So do I. I'd still look into Alanon. They can teach you how to cope with an alcoholic, sober or not. Might get him thinking of AA if he needs support.

Hugs,
Dennis

Hello hope0612,

I hope that it lasts too and that this is the beginning of a new and happy chapter in your life. I also hope that I am completely wrong when I raise some doubts about whether or not your husband will remain sober in the long term.

Experience has shown that many alcoholics who drink morning, noon and night will find it difficult to stay sober, unless they deal with the cause of their drinking. Fear of the consequences, such as being put in jail, will keep your husband sober for a time but what happens when the fear begins to fade and the thought of a few drinks begins to dominate his thinking again?

A person who has a mental obsession for alcohol is said to be defenceless against the thinking that leads up to taking the first drink. All thoughts of the trouble that drinking caused in the past are cast aside and he or she will often believe that it will be different this time. However, if that person is an alcoholic one drink will produce a strong craving for more and the trouble of the past will be repeated again and again.

It is only by finding some means of removing the obsession for alcohol that many alcoholics can achieve long term sobriety. There are various ways of removing that obsession. A fortunate few will decide not to drink again and the longer that they remain sober the weaker the obsession gets, until it is no longer a problem. For many others, not drinking is not enough because the voice in the head (the obsession) is still telling them that they need alcohol. A day will come when the obsession is stronger than their willpower and they will drink again.

Like I said, I hope that I am wrong but if you find that your new happiness does not last and that your husband returns to drinking, there are a couple of things that you may wish to consider. First of all, look after yourself by going to Al-Anon, and encourage your husband to seek help.

He will be in mandatory treatment as part of his parole. I think this means he will see an addiction counselor and have to attend a program. He is looking at Smart Recovery and AA.

So far he seems to be doing okay dealing with cravings and triggers.

Fingers crossed....folks here and in many other places are proof it change, things can Improve.

Doesn't happen by accident or magic though in my experience...a certain amount of desire is needed to get well and stay the course.

P

Agree with Dennis. Its great that your husband isnt drinking. Is he doing anything else to stay sober? AA?
No matter, you should go to ALANON. they'll help you to be healthy and happy independant of his alcoholism.

The thing is I drank to cope w life.

Hey there is a great group here called wives of alcoholics. Check it out.

Best!

I might go to a therapist, but I don't think I will go to Alanon. Isn't that a 12-step program?

Hello Hope,
I am with PJ54. He says what I would like to say.

I know there are some alcoholics that haven't quite reached the depths of bottom line, and they are able to pursue other successful means of treatment. For most of us true alcoholics, it takes divine intervention.

Yes, Al-Anon is based on a 12-step program, but in the end I think you will find that any treatment is exactly the same. It just uses different terminology.

My opinion is that you should take care of you. I know that's hard to do when your husband is suffering like that. If you want to help him and yourself, I can only suggest going to Al-Anon, and therapy, and anything else you have access to. Go to them all, if possible.

Deogee --

"True alcoholics?" My husband is certainly not a fake alcoholic. So I am not sure what you are talking about. I am not waiting around for divine intervention to come and make him get sober. If he doesn't get this figured out, then we will end up apart.

Also, what do you mean that any treatment is exactly the same?

Hi hope0612:

I am glad to see that your husband is getting better. Although it is a cliche. Try to relax as much as possible. Just enjoy every day he is sober like it is your last one together. Drop the word sober out of the sentence and it becomes the standard cliche. Don't you hate them cliches...

Going to a therapist is an interesting idea if you are so inclined. Just be advised that 12 steppism is relatively common in that field and finding one that goes against that grain may take some looking around for the best fit...

It is real good that your husband is looking at the two options of AA and SMART. He has no excuse to reject help as AA is a faith based 12 step program relying heavily on divine intervention to attain long term sobriety.

While SMART is pragmatic and takes a more secular approach dealing with identifying triggers and strategies for dealing with cravings. Each can be as equally effective as a support mechanism and be used together or separately...

If your husband decides to strike out on his own and not attend a support group that's OK too. He is by no means doomed to drink abusively again if he graduates from program and stops or changes his attendance at a support group...

Contrary to popular belief there are a fair number of drunks who just get up one morning and decide to stop drinking never to drink again...

Thanks Zach. He seems to be doing fine. I know that at a couple weeks it is still early, but he is doing okay even around other drinkers. (Not that we are going to parties, but we went to family get togethers over the holiday and people were having wine and beer.)

It is such a relief to be around him sober. I don't think I realized how much I was walking on eggshells because of his drinking until he stopped.

It is my sincerest hope that he feels better around you when he is sober too (lol)...

Hope -

Sorry if what I said came off the way it did. Sometimes it's very difficult to explain and say what I mean online.

Yes, I believe your husband is a "true" alcoholic. I guess I was thinking more along the lines that he is not homeless, in prison, institutionalized. Sometimes that is what it takes to make an alcoholic get serious help.

And sometimes, since no other method helps, when it comes to the point mentioned above, only divine intervention will help.

As far as all treatment being the same - I have found in my extensive methods of treatment that it's all the same - letting go of ego, humility, getting rid of self.

I still think Al-Anon would be a good place to start.

Hope, so happy for you and your husband. 2 weeks is phenomenal!

Here in Texas, they say people come to vacation, leave on probation.

I know many people in AA who got here by court order and had to get slips signed. Probation officers can also show up with no notice to have probationers blow into the tube to keep them honest.

I don't know when your husband's court date is but I truly hope he continues to do well. We clean up pretty good! And besides that, you and the kids deserve a sober husband/father.

The suggestion to check out Al-Anon is not a bad one. My husband has 19 yrs in that program and our 30 yr old just celebrated 1 yr. I will be 22 yrs sober in Oct. This is a family disease. The whole family gets sick. My daughter was 8 when I stopped drinking. She didn't even remember that I had ever drank. Yet even at that age, my drinking had effected her.

Please don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. Couldn't hurt to research Al-Anon. Godspeed.

So far so good.

He is still not drinking. He has no parole and no mandatory attendance for alcohol counseling. He checked out AA but did not like it and I don't think he plans on attending.

He seems to be doing okay.