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Walking on egg shells

Gr8ful
Gr8ful
For a long time in my life I walked on egg shells. I was so worried what may or may not happen I walked on egg shells.

I was so scared that if I did something that the other person would hurt me, leave me, that I would tolerate things that I hated. I would not confront people in case they hurt me, whether this be emotional, physical or whatever.

Then one day I realised that by doing this I was a doormat and it was not makin me happy it was making me into a person that I did not want to be.

It was hard but I started to say ok the result of me standing up for me might be painful and I might lose people from it, but at least I will not lose me. The people I did lose, I came to realise where not truly my friends but were only there because they wanted to have a "doormat".

Today to the best of my ability I have empathy for those around me but I do not, not do something because the outcome is unpleasant. I now refuse to walk on egg shells. I refuse to allow people to have that much power over me.

G8
CoogeeMum
CoogeeMum
That would depend on how fragile some of those eggshells were, but I know what you mean. I no longer allow others to dictate my path in life. I don't always make the right decisions, but they are mine and I own them. I've found also mates who matter don't mind and will stand by through thick and thin. CM xxx
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's amazing what we allow to happen all in the name of being liked.. I was talking with someone about this very topic yesterday, and how i struggle still with all of it.. Thing is I am glad to be aware of it today because it doesn't last as long now.. I (we) all have an understanding now that we can be treated well and not be treated like the doormat you mention... Like we hear on this board sometimes "god" doesn't make junk! So why do we allow others treat us as such... I know for myself it happens some days because i don't like myself much... I am slowly learning!

Thanks good post
AnneL
AnneL
I could not state this any better for myself. I have had to go through this exact challenge. It was terrifying but I didn't need to lose my soul anymore. I am OK being me even if it means other people don't always like it.
nickyj18022002
nickyj18022002
Good post. I had the same problems and am having to do the same thing. Learn a way to walk where I dont tread on other people and I dont allow them to walk on me. There are some areas where this is easier than others but I am learning how to put boundaries in place.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was always kinda the opposite. Rather than tolerate things that I hated, I would insist that they change to suit me. I was always the bully (mentally of course, not physically by any means!).

However I have tip toed around some people for fear of pissing them off, I know a lot more have tip toed around ME for fear of unleashing the beast! ha!

For those that I have tip toed around, I've learned that "no" is a complete sentence...and it's okay to use it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
there is a book called "walking on eggshells"

i actually bought this for my wife when i was trying to save her from herself......i was a doctor back then, did ya know that?

i know its like to walk on eggshells, keep working at it. i am, hard to just be me and actually have someone not like me.

hell, i know a few on here dont really care for me, but im ok with that....i am who i am
deleted_user
deleted_user
Before I could be true to myself, I had to find out just who I was. I found me through listening to others and doing what they did. Because of that, I feel as nicky does. I cannot justify harming others and no further can make excuses for others violating boundaries I set down. I also didn't know that once I set a boundary, I would need to re-set them over again, not just once with some folks.

Walking on eggshells indeed, lol. When I got sober, if I bumped into a chair, the automatic response was "I'm sorry". I felt inadequate because I was! Today I am becoming who God intended me to be rather than that sorry drunk I thought I was when I got here. Sobriety is like life, I'm so happy to be in it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
never walk on eggs shells for anyone, you just end up resenting them in the long run. Just be yourself that should be enough for someone. Take care.
okiyoe1
okiyoe1
Yea, I insisted on 2nd best for half of my life... kinda sad but true.
Billy
deleted_user
deleted_user
yep, I bet my life on AA and I've never had to go back to that terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair. Thank God
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish people would coat their dam egg shells with some super strong plastic. That way, I wouldn't have to walk so lightly. Really, how lightly I walk on egg shells depends soley on what inside the egg. If the egg contains bullshit, I don't mind getting that on my shoes. BUT, if the egg contains plastic explosives, I am going to use stilts until I get the Hell out of the area!

Some people have eggs full of plastic explosives, some figuratively and others quite literally. I always use stilts in the presence of an old-timer with a mile wide attitude and a newcomer whose every other word is "I." I wear combat boots in the presence of armchair "shrinks," for example. In the presence of folks that are just living life, I wear my usual sneakers.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wayne, can you spell p-a-s-s-i-v-e a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e?

try kindness instead of that innuendo nonsense. Even you might feel better. You are one of the pot stirrers. Who in the hell are you to judge who and who is not "living life"? I'd laugh if what you and others like you are doing to this board wasn't so tragic.