You can get it! YOU need to break the pattern in your family. ALOT of families are like this... Your family is not special or abnormal. It is a disease that hasn't been arrested in your family. PROVE to you father and his father that YOU will make this a new family solution. We have so much strength in us. Get angry with this disease. FIGHT IT.

Get Serious about the solution and SEE how it works.

Be Honest that you're giving up!

CHANGE your mindset and follow what you are told even if you don't like it. If you want to change you can.

When I finally surrendered to the fact that I was born with an alcoholic mind, and my brain was out to destroy me, only then do I have a daily chance at beating this thing.
We are all just one fucked up thought away from that drink.
We have a super tricky thinker that won't stop until your are dead or locked up. It will smile at ya when it is done with it's job, believe that.

How 'bout your family? You told your mother about your problem. Have you reached out, or are you hiding it from her?

The best I can figure Anna is that it is assumed that one of the reasons we drink/drank is/was because of long-held resentments that kept us in a constant state of agitation.

I was an alcoholic from my first drink at age 15 but I was an outgoing, happy kid. I was on fire for Christ and enjoyed laughter, didn't have temper flares or harbor grudges.

I should have gone to AA at that age I suppose, but the resentments or amends part of the program wouldn't have applied to me then I don't think. I'm not so sure a 12-step program always is a fit for all people of all ages and situations or temperaments.

But what was Bill and company gonna do? They had to come up with something...... I sure have my share of resentments now and more amends to make.

One thing this drunk has to remember - only I can declare myself an alcoholic. Brutal honesty. I pick up a bottle and I'm a worthless drunk.

Drinking is a tool for coping with life. Something bad happened - I drank at it, Something good happened - I drank at it. When nothing was happening, I could take out all the slights and harms others did to me and review them - and drank at them. Hell, so I didn't have to think about the things I did - I drank till I passed out.
That was my answer. To stop drinking at things, I had to get rid of the things I drank at (/duh). AA did that for me.
It can do it for you too. Don't question, just do. It's said that AA is a simple program for complicated people...
Hugs,
Dennis

I drank because I wanted to drink. Plain and simple. Wasn't resentments. Anger. It was that I like the effect WHILE I was drinking. It's the after effects that kicked my ass.

Right now, I only have 26 days back. Regardless of my years of sobriety in the past, I am a beginner and acting as such.

I ran into a woman at a meeting who I've known for probably 25 years. I said "Patti, you look great, when did you relapse, come back, etc." And she said she relapsed in the fall and came back in January.

I told her how it took me many years to walk back in the rooms. And she said, "Chris, I do it all the time. I just keep coming back."

Now... this has been going on for 25 years. Good for her that she can keep coming back. I don't know if I have another recovery in me. As Nemo said in a post (re-post really)last night (which was right on the money for me), I want PERMANENT sobriety. And to achieve that I have to be vigilant a day a time and not pick up that drink NO MATTER WHAT. They say here, get to a meeting even if your ass falls off. Just pick it up and take it with you.

I feel your pain HTL. Believe me, I do. I was there. Staying sober for short periods of time, startng to feel good, only to obsess over that drink and stop at the nearest liquor store. I'm done. I HOPE!

Meetings, sponsorship, and admitting I'm powerless over this disease is key for me.

Prayers and hugs for you.
Chris