I am newly sober too, since May 8th. And I do think about relapsing too but then my next thought is remembering how sick I got every time I drank and how shitty I felt all the time and that stops me. I never got anything done cause i was either too busy drinking or too busy being sick from drinking. Now I actually do stuff. I go for walks. I go to the pool. I read books. I volunteer. Yeah I still think about all the stuff I miss from my days of drinking but what I am gaining is far more special!

sorry. i took it the very same way plains took it. seemed a tad sarcastic to me but if you say otherwise.......

let us not hijack htl's thread further....

cabledude - I didn't know if your post was sincere or not, but yours was not the reason I wrote about not being here - it was another poster on a thread today who was pretty hateful about something I wrote - I apologize for the confusion, putting the two comments together - I had just read something from someone else about me keeping my controversy under my hat on another thread and that I was not that important - so as I was responding to your congrats, I included my discouragement about the other.

Sorry to anyone else about the confusion.

Thanks Jacker. I didn't want to be the one to say it. Ha! The good thing behind all this worry is that I have a healthy amount of fear associated with taking another drink. It baffles me when people talk about slipping with one drink or having "just a few" or even going back to social drinking. If I were to relapse, I wouldn't "waste" it on a few drinks, unfortunately.

The more I thought about the possibility of relapse, the more afraid I felt to go back to that hell and desperation. I was wanting to drink but not wanting the pain I knew would come with it. "Social drinking" is not an option for me - I am certain of that much.

The beauty of it is... Seems to me if FEAR of an end result can keep me sober through a few urges to drink then I must have step 1 down pretty well. Now I just need to do something about that annoying urge.

Jacker 2 - if you read what I wrote about social drinking, that I prefer sobriety because when I DO partake, it seems to be on my mind more than I would like it to. That is where I am at in this journey. Perhaps it wasn't clear that I still struggle with that and that I prefer feeling clean and non cluttered about drink. I just shared where I was at with it. I never said this is where I landed and this is where I wish to remain -

Hey plains - Stick around. Welcome to the world wide web of alkies. I think there are a few thousand people in this group. Don't worry about a crappy comment once in awhile. It's just going to happen that way. Focus on the good stuff. There is lots of it here.

As far as "where you are," most of us have been there. Kudos to you for your honesty. I hope you can find a way to long term sobriety.

Thanks HTL and I hope you got to relish in your day of freedom!

Olive, I know exactly whatcha mean, I went through a period like that myself...actually not too long ago! I think it's kinda healthy to be a little afraid of it, shows that you still know where you were, where you've been and you remember where you don't want to go again.

But don't let that fear consume you, use it and move on. Try not to worry and like you said, just put one foot in front of the other.... :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9jeh4mA5us

i use to never worry.............i had no problems..............i started listening .......................i started to worry. it messed me up.

it has taken me a long time to stop listening............i am slowly retuning to "seeing".................it is ironic...........faith is that which you can't see. i still have problems......................but i am rubbing my eyes to see.

peace

I think that you have hit on the right idea about staying in the moment. It sounds hard but with practice it does become easier over time.

I used Mindfulness meditation to help me with this and it benefited me greatly.

BUT the best way for me to stop worrying about relapsing was to experience the Step 10 promises of the 12 step programme - these set me free from worrying about that.