Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I hear you all loud and clear and I know that I need to get help for my drinking from people with experience. Also, that I have made the first step by recognizing that.
But what if the people I have dealt with are truly evil and enjoyed making me suffer?
It would be easier to blame myself and quit drinking. However, it is really hard for me to blame myself when I know that is not true. Besides all the trauma that I have experienced has been when I was sober... so how could I do the twelve steps if I haven't hurt anyone? I read the twelve steps and is that normally what motivates people to quit drinking -- harming other people?
The twelve steps should say that we forgive the people that harmed us...in my opinion. (Although what the people have done to me is unforgivable and I stay far away from them).
I honestly do not have that many shortcomings either -- other than when someone hurts me and there is nothing I can do about it I drink...and now it has become a way of life and homeostasis for my brain and body : (
Does this make sense and did anyone else have this problem? Can one just do some of the steps or alter parts of the steps? I really just need to be locked up and kept away from alcohol for a month or so!
But what if the people I have dealt with are truly evil and enjoyed making me suffer?
It would be easier to blame myself and quit drinking. However, it is really hard for me to blame myself when I know that is not true. Besides all the trauma that I have experienced has been when I was sober... so how could I do the twelve steps if I haven't hurt anyone? I read the twelve steps and is that normally what motivates people to quit drinking -- harming other people?
The twelve steps should say that we forgive the people that harmed us...in my opinion. (Although what the people have done to me is unforgivable and I stay far away from them).
I honestly do not have that many shortcomings either -- other than when someone hurts me and there is nothing I can do about it I drink...and now it has become a way of life and homeostasis for my brain and body : (
Does this make sense and did anyone else have this problem? Can one just do some of the steps or alter parts of the steps? I really just need to be locked up and kept away from alcohol for a month or so!
For me, I had spent my whole life trying to figure it all out, do my homework and decide what I was going to try next. When all the options were burnt out, it was time to take a different approach - action! Sure beats trying to read between the lines or guess the future.
We never stop first to consider how we might be contributing to this difficult life we have to live, and we're often unwilling to accept that drink is no longer the answer.
Until the drink fascination is broken, we keep trying to fix the wrong half of the equation. It looks easier.
Holding onto hate is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; YOU are the one who gets burned :)
I used to get so upset with just about everyone in my life. If they could just do this, or that, or whatever.
If everyone else around you has a problem, isnt that your problem?
So given you can't change anyone else, ever, then what can we change? We can change our reactions to them.
Personally I found once I got through the 12 steps, and began living in them to the best of my ability every day.....everyone got a whole hell of alott nicer:-) And those who didnt? I grew a spine and removed myself from them whenever possible. Which was/ is most the time.
After going to a few meetings, I just asked a random lady to be my sponser (most choose to look around a bit) but she really helped me to understand the program, and I am still learning. But I can relate a lot to how you feel and I think you will get a lot more ansawers if you were able to talk to someone one on one and have them really break down the steps for you, one at a time. Its really an awesome experience. A chance to learn and to grow :)
I am going to go to Alanon - I didn't realize the 12 Step program is offered in that group, too. To be honest, I wish I could go to Rehab for nondrinkers who have been with an alcoholic. The damage done is deep inside - I have been struggling since last July when I decided enough is enough.
You have one life - it can be a marvelous adventure. Get sober and start celebrating each day.
What you wrote would have made a lot of sense to me a few years ago. I was totally confused about why I drank the way that I did and was certain that there was no way of overcoming the problem. Even after going to AA meetings for quite a while the muddled thinking continued and listening to a variety of drinking stories at meetings did not leave me any more enlightened. The worst part was that even though I was doing my best and often thought that I had the answers, I was still fumbling about in the dark and really knew nothing at all.
It was only by getting a sponsor who knew the programme inside out that I started to learn. The steps are a way of getting in touch with your inner spirit so that you will learn to react in a different way, no matter what life throws your way. The first part of the process is to recognise that the way you have been doing it up until now has not worked and being willing to try something new. Even that first step which seems so very simple when you read it has so much more meaning when it is explained by a sponsor as it appears in the Big Book.
The danger of picking out bits and pieces from different steps as opposed to doing it all in sequence is that you can get totally confused. For instance, it is not about blaming yourself, or indeed about blaming anyone. Instead, what is involved is gaining an understanding of what causes resentment, anger, fear etc. and finding a way to eliminate these things from your life. Reacting in the wrong way to people, places and things often cause us to use alcohol in an attempt to escape from the reality of life. What the steps will do is to enable you to recognise what is happening and to react differently.
People may have done unforgivable things to you and they have hurt you badly. By holding on to your feelings about those people you are now hurting yourself, over and over. Even if you were to wake up every day hating those people and wishing that they would be made to pay for what they did, you would not be making them suffer in any way. The only person who would be suffering is you because you would be hurting yourself every time that you played the tape in your head. That is why it is important to learn to forgive such people, difficult as that may be it is done, not to let them off the hook but for YOUR peace of mind.
When I first read the steps in the Big Book I could see immediately that there were a lot of things there that I could improve, such was my state of ignorance. Since then I have read them many times and have often watched the Joe McQuany Big Book Chalk Talk DVDs and I am now convinced that there is not one careless or wrong sentence written in that book. It had to be written that way because at that time there was no internet or such things and some drunk sitting in some far-flung place was depending completely on what was written in the book.
The Steps and the Big Book provide an instruction manual on how to get sober and live a good and happy life without alcohol. It is up to every alcoholic to either accept or reject this path to sobriety. You can bring a horse to water but you cant make him drink.