Put a soda or a glass of water in your hand and answer, I have a drink, right here! You need not say nothing else....period. It's nobody's business but yours unless you choose to tell them you quit drinking.

I wouldn't be looking for support from drinking buddies. They usually end up being triggers and not helpful by any sense of the imagination. The first thing I had to do when I left out patient treatment was get rid of all my former drinking buddies. I made lots of new sober friends in AA and hung out with them instead.

Hope this helps.

God Bless

You don’t need owe them an explanation. Just don’t drink.

Hello Ginger831,

Some years ago now, my drinking had progressed to the point where my whole life was dictated by the need for alcohol. I dressed it up as other things in order to justify it to myself and to other people but the truth was that those other activities were just a cover for drinking. When I stopped drinking, I made a complete break with many of the things that I used to do and people that I used to meet. That seemed like a very drastic and negative thing to do at the time but I knew that I had to put sobriety before everything else – my life depended on it.

Fast forward nine years and life could not be more different. I have real friends as opposed to drinking buddies and am involved in numerous things that I could never have done when I was drinking.

I was very low on self-confidence and self-belief when I had stopped drinking and it was only as a result of going to AA meetings and going through the Twelve Steps with a sponsor that I could throw off the shackles of fear and make use of whatever God-given talents that I had.

If you are serious about sobriety, you will need to change course in your life and make some changes. Most people do not like change as it leads to uncomfortable feelings for a while but change is essential to healthy living, and looking back with hindsight, it can usually be seen that the change that seemed so difficult at the time was actually a very good idea. You used to be the one who brought the wine but now you can be the one who brings the wisdom.

The drunken “fun me” is not who you really are so take a chance on letting the real you shine through. No matter what you do in this life, you will not please everyone so why put yourself under pressure in trying. Believe in yourself and if other people are not happy, that is their problem.

You don’t have to go into complicated explanations about why you are not drinking as it is not anyone’s business but your own. A time will come when it won’t matter to you if people know the truth and you may indeed be able to help some of those people who may now feel threatened by your sobriety as it shines the spotlight on their own drinking.

There is a saying that is sometimes heard at AA that says: “If you sit for long enough in the barber-shop, you will get a haircut”. If you keep bringing the wine, you may come to regret it.

trust me ginger that is my life ! wine with seafood dinners , wine at family functions , and anything with cheese , here comes the wine , and don't mention the girls night out ! But my excuse is im on a medication and ill drink sparkling water with lime...that works for me for now , my next excuse is im detoxing from all the meds i had to take . There will always be a reason! i am not going to die from alcohol! point blank , period! Because not being sober can cause your life , if not in a freak accident , the eventual circumstances are liver and kidney disease...decide to not die , and you will think of something

Thanks for the input all! I'm not so much concerned with "drinking buddies"... those I can let go easily. But drinking is such a social thing in so many facets of my life. And that's fine for people who can have a glass of wine and call it a day. My friends and family aren't the issue - it's ME. So I realize I am just going to have to be strong when the circumstances arise... and hopefully, with time, the new ME, with sparkling water, will be the new normal for everyone.

I walked around with a glass of sparking juice for the longest time. It was my pacifier for that feeling that I was incomplete without alcohol on social occasion. Eventually I learned to be comfortable with myself..
The new me is not a goody two shoes. I learned to have fun, without the need for booze to relax me. It was a matter of me following the path that called me. I could not pick and choose paths. Trying to be something that I am not would only lead to unhappiness. and possible relapse in my drinking, I have done some wild things sober and I don't regret any of it. I joined group of performance artist. We body painted each other and performed wearing only body pain. I also
joined a nudists club. I don't tell anyone to do what I do. I am following my path and I am happy. There were things that I had to change, with the new me.. I learned to face my problems rather than avoid them with alcohol. I stopped grasping for the past, I learned to let go and live in the now. I learned that the only one that I can change is me. You don't have to do what I did. It is my path, not yours.
Today I go to events where there is drinking. I have fun, without the booze. I love to dance, and I don't need the booze, to relax me,to give me the courage, to go on the dance floor. I travel the world. Last year I went to Tibet, Nepal and Bhutan. I climbed from 7,000 ft to 10,000 feet to reach the Tigers Nest Monastery in Bhutan. It was a rush. We meditated at 15,000 ft on Mount Kailash in Tibet. How to I find that group that I went with. Simple I followed my path.

That is amazing!! Thank you for sharing! One of the many things that I am excited about is that being sober means I can do anything! I can travel, have a social life, etc without worry that I won't be able to enjoy it because drinking will ruin it. It's been holding me back for so long, not making things more fun!

I found that when I stopped drinking I was mad sad and anxious. I was pissed I couldn’t drink like others. So I would drink again, and again. Like a scheduled train wreck. This time I decided to go and get help. See I never ever asked for any help. I was fiercely independent. That was partly why I liked alcohol sooooo much. It made the issues of life go away. Only thing was booze was a lie. It was a rouse. Life was still there when I sobered up. And I needed more to hide from myself. I finally found a group of other alcoholics and I deal with the underlying reasons why I needed to booze. My last drink was June 9 2012. I am so happy I found the help I didn’t think I needed , but I was sick and booze is a toxin that has a pickling effect. I would be dead if I didn’t quit, and I’m only 44

Quitting is great, but staying quit is the real miracle.

1is2many

Yes, I went through the same dilemma when I stopped drinking and realized that almost my entire social existence involved alcohol, especially on the weekends, dining, parties, benefits, etc. I even had a 64 bottle wine fridge built into my kitchen for entertaining. Fast forward five months and I have totally restructured my social activities, which still include dining out with friends and going to concerts, but also includes more me time, such as working out, meditation, reading, and Refuge Recovery or AA meetings. Instead of wine, my little fridge now holds a variety of sparkling water. You can do this, just be creative, patient, and committed. Wishing you the best!

A friend of mine who is also an alcoholic is trying to quit and we are supporting each other. Me, her and an ex friend used to get very drunk together all the time (I stopped being friends with her as I was no longer prepared to put up with her behaviour) and she only cares about the bottle. This was proven the other night when she told my friend, who has been doing well, that she doesn't think she can quit and tried to get her to drink.

Unfortunately, drinking buddies tend to be like that. They don't want to be forced to look at their own drinking so they try to destroy the sobriety of others. True friends do not do this. As hard as it may be, be honest with your close friends and family and those that can't be supportive can wave goodbye to you. Obviously you can't tell everyone in your life as there can be repercussions with work/school/etc but having those close to you know about what you're trying to do might well help you.

I also did most of my abnormal drinking by myself and most people have no clue. There are a few close friends I shared with that I was a recovering alcoholic, but at holiday parties I bring what I am going to drink and use the glasses that they have if I can. I find having a solo cup or wine glass stops the offers for drinks. If someone asks I simply say no thanks and if they ask repeatedly I just say I don’t drink anymore. Someone last year at a party asked me why and I simply said it wasn’t worth it anymore.