Hi Scurrie. How were you staying sober?

Not sure. I relapse slow at first and then get out of control and drink like crazy. I know I don't want to drink but it has a hold on me.

If you don't want to talk about yourself, I will tell you about how I finally managed to stay sober. I did it through the 12 Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Others may suggest what worked for them.

I had to change friends, patterns and behaviors. Sticking to old routines and still hanging onto that thought of "I might be able to drink normally again"....always led to relapse. Always. Change it up. Create a new world for yourself and find others in your same boat who can support/understand you and if they aren't in your same boat at least make sure they support your decision to be sober.

Get back on the horse...you can do this. AA has worked for me as well.

You sound just like me.

I will go on a 3-7 day dry spell, the longer dry I am the slower I will get back into drinking thinking I can control it. Then, before I know it I am back to 4-7 days a week drinking my ass off.

I think it comes down to doing a whole lot of what you don't want to do, Doing things that are going to make you crawl outta your own skin in fear and aniexty, but sticking with it and trusting someone you respect and admire than has been there, been what you are going through.

This doing it yourself is for the birds. I mean, there are those that do it theirself, but if you have tried and fail repeatedly, it's time to try something else. Trust me on this one. I have been banging my head against a brickwall for a long time.

I'm quiting now cause I don't want it to come down to 1-10 years down the road when it's too late. It's never really too late, but sooner is better for me.

Wish you well my friend, good luck in your journey

Hello scurrie,

If you are an alcoholic and rely on your own willpower to stay sober you will continue to relapse. There are some rare individuals who can do it on their own but it is dangerous for most alcoholics to believe that they dont need help. I pushed willpower and self-knowledge to the limit and if there was any chance at all that I could have done it on my own I would never have gone to an AA meeting.

Dont confuse heavy drinkers with alcoholics as there is a crucial difference. A heavy drinker may not have developed a mental obsession for alcohol or more importantly, a physical craving. These people can control their drinking or quit completely using nothing but willpower. The alcoholic has crossed a line and has developed a physical craving and once that point is reached, he or she can never go back to normal drinking. There is then a decision to be made: Do I continue to drink until all is lost, ending with death or insanity or do I admit defeat and quit drinking?

If I choose to quit, there must be a clear understanding that I can never again use alcohol safely. That is because once the first drink is taken the physical craving for more develops immediately and no amount of alcohol will then be enough. It is not the sixth or the tenth drink that does the damage to the alcoholic but that very first one. The craving can never develop if the first drink is avoided.

What then must I do in order to avoid lifting that first drink? This is where the problem starts and where something happens that leads people to relapse. The problem is that the alcoholic has a mental obsession for alcohol that becomes so strong that no amount of willpower can resist it. Therefore, we are powerless over alcohol. Knowing this leads us to a solution that works and one that will enable you to put relapses firmly in the past. If we are powerless over something, the obvious answer is to find some power. This is where people go their different ways but can still arrive at the same destination. There are different paths to get you there but the objective is to achieve some sort of change in your way of thinking.

Three years and four days ago I was in a pretty hopeless situation. I could not survive for a few hours without alcohol and I could no longer drink because of what it was doing to me. I knew that if I kept drinking for even a few more months that I was going to experience some pretty awful consequences. There was no light to be seen at the end of the tunnel and there was no glimmer of hope. That was when I came to the conclusion that knowledge and willpower were not worth a shit to me. That was when I knew that I had to seek help or die.

The path that I choose (against my will and my beliefs) was to go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, without any great conviction that AA would do anything for me. For the first time ever I discovered that I could take action that would enable me to recover from alcoholism. That was three years and four days ago and thanks to a Higher Power and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have not felt the urge to drink since then, up until now at least. However, I do not consider myself to be sober for three years - I am sober for today and when tomorrow comes I will start off hopefully on another sober day.

Over the past three years I have had a fascination with watching people come and go in AA and trying to understand why some get it easily and some others continue to relapse. It has been my experience that those people who get a sponsor and avail of the 12 Step programme continue to stay sober. Others go to many meeting each week, with the best of intentions but that is the sum total of what they do and before long many of them relapse. The reason that they relapse in my opinion is that they have done nothing to change their way of thinking. Some of them may stay sober for long periods of time but then some life crises will throw them off balance and they will drink again.

To answer your question: Does anyone have any ideas of how not to relapse? Well, from what I have seen over the last three years the answer is very simple. By some means or other you must bring about a change in your way of thinking - a personality change sufficient to recover from alcoholism. How you go about doing that is your choice but for me it could not have been done without the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. The ball is in your court.

Here's the deal scruuie - if you keep doing what you did you will keep getting what you got - I think there's a physics law in there somewhere - not sure where however.

Please find the AA Big Book and read Chapter 3. It was the Chapter that convinced me I was not going to beat this disease and drink like normal people ever again. It's the chapter that convinced my deceased husband that he too could not think his way out of the disease - and would not be able to drink like normal people either.

It won't take you long to read and you won't be committed to AA by just reading that chapter - but it might give you some ideas about not relapsing. Good luck.

scurrie,
Welcome to the group !

I have a bunch of ideas ... I was known as one of the most bull -headed, stubborn, ... he's never - gonna - get - it - guy's ... my home
group had seen in some time.

You get some support & encouragement ... you can start here ...

#1) YOU TELL ON YOURSELF BEFORE YOU DRINK.

I spent 4-5 yrs. before I could quit ... now I haven't had a drink or drug for 4+ yrs. and don't miss it ... & feel better than I have in many
years.

#2) TRUST some of us who have stayed around a while ...
IT REALLY IS WORTH IT ... & if I / we can do it, you can do it.

#3) START CHANGING PEOPLE, PLACES & THINGS.

#4) Keep stopping by & posting & let us know how your feeling
& what your doing ... we'd like to see you GET IT.

#5) READ POST's from DIFFERENT PEOPLE TIL YOU FIND
SOMEONE YOU CAN RELATE TO.

#6) If / WHEN you start getting it ... help someone who is in
worse shape than you ... find someone who can't go 24
hrs. & tell them how to go 24 hrs. without using.

Note: Read all the post's the group has posted for Ramblin2 ...
he's generated a lot of ideas lately.

Ramblin ... you sounded pretty good on that last post ...
giving scurrie some ideas will be good for you ... ( just my opinion)
you sound pretty good this evening.

This can be one of the best things you'll ever do for yourself ...
BUT ... it's tough at first ... and if you don't put a pretty good bit
of ' effort ' into it ... it won't work ...
... think about how much time & effort went into USING !

I'm an AA guy also.
I couldn't stand it at first ... then it was O.K. ...
and now ... I really like it.
Wishing you the best,
Jack / j

Thanks for all the comments

Are you in a program? What are you doing to stay sober vs to relapse?