social worker, I found Allsup to be consistently reliable, fair and good at what they do.

Feeling like you don't need to be here...I get that. I'm a big believer in end of life rights....but what I see here is a really intelligent, well written person...I have no idea how old you are, or what kind of work you used to do, but clearly you are self aware and aware of the people around you as well.
These are really good qualities that come in handy in so many ways...I just wonder if when you are on your own 2 feet, and separated from the toxic people in your life, how much your intelligence and insight would grow and expand and where it could take you...and who it could even lead you to.

It's clear you are a good guy...loyal and faithful, not the type to step out on his wife, and I don't know, I just don't see this as your last relationship...I know I don't know you, it's just a feeling I get..
I guess I'd hate to see you miss out on having a partner as loyal as you...

I have a pretty crazy family...I've been inpatient more than once, I've been ready to OD because of their cruelty and abuse, but I am by choice, estranged now. That is not the right choice for everyone, but Sean,
you will not always be living at your folks...I can promise you that. Life is not static. It changes every second.

as far as your ex, shut down facebook...don't torture yourself with all the drama...just do what you need to do, and when you mother's husband and your brother get on your case about groceries, job, whatever
Just repeat this phrase over and over "I'm sorry you feel that way"
Say it to everything they say to you..you'll stay calm they'll get irritated b/c they wont be able to get a reaction out of you...

So, I really can' t tell you what to do with your life, but I hope you take a deep breath, and know you have some people in your corner here, and I know I would prefer it if you decided to live.

Take good care of you, and think very carefully before making any decsions....]

Best, Anna

*what kind of work did you used to do?

Hi sean, I can understand all the medical issues and PAIN. I look ok like there is not much wrong with me physically. But the pain is exhausting me and limits me greatly. Are you seeing a psych doc and a councilor?
If not do so get a diagnosis and start all over adding this to your disability claim. I filled out the papers and Hired a lawyer before I even seen the disability doctors.
I am sorry about all you are going through . I am here if you ever want to message me. I check in at least about 5 days a week.

I sat before my doctor and with my list of a company not paying wages which put me in debt..which meant I was about to loose my house..I was diagnosed with a conditon that I wouldnt wish on my worse enemy..my best friend had just died..I just couldnt see an light at the end of the tunnel..my doctor said..some things we cannot control..smaller things can be magnified that they look worse than they really are..you loose youre coping skills..I know people say that things can get better..but you dont see this at the time..theres alot of anger..oh boy have I been angry..but I saw a poem called dont quit..Sean one thing you might feel youre in a dark place at the moment..but youre not alone..keep reaching out...warmest hugs

Hey Sean, I know how you feel about the SSI thing, I've been turned down twice too because there is nothing physically wrong with me enough to get it. Seems like your step-dad is being a real pain right now. In fact everyone you live with it seems and your wife.

I've been down the road where it seems there's no way out. Sometimes we just have to wait out and live day by day or even hour by hour if we have to. You can always come here and talk to us or you can send me a private message as well.

(Big hugs)

well the BEST work i ever did was in a drug rehab facility and while it didnt pay extremely well i had CONSTANT work so it kept my mind busy all the time, i was a driver for them for almost 2 years and then when i got my personal trainers license i was able to take charge of the gym they had on site......then when i became very suicidal my wife had my arrested AT FUCKING WORK so my employer seen all of this and even tho i begged my wife to not tell them what it was all about she still went to the owner and told them everything that i was on for my depression and anger and anxiety and just didnt give a fuck about the consequences PLUS told them that i totally destroyed a room at the ER and went ballistic on the police officer that had taken me there.....My work said they were holding my job for me while i was in inpatient but when i got out they wanted a meeting with me and asked me if i was on any medications at the time and i told them yes, So they fired me because i hadnt told them i was on prescription drugs as is stated in the handbook that it is policy to inform them of ANY medications u are on because of the work environment we were in.......And now on a daily basis i either think 1 of 2 things, Killing myself or driving 1000 miles back to MI to fucking strangle her for EVERYTHING SHE HAS FUCKING PUT ME THROUGH GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!! I am so fucking angry ALL THE TIME and im sick of feeling this way, I want to get better i want to get past this i want to be how i was when i was able to professionally wrestle like i had always FUCKING DREAMED but thanks to my shotty fucking back and my piece of shit motherfucking whore wife i cant do ANYTHING ANYMORE....I honest to god dont see a good ending for me.....I have done some fucked up shit in life but isnt losing EVERY FUCKING THING GOOD ENOUGH FOR GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!???? I believe i have paid my debt but im still not allowed to be happy at all......I want to just be done