Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I went to a wedding tonight. I was confident I wouldn't drink so I felt fine going. What I was worried about was the immaturity from those around me wondering why I'm all the sudden not drinking or pressuring me to drink. I didn't feel tempted but it was much more uncomfortable than I anticipated. I feel so small and almost with I hadn't gone. Nobody at the wedding knows that I'm in recovery but people starting to get curious, as I hadn't been drinking casually around anyone there for a few months now. I've been sober for near 90 days and feel great, I'm not going back to the life I was living before.
The ceremony was nice and then came the cocktail social hour. Someone wrangled me to the bar and I was going to get a ginger ale, I felt embarrassed ordering in front of him so I went to the bathroom to stall. I came back and ordered my ginger ale and sipped it socializing. The only person to grill me about what I was drinking was drinking straight scotch on the rocks. I lied and told him I got a ginger ale and whiskey. I fooled the rest of the people.
Dinner came around and they asked if I want wine and I said no thanks, the same guy again (halfway in the bag at this point) grilled me about how I didn't take free wine. A couple people were weirded out by this point but it was ok. I ate my dinner and had a good time, I was a little uncomfortable being sober but it wasn't that bad. After dinner they made toasts, this guy was mad I didn't order wine so he could get two glasses so I ordered a champagne to give to him. I toasted but didn't drink it. Then things got weird.
They were passing around a boot of beer to each table and everyone was taking a sip and passing it. The boot came to me and everyone was looking at me, I took the smallest sip of beer I've ever taken, flicked the stupid boot and passed it. I'm upset with myself I didn't just pass it but I figured what the hell now I took a sip people can get off my back. I felt pretty guilty but it didn't make me want to drink, it actually had the opposite effect, it reaffirmed my choice to not drink. I can't honestly consider this a relapse can I? One tiny sip? I could see if I had convinced myself to drink a beer or something but I can't seriously be upset at myself for having one sip, I basically did it to be easier on myself and not have people all over me about what's going on.
The boot got passed around several more times and I passed it and didn't sip it saying I've had enough of the boot, people were drunk by this point. A couple very drunk people got upset when I passed it and I just said no that's disgusting I don't want to get sick. I wasn't even having fun at this point, everyone drinking was unable to even have a normal conversation and were drunkenly cracking jokes and having a ball. I was so far off their wavelength that I just decided to call my ride and go home. The guy who was drinking scotch was pretty wasted and calling me boring to be around and said I'm a downer to be at a wedding with. He started grabbing my tie and being a dick, when I got home I took my tie off and noticed he had ripped the back of it. That was one of my favorite ties.
So I basically went to the wedding to please the bride and groom and I knew I'd get hell if I skipped, the groom is very emotional. But I didn't enjoy myself much after we had dinner. A girl I'm attracted to but work with was there and she was flirting with multiple guys and drinking and I didn't even talk to her. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't feeling very social, I was basically just physically there. Looking back I regret giving into peer pressure and having a sip of beer from the boot but I'm trying to not be hard on myself because it reaffirmed my choice to not drink. I'm really just feeling detached and depressed and lonely because I felt like I wasn't with my kind. Now my kind feels like the people I have deep meaningful conversations with in recovery and AA.
I really just needed to post to have some genuine human interaction because I'm feeling very lonely after tonight.
The ceremony was nice and then came the cocktail social hour. Someone wrangled me to the bar and I was going to get a ginger ale, I felt embarrassed ordering in front of him so I went to the bathroom to stall. I came back and ordered my ginger ale and sipped it socializing. The only person to grill me about what I was drinking was drinking straight scotch on the rocks. I lied and told him I got a ginger ale and whiskey. I fooled the rest of the people.
Dinner came around and they asked if I want wine and I said no thanks, the same guy again (halfway in the bag at this point) grilled me about how I didn't take free wine. A couple people were weirded out by this point but it was ok. I ate my dinner and had a good time, I was a little uncomfortable being sober but it wasn't that bad. After dinner they made toasts, this guy was mad I didn't order wine so he could get two glasses so I ordered a champagne to give to him. I toasted but didn't drink it. Then things got weird.
They were passing around a boot of beer to each table and everyone was taking a sip and passing it. The boot came to me and everyone was looking at me, I took the smallest sip of beer I've ever taken, flicked the stupid boot and passed it. I'm upset with myself I didn't just pass it but I figured what the hell now I took a sip people can get off my back. I felt pretty guilty but it didn't make me want to drink, it actually had the opposite effect, it reaffirmed my choice to not drink. I can't honestly consider this a relapse can I? One tiny sip? I could see if I had convinced myself to drink a beer or something but I can't seriously be upset at myself for having one sip, I basically did it to be easier on myself and not have people all over me about what's going on.
The boot got passed around several more times and I passed it and didn't sip it saying I've had enough of the boot, people were drunk by this point. A couple very drunk people got upset when I passed it and I just said no that's disgusting I don't want to get sick. I wasn't even having fun at this point, everyone drinking was unable to even have a normal conversation and were drunkenly cracking jokes and having a ball. I was so far off their wavelength that I just decided to call my ride and go home. The guy who was drinking scotch was pretty wasted and calling me boring to be around and said I'm a downer to be at a wedding with. He started grabbing my tie and being a dick, when I got home I took my tie off and noticed he had ripped the back of it. That was one of my favorite ties.
So I basically went to the wedding to please the bride and groom and I knew I'd get hell if I skipped, the groom is very emotional. But I didn't enjoy myself much after we had dinner. A girl I'm attracted to but work with was there and she was flirting with multiple guys and drinking and I didn't even talk to her. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't feeling very social, I was basically just physically there. Looking back I regret giving into peer pressure and having a sip of beer from the boot but I'm trying to not be hard on myself because it reaffirmed my choice to not drink. I'm really just feeling detached and depressed and lonely because I felt like I wasn't with my kind. Now my kind feels like the people I have deep meaningful conversations with in recovery and AA.
I really just needed to post to have some genuine human interaction because I'm feeling very lonely after tonight.
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Can you identify these rom-coms from just a screenshot from the middle of the films? This is a multiple choice quiz so even if you're not entirely sure you can always take a guess and at least have a 25% chance of getting it right anyway, so why not have a go?! https://www.buzzfeed.com/alysaurus688/rom-com-screenshot-trivia-quiz
Always have exit strategy to get the hell out of dodge when uncomfortable....hugs bill
While the wedding reception is a celebration of the couple's union, it can be a horror show for alcoholics. Your narrative describes the temptations, but your resolve seems precarious to me. As BuckStag suggests, alcohol consumption is taken for granted in our culture and we are in effect, rebels, but rebels with a cause: our sobriety and quality of life.
Be proud of your sobriety and f**k those who would challenge it. There is no one in the world, whether they are drinking scotch or gasoline who you should intimidate you in this area.
You've made it almost 90 days ColdRoses. A sip is not a relapse, so don't beat yourself up over that. But you might consider coming out of the closet on your addiction and letting close friends know the rebel you've become. If your friends or the girl from work has a problem with that, I'd be looking for new friends.
Stay sober my friend...
I wouldn't worry about a sip of beer blowing your sobriety. But learn from this experience.
Be confident with your decision not to drink. Remember, you don't owe an explanation to anyone, especially obnoxious, drunk assholes already deep in their cups. Heck, even if you gave an explanation, they probably won't remember it the next morning.
I remember early on in my recovery that I was at a friends house and we were all at a bar in the basement. I had my Coke in a coozie. The dad of the guys bday slips up and set his beer right next to mine. I took a sip. It was that fast. I was mad and that "sweaty" feeling hit and I was repulsed. I went and told my wife and got over it. I didn't have a desire to drink. I didn't reset my sober date.
Two the first wedding is always rough. There is some jealousy but the deal is I can't stop and most other people will wake up today and not drink another. If I drank last night I would HAVE to drink today.
Be proud you did well. Fk the boot that's what I say
1is2many
I used to hear this is not a dress rehearsal this is the show Act wisely!!! I got sober pretty Young lots of time to Practice:)))
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bossv8SKXv4
I can relate. I went to my nieces wedding back in July. I wasn't worried about how others might perceive me, mainly, because I did not know many people in attendance. There were family there who I hadn't seen in years who felt like strangers to me.
I remember going to the bar at the reception and asking for a coke. I told the bartender, I was driving (which was a lie. I was taken to the reception by bus, from my hotel) The only regret I have is in lying. In retrospect, It is really nobody's business what I choose to drink. If they have a problem with what I choose to drink, it's really not my concern.
I had been sober for 4 years when I had my first slip. It was 2 beers, I think. I was going through a divorce. This was the excuse I used to drink. It occured to me that this was just another excuse and things will only get worse with each excuse I make. So I stopped at 2 and I haven't had another drink since. During my divorce, I stopped going to meetings and I stopped practicing the steps. This is a sidenote but about 6 months after my divorce, and after I started going back to meetings, my ex wanted me back, but I chose not to. It felt good to have the emotional strength to say no. I would not have had that, if I hadn't been in AA!
You can forgive yourself for that slip. Turn it over to your Higher Power. You are still at a very fragile time in your recovery when sobriety is the most difficult to maintain. Keep the Faith and keep on moving on!
God Bless!
As for the sip that you had? I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. It was with my boss who pressured me so much that I took the smallest of sips possible from a beer. I was disgusted with him and with myself. I did not slip or relapse. i did the only thing I could think of to shut him up. (I am NOT going to tell my employer that I am in recovery. I have seen that end up badly in the industry I am in.)
So don't worry about it. And the next wedding, just plan to leave befor heavy drinking kicks in. BTW -- not all weddings are like this. Same with parties and other occasion where people are drinking. I find that I am never the only one who is sober. I avoid the drunks, enjoy myself, and never feel obligated to stay if it becomes a drunk-fest.
You were clear that you were not going to drink, and you kept to that. You did feel pressured into taking a sip -- next time you should just say you are getting a cold or something and refuse.
You don't need to isolate from people not in recovery. You'll find that many people do not drink to excess, even at an "over-the-top" reception. If this was a heavy drinking even, I bet there were a lot of people who left early.
I too recently attended a wedding in Palm Springs where there was a lot of drinking going on and had to say no to the booze multiple times. On thing I have found helps in heavy drinking situations is drinking something nonalcoholic that looks like alcohol so I can blend in, like a soda water, and also leaving early before the drinking gets too heavy.
I'm sos sorry you have to go through this and deal with such a toxic work environment. it's always a lot better when everyone around you supports your sobriety. Sometimes it helps if people do know your sober so that they can support you.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about the sip. It was just a sip. As long as it didn't start a full-blown might as well go whole hog replies you are good.
You are very strong. Stay strong. It gets easier.
You have come through a tough test and you have passed so well done.
There are lessons to be learned from the experience and that sip of beer can be your reminder for the future. It would have been nice to be able to tell yourself that you passed the beer the first time without taking a sip but there is no point in beating yourself up about it now. Concentrate instead on the very big positive you put up with a lot of shit and stayed sober.
Another lesson to learn is that you will meet many arseholes in life and a few drinks brings out the worst in some of them. Learning how to cope with these situations will not only help you to maintain sobriety but will also lead to a happier life. Most people need help with that as it is not something that is taught at school.
As for weddings, I have been to a few since I stopped drinking. Some were boring and a couple of others were by far the best weddings I ever attended. It was mostly down to how I handled different situations on the day. What other people did could spoil the day only if I allowed them to get into my head.
Pit it all down to experience now and keep moving forward. Not sure about changing jobs though because you will get people like that everywhere. Better I think to learn how to deal with people, places and things.
Easiest way out of it.
As for the boisterous guy, his alcoholism was being threatened.