Oh hon. i am not trying to rain on your parade. Sobriety is not perfect or easy. I had a child with a terminal illness that I had to take care of sober. i had cancer. I have a failed marriage. I have had deaths. I have lost friends. well WTF ANGEL? Why stay sober then?
Because sobriety may not be perfect but it is better. Imagine how my daughter would have felt if she was dying while i was partying? What does a 4 year old know of alcoholism? of over-powering compulsion? Hell for that matter what does cancer know of it? Nothing... but my body lived possibly only because I was not already destroyed by drinking.
i can live my life with clear thinking. I can stop vomiting liquor every minute. I can walk from point a to point b in a straight line.
It is not about the what ifs for me... it is about the Never agains for me. Never again do i have to smell like a dog's ass. Never again do i have to wake up in a pool of my own fluids from drinking.
what if what if what if? When the Whatif rears it's ugly head that is when i run. What if? What if my hair was purple? It means nothing. What does mean something? What is real? Today we are sober you and i... what else is there? Praying for you!

Yes it can be both fear of success and fear of failure. But mostly it's getting used to living- thinking, doing, being- without the boozed up brain.

Hang in there. It will get better. Things will become less weird and overwhelming. You will still be you, fears and all, but it will get easier and better.

I remember being asked "what made you drink?" And I had to stop and think.... why did I drink? I had a great job, money in the bank, a new love (new love is soooo wonderful) health, good looks, etc. And I now realize that I almost always sabotaged my success. I had to mess it all up. Why?

Because I am one messed up unit.... you too?

Good looking... lololol.. JK.. (crankyman)
I think wether there is alcohol involved or not.. our old brains.. childhood core beliefs play a big role in our neg. thought processes.. sometimes we are always waiting for that other shoe to drop if everything feels too good and when it does we let that stop us dead in our tracks of the pursuit of happiness... Don't overanalyze and stick to the trusty old instinct.. for me it is that little whisper from above.. ~

Ditto to what Angel said , chasing the moon What does that mean. I've looked and looked hoping I guess, to find that one discipline or prayer that would relieve, wanting and waiting for all out wholeness . You see i thought it was going to be just that one thing. And then easy street. What I,ve found is a thirst Lol!!! which began with a desire to not drink, A life on many levels so different than my drunken history. That leads to the life I lead today, which at times seems way to challenging, while at other times seems so perfectly aligned . My attitude may not always be zippy do da but I always continue to grow in spite of how I feel. my biggest fear on my inventory was failure and sucess, another piece of the puzzle.
Billy

Man, I was always living in the future or living in yesterday. Could not enjoy the day.
When times were good, I always looked for the black cloud to come. Didn't realize I was the one sabotaging any chance for a happy, peaceful life. I felt everything more acutely sober. Fear, anger, anxiety, rage, self loathing. I wanted to be sober yet didn't realize the lengths I was willing to go to, lol.

I refuse to live a fear driven life today because that's not living. But howtolive, I remember when I was where you are. I didn't know that I could change the direction of my thoughts. How are your meetings going? Got a sponsor yet?? Face to face contact was vital for me.

Hi How2Live,

Your "non-sense" makes complete sense, to me, anyway. What is the point to remaining sober? What is the reward for all the hard work?

The twelve promises pretty much say it all. What do you fear? I figure that it is part of the human condition to fear change of any kind, positive or negative. It is often that we don't realize the benefits of positive change, until after we experience it.

What are we to do as fearful human beings? I have only LEARNED to walk through the fear (the fire?) and trust that I would not get burned. After walking through the fear, I realized that the water found on the other side of the fire storm more than quench my burning soul.

TRUST TRUST TRUST...that theer is a better life awaiting you and can be experienced sooner than later.

Wayne-

What does it mean to fear success?

Do you ever feel TOO high sober, like things are too good and you can't handle it?

It makes sense, but sometimes we over analyze things. I can think of at least 5 reasons why I drank.....maybe more. At a given time, they were all valid. In the end, it just became a way of life and it was something I was used to doing......a habit. A security blanket.

Life will have ups and downs no matter what. In the end, we drink because we want to drink.....we drink for success, failure, to celebrate, tand to drown sorrows, or alleviate boredom...and more. Any old reason will do when you are in the midst of it. It takes awhile for the fog to clear, but be patient and give it time.

Peaks and valleys hopefully not to high or to Lo......for me much different today," most of the Time"

Maybe it's not about success or failure at all. Maybe it is about pace. Have you ever tried sprinting down a steep hill? Scary, yes? Maybe I drink to stop everything.

Isn't this necessary self-examination? This is enormous to me if I figure out why. You have to know your enemy to fight your enemy, no?

It's okay to self examine, but you won't get all the answers at once. It sometimes takes awhile to figure it all out. I look at things very differently than I did 2 years ago.....and I'm just realizing that now!

I read somwhere that most people that drink are doing it to counteract some type of anxiety, wether conscious or not.. anxiety can be stemmed from from all the above of emotions that were discussed here.. all the fears.. very interesting really!!

This post proves to me that I cannot admit I am powerless over alcohol. I believe I cannot drink for who I become when I drink. I believe I cannot stop myself once I start. I do NOT believe that I am incapable of making the choice to not drink each day. I may be unwilling, but I am not incapable. It's only a matter of solving the mystery, piecing together the puzzle I have ignored my whole life thus far. Call me what you will, I do not believe I drink to satisfy a physical need.

I guess I meant all that are abusing alcohol or have an addiction.. man, I cannot say what I mean.. I believe getting to the core beliefs and neg. thoughts that trap us and re wiring our thought patterns , replacing the neg. with positive... is a start..