hosea, read your post over again slowly.....then you tell me. Is saying his daughter's "hot" appropriate? Is him telling his son all women are stupid appropropriate?. Is being passed out with a toddler that could be crushed if he rolls over appropriate?

Good Lord! It is your responsibility to keep those children safe. Priority #1!

Hosea im sorry but I agree with gr8ful2b... the things your husband is saying or doing is not right for anyone who is or is not drinking, I do not see it as a safe enviroment for you and your children.

You brought those innocent children into this world, now you need to protect them. "He tells our 7 year old that she's hot" makes me furious. Is this what little girls should hear from grown men? Shouldn't fathers PROTECT their little girls? Do little girls need to think of themselves as sexual beings? What kind of couple are you showing your children? What kind of hubands will your daughters choose, how much respect will your son show women? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?


Wake up! You have somehow lost your boundaries and good sense along the way. He's an alcoholic. He'll change when he wants to. You can't change him. While you're taking the time to learn about a crazy substance, your children are learning how to BE crazy.

Please, get to a family counselor, use every resource your city has to offer and start being a responsible mother.

Get him to a meeting, if he wont go , call the AA hotline , get the local chapter , call somebody there and see if the will come meet with him. Make this meeting when hes sober , just off a bender.

None of this is good. High alch content, "hot " little girl. WRONG

Tell him to get sober or leave.

GL

Hello hosea77,

I would agree with what the others have stated. Your first priority is your childrens safety and it doesnt look like they are in a safe environment right now.

Your husband may be genuine when he promises to change but if he is an active alcoholic those promises will always be broken sooner or later. It doesnt mean that he is a bad person but he may be suffering from an illness that is beyond his power to control. Will he ever change? Well, sadly the chances are that unless he gets help, his drinking will gradually get worse. If he does agree to get help he can live a completely normal life without alcohol.

The standard reply that is given to someone in your position is to go to Al-Anon meetings and maybe that would be of some benefit to you. There will be people at Al-Anon who have experience of dealing with the same problem and you could do with their knowledge and support.

Tell him to leave and if he doesn't call the police or you leave, it is your job to protect your children, that is no kind of life for them or for you, make a change now, your lives depend on it.

Hosea77, I see everybody getting down on you. You are in a tuff place. If your husband doesn't realize how bad his behavior is, video tape him. I know if someone would have done that to me, I would be so embarrased. Also he is an alcoholic and won't stop drinking until he WANTS to. So you need to decide what you have to do to be a good parent and also good to yourself.

This is sad.
I'm an adult victim of child verbal and sexual abuse, and, I can tell you....what your husband is doing to your children is just NOT ok. Its not.
You are a grown woman. You can make your own choices. But make the right choice for your kids. Get them OUT of this situation now.

not much more I can add...but you are certainly in a tough position, but at the same time you are in a position where you can make some decisions that will protect you and your children. I feel terrible about the situation...no children should bear witness to that kind of behavior. But it will only get worse. Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal illness. If you stick around, things *will* deteriorate and who knows what my happen to you and/or your children.

Hubby is not a bad person, but just sick. Get safe.

Well I talked and yelled at him today and gave him a zero tolerance ultimatum and now hes gone to a friends house to drink. He never goes over to friends but told me his friend would offer him a beer and he will drink it he said. Then he said but that runs into the zero tolerance so whatever he said that he is confused..

what was your ultimatum? zero tolerance for what?

Zero tolerance for his drinking because I read about that on that active recovery...oh gosh so confused...

Rational recovery

no... don't video tape him... good grief, you aren't his mom or his parole officer or his therapist, you video taping him and shaming him will just end up with him feeling liek crap and resenting you... that is not how addicts get sober. listen... you have no control over him, his actions or his (lack of) sobriety... I know it's hard to understand when it so greatly affacts your life, but it's seriously not your business... what IS your business is the sanity, health and safety of you and your children.

I know this is not the answer you want... when people first come for help dealing with an addict it's almost always because they are looking for someone to say "this is how you fix them"

you aren't going to get that from me because it can't happen.

so... he is who he is... this is what he does... these are the things he says and does and you have no reaosn to believe that it will be any different... so...the choices are live like that and be miserable, live like that and find a way to be sane, or leave him. Not that I expect you to give me an answer NOW... but as people living in the insanity of an life with an addict, no matter how many posts we create or conversations we have or times we ask for help that's what it will boil down to.

sending you hugs.

sorry, didn't realize until I was done that you wrote this on the Alcoholism board looking for advice from addicts.