Olive, don't be so hard on yourself. For me it was natural to be terrified of relapsing in those early days. Once we realise what a horrible disease alcoholism is and what it can do to us, it's such a jolt to the system and it takes time for that to ease its way out.

I have many alcoholics in my family who have died from the disease and so once I had admitted that I was an alcoholic (I had been a blackout drinker for 18 years but had NEVER admitted on any level that I was an alcoholic unitl my rock bottom) I was literally in MORATAL TERROR that the disease would get me.

But it didn't and it continues to be at bay 11 years later as I continue on my daily program of AA.

It IS true to say that fear can get is sober but it won't keep us sober in the long run - but it's a bloody good motivator at the start!! lol

So just keep doing the drill and eventually, maybe imperceptually, the fear will be replaced by faith - don't forget the 12thStep: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. It is as a result of the steps that you will have a spiritual awakening that will keep you and your sobriety strong.

We are good at worrying, HTL. Most of us have been doing it for a good while so we are pretty good at it. Good thing is we are aware of it, and we are finally getting to the point to where we are beginning to respond rather than react, playing mental tapes all the way through, and grabbing ahold to the power greater than ourselves.

We are familiar with setting ourselves up however, we now have a different way to deal with life. We do exactly as you have stated, "We get in the "now" and stay grateful as much as we can possibly muster. Your last four statements are the stuff of action. Good moves!! Keep it up; you are going somewhere, now!!!!
Darrell

They say alcohism is the 'thinking disease' and that is so true of me......my head will overthink every situation.

To me HTL, it is faith that keeps my relapse thoughts at bay. I know that if I keep doing the next right thing, if I work the steps, if I keep up communicaiton with fellow alcoholics and my sponsor, if I remain grateful and keep handing things over to my HP, relapse is not here.

There is alot of 'ifs' in the above paragraph and that means I have to work at this. Keep working I do and life just keeps smiling back at me (well, not always, yet eventually it does lol).

Have a good day.

Olive it's all part of the process. i do think it's good to be concerned and aware but don't forget the moment of today and live in the sobriety and be grateful - there will come a time that you won't be consumed with worry over this.

Hang in there kiddo you are doing great!

Peace

Oh, I so get what you said. I can't say I obsess over it, but I do worry, that's why I go to meetings and talk to other sober alcoholics, recite the Serenity Prayer, and go places like here, so that I don't relapse. I don't have the compulsion (thank you God!) to drink any more and don't think about it very often, but I have shared at meetings, I have great admiration for those that do slip and can come back into the rooms. I'm not sure I have that kind of courage, so not slipping is not an option for me.

Hugs,
Karen

SLIP = Sobriety Loses It's Priority - this was posted a while ago and I LIKE it!

Worry is self defeating, but about this issue to ponder it is OK. I find that if I am "over thinking" about it - that means I am under attack by the temptor (I'm a Christian, so I know Satan is after me since alcoholism is his weapon against me and my family) and I have to "suffer" thru it. Some days, the 'suffering" is fierce. When I don't drink at all, I tend not to think about it.

From time to time, I am trying "social drinking" since my husband drinks daily - it's HARD to stop when it is in the house daily, but nevertheless, I CAN be that overcomer. Not sure if I even want to "socially drink" because as I find out, I tend to "worry" or think about it too much whereas when I abstain, I don't think about it. I'd prefer the latter - it's nice to be here to talk it out. It's helping me reinforce that even a few from time to time is not something I really like doing because then I cause worry to myself, not to mention bloat and over working my liver.



While for the most part, I have cut waaaaaaaay back over the years, I am testing the "social drinking" deal. I find that I can drink a few, but there's always that line that I might

For the most part I don't worry too much about relapsing. I know I am not ever going to drink, so the main feeling I have is relief, not worry. This weekend was a little different for me.

My dad is not doing all that well. I am in NJ visiting him and I hit the point that I thought that in the evening I would end up drinking to try to deal with it better. I didn't. In fact when everyone came over and started opening beers, it wasn't an issue for me.

I like your quote.... that is something I need to keep with me in my heart.

And even if today has sorrow along with the joy, that is no reason for me to drink. Besides, I get the sloppy tears when I'm drunk -- and who needs to deal with that?

Your post put words to some of what I've been feeling -- thanks.

serenity prayer

HTL, when I was in my first 6 months, my life was filled with activities that had me working towards changing old habits and lifestyle. I was way too busy attending meetings, working the steps, exercising, spending time with family and friends, counselling, doing puzzles, and just renewing life in a safe sober environment to worry about relapse. I read up a lot on relapse, and became aware, but you don't need to go back out and test the waters, especially since you've done it so often enough with not so favourable results yeah.

I was such a worry- wart I guess it kinda went with never knowing what to expect next....As i was black-out drinker And I was never to sure what I'd wake up to....But they advised to try to stay in the day, center my day around "what meeting I was going to each day"(#1) , If something was pressing Lol!!! boy , was there alot of stuff pressing(the meeting after the meeting) someone always to talk to, sponsor ,Step work, prayers,quiet time to start each day , my latest cool recovery Book, Hanging out at the beach with sober friends, a nice nap, a hot bubble bath, a nice cup of tea to relax....Ah!!! the days over Still Sobarr Lol!!!
My early and even the same today Sobarr days...
If I don't take the first drink..."I want get Drunk...prettybrilliant the AAers were "rocket scientists" Lol!!!
Billy

Isn't it nice that we can be aware and snap ourselves out of that thinking? We are only human and it happens. It's what we do with the thoughts that count. You are applying what you have learned here and in AA.

You, my friend, are doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Keep in mind that you don't have to go through anything alone, nor should you. We all need each other.

So, good on you! Me so proud. :)

xoxo
~Chris

cabledude - Your message is very realistic - I have been in that boat and it's been a process for me - as I said, I prefer to be sober, to not partake at all - that's the best.

I think I've just said too much here and I thought this forum would be helpful, but it is not. It is very condemning. Big mistake. Sorry.

Just my exp.

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do,
for alcohol is a subtle foe.
We are not cured of alcoholism.
What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 85

I love the verse in the bible where God says "Is anything too hard for me?"

cd-- can we try not to drive the newcomers away with caustic judgements which are neither helpful nor what this board is about?

htl, it is so amazing how far you've come in such a short time. i'm in awe....