I view a resentment (as it's meant in A.A. jargon/terms/lingo) as a lingering grudge. You know you've let it go when you feel comfortable being around the person you had the resentment against.

When you are upset, angry or irritated about something someone or something (institution), or principle has done to you, and you can't let it go, you probably have a resentment.

You've let it go when you can think about it and it doesn't bother you any more.

Okay, so what if there are some disturbing things from my past that I don't think are resentments any longer. Am I lying to myself? Is anyone, AA affiliated or not, able to tell me that I'm not being honest about it?

I see a resentment as a recycling of old anger and bad feelings - a "sentiment" (feeling) being repeated each time it occurs to the mind.

For me, I know if that resentment has been dealt with by the way I feel when that memory is revisited after I have prayed and used the Steps to deal with it.

If I hang on to it, that is self will and I have once more given myself permission to feel and wallow the pain/anger of self pity.

Hi dgh. Sometimes there's justified anger. I had that. 'All would be revealed' certainly took on another meaning when this event came up for me years after I'd completed the 12 steps and been in AA. It raised anger and emotions that were not going to subside until i sought professional help. I needed to relive this part of my past, talk about it, so it would become just a memory that could no longer harm me. It wasn't easy, and it took courage yes. I knew I had to face this, the 12 steps had given me a foundation to recognise when something wasn't right, and to take action to do something about it. if I didn't seek help, it had the potential to consume me. I'm so glad I did make the effort, the counselling has led to acceptance, and forgiveness, and a lot more peace today. CM xxx

CM makes a great point there - if it is something really big, seek counselling or the direction of the medical professionals, whatever is appropriate.

AA is not the be all and end all for really serious stuff.

It's not so much whether you think they are resentments or not, do they feel like a resentment? Is there a feeling attached to those past experiences that resemble anger, frustration, irritation, selfpity?

If you can think back on experiences and they don't affect you (have a negative feeling associated with them) that should tell you something about the experience.

So if we can look back and not feel the resentment any longer then they are no longer a resentment. And they don't belong on our list of resentments/amends then, right?

In my exp the 4th step is where i began to see the destructivness of resentments. A resentment is a spiritual malady that can only be removed by God. Time does not heal all wounds niether does counceling. I know this from my own exp cause i had counseling from stuff that happened as a child that still affected me when i came to aa at 38. When I got to the 4th step my sponsors directions from the bb were this In column one put down any person, place or principle I was angry at for atleast 24 hrs starting from right now and going back as far as I can remember. In column 2 the cause i was to list in the least amount of words possible what happened and list up to 3 events if needed. In columns 3 using just the terms from column 3 in the bb to describe how these causes affected me.
Now once that is all done then I was to read the bottom of page 66 to top paragragh page 67 and say the prayer from that paragragh. the prayer is " we ask god to help us hsow them the same tollerance , pitty and paitents we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. That prayer in my exp begins to allow me to see yes they like me were possibly spiritualy sick and then it allows me to go to the next part of step 4 that allows me to see what part i played in therelationship with that person was i ever selfish, dishonest, self seeking or frightened ever in that realtionship. if use just those terms . thats where for me a wieght was lifted off of me I was no longer a victim any more but fro most parts I either started the ball rollin or made matters worse from what I had done. This in my exp really did work to have the resentment removed better than any councelor ever could. especailly when I had to make ammends for my part.

Reliving the past.
Once this was explained I was literally able to change my past. I believe as I know others here do as well that this burden that is carried is unnecessary. Many have also said that "the past is what made me who I am". The question is if bitterness, mistrust and resentment keep one in misery why would they want to stay that way.

The answer though simple is hard to put in motion. The same thing that made us addicts is the same thing that keeps us miserable. Through repetition of reaction to an emotion our behaviors and attitudes became a habit.

The key to changing the past is understanding that what is done is done and nothing can change what is done. The only thing ANYONE can do is recognize the thinking that goes with those feelings and look for a positive alternative. Understand that the feeling, though it seems real in the moment, is very probably not valid. It IS the projection of a past instance placed on the face of a similar moment.

Ask yourself "what can I learn from that experience so I can avoid it happening again. Only through thought and action not emotional reaction can we EVER understand the term "LET IT GO".

Steps 4-7 bring us to the realization of the above. God will help us to remove or reverse these things.

A resentment to me is when I think "GRRRRRRR!!!!" whenever I think of someone or situation.

Letting it go is when I no longer think "GRRRRRRR!!!" and instead think "aw...bless her heart" and no longer want to strangle them....

In most cases, I would only consider those experiences where I continue to feel the resentment . There is no harm in adding experiences where you are not sure about your feelings, but at one time you certainly felt anger and resentment.

In each situation that has caused you anger throughout life, you reacted with anger because a part of you was affected. That part that was affected back then likely still exists and continues to be affected today. Discovering that part may require that you look back at angry incidents from the past even though some of the feelings from the incident are not immediately accessible.

It's always nice to put things to rest and if there was an incident in your life that caused grief at one time and was not properly resolved, now would be an appropriate time to do it.