Yes that's the battle cry of the addict. I don't want to but I do. Why?
I didnt need to figure out the why. That's coming slowly in sobriety. I needed to be shown the "how" as to how not to drink a day at a time. For me the answers were and are in the program of AA. I'm pretty smart, but no amount of my own intellect was working on this particular problem. Once I finally fully admitted and accepted that.....I recovered.

How has your addiction (I take it this is alcohol?) improved? Have you been able to use willpower or are you in some kind of program?

What you describe - about doing it even when you don't want to - sounds like what I experienced but my drinking got steadily worse with some bits of dry time earlier on in the effort to stop but then I ended up a 24/7 drinker. I have a progressive illness that progresses whether I drink or not.

You might have a different kind of drinking problem to me so if you could say how it's improved, that would be helpful in giving you some pointers.

Hello hopeinjoy,

When I was drinking I would have described myself as a functioning alcoholic but now I would say, functioning compared to what?

It looks like your problem may be with something other than alcohol but regardless of what the chemical is the solution is much the same. I thought that I could solve the alcohol problem by gaining a lot of knowledge about alcoholism and that I didnt need help from anyone. I learned a lot and yet I learned practically nothing and of course what I did learn was of no use to me as I still found it impossible to stop drinking.

It was only by listening to people at AA meetings talking about the solution that is to be found in the Big Book that it all started to make sense. It explained the reasons why I was always drawn to that first drink, regardless of the promises and good intentions and it further explained why I could not take one drink without drinking a whole lot more. Right at the start, just learning those things was enough to enable me to stay sober.

Later, I realized that something about my way of thinking would have to change if I was going to have a chance of maintaining that sobriety. For me, bringing about that change required a programme of recovery. It looks like you are trying to control your addiction and while a very small minority may succeed with that approach, for most it will end in failure. In my opinion you need help and until you are willing to accept that help you will be fighting a tough battle.

When you stop fighting and accept help you will have a great chance of winning.

I agree with all who posted above myself. I too was a "functioning alcoholic" who drank daily (all day) and carried about like nothing was wrong, although SO MUCH was wrong.

To find out why we drink even when we don't want to is very simple. we are sick with a disease called Alcoholism. what causes us to pick up the first one may be different for every one of us, but if we are really wanting to stop...you have to WANT TO. I am newly sober and am learning so much from listening to others, attending AA meetings and really trying to figure out and work the 12 Steps. the first one is that we are to admit we are powerless over Alcohol. "that is why we drink even if we don't want to". powerless.

Hope you get the help you need!! and get some of that hope & joy back! Good luck!
J

We are POWERLESS over our addiction whether it's drugs or booze and until we SURRENDER, we're going to keep doing it. We've GOT to admit that we're powerless, and we have to acknowledge that there is some power greater than ourselves. We've got to surrender to that power, and ask it to remove our problem. Once we've surrendered, and completely and totally believed that we were powerless --- our "problem" will be removed! But we have to be vigorously honest and continue to be honest or we'll relapse.

This is a disease that doesn't go away. It stays with us. So we have to be vigilant. Our Higher Power will help us if we help ourselves.

AA saved my life, literally. I would have died without it. This July, God willing, I'll have 20 years cieal & sober. I pray that I make it. I think I will, but I just take it one day at a time. That's what you should do too. Just one day at a time. That's all anyone can do. God bless.

yeh you know ive heard people share that it would be alot easier if our addict voice spoke like darth vader - in the early days i was lost in confusion and lies the only clarity i got was from listening to recovering addict/ alkies share. Identification can be such a powerful tool to confronting yourself and learning to accept yourself. Sometimes we dont have the wisdom to know the difference between the addict and us and thats where the power of we or higher power comes in because on our own we dont know and on my own i have no defence against these thought of using x

It is hard to give up something that has become such a part of your life, but it can be done. When you find yourself drawn to the substance, fast-forward in your mind to where youve already consumed it and focus on how bad you will feel at that pointnot just the physical aspect, but emotionally. What helped me get through the cravings is to remember the guilt. Try focusing on that really awful feeling that comes AFTER you useit is so easy to think about the instant gratification we will feel when we give in, and we are more likely to push the negative thoughts away almost automatically when we think of satisfying our craving. Practice reminding yourself of why you dont want to drink/use when you feel that craving coming on.
Each time you dont give in, you will feel better about yourself. This, along with saying to yourself I dont want to feel like (fill in the blank) during/after can help you to resist giving in. After passing each personal milestone, no matter how small, I felt a little more pride in what I was doing. It kept me from wanting to start over because I had come so farI didnt want to throw my achievements away. I had finally started doing what I had wanted to do for years but kept finding excuses for putting off, and I was happy that I could function on a daily basis without any alcohol.
It is still hard, but I return to this tactic to push away the romantic thoughts about drinking that pop upit works for me, and Im going on 7 months sober after being a binge drinker for 17 years. Remind yourself that cravings will pass, and that you are strong enough to ride them out. It may take some practice, but it is worth it. Alcohol no longer defines me, and cutting this addiction from my life has shown me that I am strong enough to do other positive things as well. Find the method that works for you and stick with it even when it hurts. Youll feel better about yourself for doing so.

In your profile you do not even mention alcoholism, so if it's that far down your list of priorities you are unlikely to stay sober. Maybe dealing with all your other 'issues' you may not have the time or energy to drink.

Yes Maybe!! he he!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRlOI3N7Hao&list=AL94UKMTqg-9A1jUhDtjjc873oYpS2ubpR

Yes.. There were times during bender and feeling blah horrible, and coming out of haze... even though the thought of another sip of alcohol would be cloying & non quenching...

The last thing I wanted to drink was the alcohol felt compelled to finish off... As if having a partial bottle of anything a waste.

In other words, I was not the target demographic for those special recorking pressure cork gimmicks on bottles of wine. Putting a cork *into* a bottle of wine seemed like a rare experience of silly folly