Hello R654! Welcome to the group!

I have never seen an alcoholic who was able to drink responsibly. They either died from their disease, like my parents did, or got help through AA or in or outpatient treatment.

Addiction is a symptom of deeper emotional issues which is why it is listed as a mental health disorder. Self medicating anxiety with alcohol is committing a slow suicide with the bottle. IMHO He needs to see his doctor about that who will either prescribe medication and/or refer him to counseling.

From what you wrote, he is not motivated enough to get help, so you have to ask yourself if you want to continue living with someone who will slowly wither away from the ravages of alcoholism, when he has the key to change his life for the better but refuses to use that key!

If he is serious about staying sober for the long term, he needs to begin attending AA meetings on a regular basis so he can get a sponsor so he can be held accountable... My own sponsor was my saving grace who carefully guided me through those first few months when my newfound sobriety was still in a fragile state.

Here I am...11 years later, and I have a great life, so long term sobriety is possible. You just have to want it bad enough so that you are willing to do everything it takes to stay sober.

We will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted because we get alot of posts like yours and many people can identify.. Keep in touch.

God Bless

He has to hit rock bottom.

He has to learn that there is no way back to alcohol for an alcoholic.

He has to want a life without alcohol. There are people who boast about drinking on Antabuse. It’s not a long term solution.

As long as his desire to drink normally is there, he is dangerous - not necessarily in a physical way, but he will be a ticking time bomb.

I’d be very skeptical of moving forward in anything with him until he gets help.

My anxiety is barely noticeable since I embraced a sober life. Turns out it was the behavior of running away from reality that caused it in the first place. Jeff’s right, he has a lot of work to do before he can become a healthy person. We know the trials ahead. He has to WANT it.

Sounds like me 20 years ago... My suggestion, find somebody else because sounds like he is going to break your heart and be a selfish alcoholic that causes pain and suffering.

The only way is for him to decide he wants to get sober. And honestly the odds are not good. Please consider leaving. ( somehow u leaving might be what he needs to decide to get sober

I am new to the group. I left my alcoholic / substance abusive husband a few years ago. He has only become worse - but I haven't stopped loving him. Hence, my new join to this site. I am trying to figure out how to stay away. I always seem to miss him and have an idealistic view of "how things could be different if.....". I've decided, I am probably as sick as he is. Good luck and I hope you find the support you need also.

Your husband doesn’t drink because he thinks he can control it. He knows better. If he’s an alcoholic, he’s lost the power of choice. When I became desperate to stop, I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. That was almost 27 years ago. Don’t worry about helping him. Help yourself. Check out Al-Anon. Godspeed.

I agree that self-care and preservation should be your priorities right now. As heart-wrenching and difficult as it will be, you need to make a clean break. Trying to stay in the situation and hoping the person will change is like banging your head against a brick wall. Your boyfriend is trying to fight a never-winning battle trying to control his drinking. I know first-hand that alcohol and anxiety are a bad combination. While the booze will temporarily ease the anxiety, it has a terrible boomerang effect and makes the anxiety 1000x worse and it builds over time. Then you get into a vicious cycle as the anxiety worsens and your physical dependency grows stronger.. We could discuss the whys and what-if of why your boyfriend is continuing to torture himself, and the probabilities of him getting and staying sober (slim to none right now), but that's not the main issue. Please get some help and remove yourself from this unhealthy situation. You can't "fix" him. I agree with gr8ful2be. Try Al-Anon. Good luck!

Run! I didnt... now I'm married to an alcoholic. And my only escape is to hide in my bedroom.
What I didn't think was a problem slowly became a huge problem and is now changing me and my whole being.
All we do is fight and have terrible resentment towards him.