Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
...whether or not you are an alcoholic?
A lot of new comers seem uncertain. When I was at that stage, I thought I sought inebriation for the sake of escape. I thought that my drinking was ONLY a solution to underlying emotional pain. I thought I could stop if I really wanted to.
I did NOT see my worst binges as EVIDENCE of my alcoholism. I did NOT see my behavior WHEN I drank as EVIDENCE of my alcoholism.
What I had to recognize was the mental obsession and physical craving, partly my BEHAVIORS that led up to my first drink, but also the uncontrollable need to continue drinking after starting.
I saw:
1. myself, a child, wanting seconds of dry red wine while my sibs ate dessert.
2. myself at 12 having anxiety over whether there was going to be enough wine for my next glass
3. myself drinking almost undrinkable but very valuable vintage whiskey ALONE at 15 in my bedroom.
4. my possessiveness over my supply when others gave away their last drink.
5. my insanity in breaking my nose and waiting 3 days to go to the doctor so I could START and finish my weekend binge.
6. how I felt when I went to bed HALF way "there".
Just some examples. I had to do this exercise in IOP and share what helped me realize my alcoholism.
Hope it helps someone else.
A lot of new comers seem uncertain. When I was at that stage, I thought I sought inebriation for the sake of escape. I thought that my drinking was ONLY a solution to underlying emotional pain. I thought I could stop if I really wanted to.
I did NOT see my worst binges as EVIDENCE of my alcoholism. I did NOT see my behavior WHEN I drank as EVIDENCE of my alcoholism.
What I had to recognize was the mental obsession and physical craving, partly my BEHAVIORS that led up to my first drink, but also the uncontrollable need to continue drinking after starting.
I saw:
1. myself, a child, wanting seconds of dry red wine while my sibs ate dessert.
2. myself at 12 having anxiety over whether there was going to be enough wine for my next glass
3. myself drinking almost undrinkable but very valuable vintage whiskey ALONE at 15 in my bedroom.
4. my possessiveness over my supply when others gave away their last drink.
5. my insanity in breaking my nose and waiting 3 days to go to the doctor so I could START and finish my weekend binge.
6. how I felt when I went to bed HALF way "there".
Just some examples. I had to do this exercise in IOP and share what helped me realize my alcoholism.
Hope it helps someone else.
This was me as well Anna...no doubt about it. I didn't recognize all of that until I started working the steps with my sponsor. That's when I started to understand.......and accept.
It wasn't until I started going through my situation firstly in treatment and then with a sponsor that i started to see what things were really like and see how things were no where near normal and hadnt really ever been where alcohol was concerned.
I kept questioning my alcoholism for quite a while. I was trying to measure it based on consequences of drinking and because those can be different for everyone it didnt really work very well. I would hear someone share something that had happened to me and think oh i must be an alcoholic then. But then I would also hear people share things that werent relevant to me and think that hasnt happened or I'm not like that so I can't be an alcoholic.
It wasnt until someone helped me to see alcoholism in terms of the internal condition, craving, mental obsession, spiritual malady that I started to be able to see that what the results had been didnt matter. I had those elements of alcoholism and that was what was important. Then the delusion that I could control my drinking started to be eroded away.
I also found it very difficult to admit that something wasnt within my control. That is a huge dent in the ego and very frightening. I didnt have the courage to admit complete defeat until I had the hope from the people around me that there really was a way to get well and that admitting defeat wasnt giving in to alcoholism but the only way to get out of it.
Great post.
For me... I never really tried to CONTROL my drinking. I did try to STOP but when I chose to drink anyway, I always wanted to get completely F'd. "Control" was never attractive to me. I knew what it felt like to go to bed with "not enough" and I never wanted to feel that ever.
I forgot about trying to compare myself to others and because I hadn't lost anything I wasn't "as bad". That is one of the big reasons I had to look back at my patterns and how I felt.