I heard a story once about a girl on an English course who wrote great, but there just didn't seem to be much soul, much inspiration in what she wrote.

She wrote this sprawling descriptive essay about a building in her town. It was OK but her teacher felt it read like a guide book. The girl asks if maybe there wasn't enough to talk about, it was just a building after all and not a very interesting one at that. She asks if maybe she can go back and write about her home town instead. So he asked her to take it back and write just about one side of the building. OK says the girl, and off she goes.

A week later, just before the deadline she cam back in tears. "I just can't do it", she cried. "There's not enough to talk about - whichever side I pick, I keep thinking about and wanting to write about the other side!".

He was a smart guy this teacher, so he just listened for a while before speaking. "You're missing the point", he said. "I don't want you to tell me about the building, I've seen it before. I want you to see and tell me something NEW - something about you. Try this - go back and look again. Write a piece about just ONE WALL on one side of that building. Really look at it, and see what comes to you".

So off she goes. The teacher doesn't hear from her for a while so assumes everything must be OK. But then, a day before the deadline she comes back again in tears. "What the f***!!", she says in serious distress. "I don't think you were listening to me! You didn't like me essay OK, but then you gave me an impossible job. If I can't write well about a building, how am I going to be able to write well about just one side of it? How in hell can I write about just one wall on one side of the building?". In real distress, the girl is starting to wonder if maybe this teacher is just messing with her head for fun.

The teacher listens again, then tells her "I need you to trust me. Take an extension, go back and try again. I want you to choose a single brick from one of those walls. Really look at it, and tell me what you see". The girl by now is exhausted, frustrated to hell and feeling a little stupid but she doesn't want to argue anymore, so off she goes.

The next day, she goes out early and sits in the town square all day. She stares and stares at this wall and all she can see is a load of bricks, all exactly the same, merging in to each other. Whe watches the sun rising and starting to settle in the middle of the sky. She watches it start to fall. She watches people going by abot their business. She starts to think that maybe she's not so good a writer after all. She starts to think about what else she can do with her life...how is she going to explain to her folks and friends that she just doesn't cut it as a writer? Towards the end of the day, running out of time, she gets up and wanders over to this stupid wall that ruined her life. She looks at it. She wanders around it. She kicks it a few times, choking back a tear or two. She runs her hand over it, feeling the grain. Her hand rests on a single brick and she traces around the mortar that's held it in the same wall for hundreds of years. She brings her nose closer and smells it, resting her forehead against the cool cement for a while. As she steps back, she notices that setting sun glinting off an inperfection in the stone. "Oh", she says. She goes back to where she was sitting, takes her pad and pen back to the wall, finds the same stone, sits down in front of it and starts to write.

Now, I like to go round the houses sometimes :o) but I like this story. Reminds me sometimes when I'm looking out for more - more meaning, more inspiration, more whatever - maybe what I really need to do is focus in a little. Look at the detail and make sure I'm not missing something. Feel my body and mood, make sure the block isn't coming from me. And listen to others, realise maybe they're not so stupid, they have a little to teach me after all :o)

I attend AA regularly and do many things outside those meetings to learn and grow every day. But sometimes I get so much more from looking at less - stay in this day, study this moment, this single breath...really look at it. Less is more, they say hehe

Just a longwinded suggestion

P

Hello hopeinjoy,

You are right in considering all options and anything that helps is worth looking at. However, you can waste a lot of time, as I once did looking for answers in all sorts of places while the solution is right there in front of you.

It is my guess that you have not yet found a person who can take you through those Steps and explain them properly to you. While some can successfully battle addiction on their own, experience has shown that this approach does not work for many, perhaps the vast majority, particularly where alcoholism is concerned. The irony of coming to depend on getting help from some other source is that it leads to independence and freedom. The programme to which you refer is precisely about learning to replace old ways of coping with new ones and this was and is really what AA is all about. People have lost sight of this to some extent and they figure that all you need to do is: Keep coming back and while it is certainly advisable to keep coming back, the real answer is to be found in learning how to practice the principles outlined in the Twelve Steps.

Take a look at the video at the following link and it may give you a hint about the best path to follow:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiHpJRqzsQg

(You may have to copy and paste the link to your browser).

Sounds like your trying to get advice on how to stay sober without a program or meetings.

Good luck

An addict alone is in bad company!

The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is not just about not drinking. More importantly, the Big Book gives us a set of directions to live by. If we precisely foillow those clear-cut directions, drinking will no longer be a choice and life will be good. Otherwise, the thing to do is to keep drinking until we have the complete willingness. Alcohol is the great persuader. Nothing else will do it for a chronic alcoholic.

I read this today maybe it will help

"As I observe the changes this effort brings to my outside circumstances i will find the courage to keep changing myself for the better"

I am trying to work the program too. I find myself unsatisfied..but then I notice the little things..literally..doing the dishes...making dinner..ashing in an ash tray..and i acknowledge them for a second and say good job to myself.

try to acknowledge what every tiny thing youre doing things that improve your outside environment..it may provide you with tons of little not so bad moments that get you through the day.

I did not attend AA. I went to an AA meeting once with a friend over 15 years ago. When I chose to quit drinking for good, I did however go see a counslor once a week for a little over 6 months. I also came to this website daily. And still do. Reading other peoples stories and getting advice from here is helpful. Do whatever works for you.

Welcome. I have no advice on battling addiction on "my own" as on my own I failed. Both in terms of an eating disorder and alcoholism.
Battling is also exhausting. I found success in surrender. I still do.

I tried it my way with both and it was like ground hog day except I got progressively (though slowly) worse and worse.
I found this board, and the people here directed me to AA. I've relied on God, AA, prayer, meditation, reading about others in their addiction and these boards to help me not only not drink a day at a time, but really and truly enjoy my life.

Everything is part of the program. It is a way of living life not something separate from it. There are hundreds of things you can do to enhance your life but they are all part of the program if you apply it properly. I very rarely think about working the program these days, it is just part of me and the way i live. Despite the fact that I dont think of it I have not done a single thing in the last few years that wasn't me living the program.

I have found therapy essentiall. I have found that having interests is important. I have found that relationships and how I deal with them makes a big difference. I have found that spiritual exploring makes a big difference. But for me everything I have done only worked because I was doing it in the context of the 12 step program and the spiritual awakening. It is not the same for everyone but I have found that is the only way for me to maintain sobriety and to also have any quality of life.

Most people on this site will tell you there is no other way. Look it up on line. Go to smartrecovery,or sos meetings. All you need to do my friend is STAY SOBER. You don't need any other crap than that. AA has a lot of knowledge and support for you to glene if you want to. But they actually know very little about alcoholism scientific research. Stuck in the past with a religious agenda. Use them for support. They are the most and sometimes the only game in town. But don't believe everything you hear. Just quit drinking and move on with your life.

Addiction is a real killer but just as many addicts today recover in other ways, without switching addiction to the aa program, "way of life." I liked my life. I just needed to quit drinking. I did and guess what? I am free to be me. Don't have anything in common with people in AA besides our alcoholism.