Just thinking out loud folks! Following the great advice I have received form this group to try and discover why I drank, and thinking about what I have read in others posts. So was I weak, entitled, or defiant? I never felt weak, even when I would wake up in the morning swearing I would not drink again and then leave work 8-10 hours later and drive straight to the store to buy wine or liquor. By the time I had finished work and gotten in my car, I felt entitled to drink if I wanted to. I had worked an entire day after all and surely I was the only person in the whole world who had had such a rough day!! I wasn't weak....I was entitled. The other reason I think I drank was out of defiance. In the last year, when my drinking got really heavy, my husband would comment on my drinking. Now mind you, he has behaviors that I don't agree with, so my response to him was one of "I'll show you, you can't control me. I'm an adult". Now that my brain is functioning clearly and I examine these rational, I think "Holy crap, that makes no sense at all." I was poisoning myself because I was entitled to or in defiance. Crazy!! Just asking those folks that are early in recovery to really consider why they drink. Take the skeleton out of the closet and really examine it. Funniest thing is people who feel entitled (to anything) or people who act in pure defiance really piss me off! Hard to own that I acted no better, but it's the truth. Hope this helps someone own their choices and accept that their thinking is not, and cannot be, clear if their thinking is driven by alcohol.