I hear You...But I found through association and no other witness to help me see through ,I became who I thought I was ,,, based on so many factors . My way out has been taking false assumption about a correct way of living(learned) and turning it upside down and shaking out the blame and replacing it with something closer to . a life lived through exploring "again " who I had become.

Go to the goggle search and place Questions you have and read up on the answers You find! A wealth of knowledge to investigate, I found on the lies I believed and acted out until I wanted to understand the truth about Me for myself. It's a very personal (journey) find out for yourself How:)
Billy
http://iraresoul.com/alicemiller.html

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/adultchildrenofalcoholics

My parents were pretty wonderful, all things considering, so I will pass. Hopefully others will find your subgroup and find a place to vent and come to terms with their relationships with their parents.

I had groovy parents too, doing the best they could as young as they were. So I too will pass. I guess my question is what good is it doing for any growth or healing by venting and bitching about our parents? I haven't seen the group, so my apologies if its not just that, but I am going on what you said about venting. For me, any resentments I held I cleared up through my recovery program, so I have let go of anything I thought was blocking me from the Creator. As Billy mentioned, if it's Alcoholics that you are talking about, the ACA group or any other ACA group would probably be a more positive and healing place to start.

If you had groovy parents then you have nothing to complain about.
Good for you!

Toxic parents might be to blame for some stuff, but not alcoholism. Alcoholism might be hereditary, genetically, but your parents didnt "cause" it.
Might try going to an AA meeting for answers.

Stickywick, who said anything about parents causing alcoholism?

There are lots of sub groups on DS -- sometimes it helps to vent. Sometimes in venting and listening to others we learn to deal with a situation that gets us bent out of shape.

Maybe I am reading your post wrong, but it sounds like you are denigrating a new group before it has even gotten off the ground. I am sure that was not your intent.

I realized at some point that I was too old to keep blaming my parents. It is just a fact of human existence that we spend so much time getting past our childhoods, our parents too you know? Whether they realize it or not.

But believe me I vent about mine still and I'm in my 50s now. Good to do it with the right people and try to cause no harm.

Definitely some truth in this, the damage that parents do...plenty to do with the problem but what's the solution??

Most of our spiritual problems, IMO, boil down to this...why do we refuse to grow up take responsibility for our lives/ put down or cease to blame the things we cannot change? Can we be joyful and compassionate in light of and FULL KNOWLEDGE of what we did/didn't get in this world?

I can't, but I'm trying ;o) Good to have a simple solution in the meantime.

P

Sorry. My issues have nothing to do with my parents. My parents are mostly amazing.

it's just sick how much potential there is for kids to be f***ed up by their parents. I have decent parents and I'm still not right from having to grow up under'em. Mine always thought I was stupid... they still do, actually. Doesn't matter how many times it's proven not to be the case, they just can't seem to let go of the idea... I think at this point it's because they'd have to admit they were wrong for all them years. So anyhow, now I constantly think that people think I'm an idiot or that there's a conspiracy to make me look stupid, incompetent, etc (of course, no evidence whatsoever is needed for these assumptions). Looking back, it's probably pretty likely that I did suffer from Aspergers (no evidence to suggest a low IQ though) but have probably just grown and developed out of it to where it's no longer recognizable really. Was never diagnosed... no one knew what Aspergers was back then. I just knew that I wasn't normal, wasn't good enough, and was probably stupid also...

Gosh folks-are you trying to make this person grovel? It is great you had/have great parents-some people though have issues surrounding this.

I am now heading off to the depression bored to tell em how happy I have always been....

On an up note-I am all for a group working through parental issues from the past. Sometimes, there are parents who do horrible things folks. It helps to know there are others who have experienced this and gotten through it in one peice.

I say complain, work through it, share with others, and i hope you eventual see beyond the invisible chains of you past.

GOTtheGRO,
My sister died two years ago of brain cancer. She was the middle child in the family. We had two alcoholic parents and my sister was used as the scapegoat for most of her life.
I visited my sister in the hospital and before they drugged her so badly she couldn't speak, she told me that she had "visual memory" and that nobody cared. I was shocked as I did not know that. My sister was 59 years old at the time she told me and I was 61. That revelation was heartbreaking as my parents always told her that she was stupid. If you are told often enough that you are stupid, you quit trying to make people believe otherwise. My sister did not do well in school because she gave up trying. Most likely my sister had photographic memory as it was rumored that my grandmother on my mother's side had it also. My sister lived a tragic life. She became an alcoholic and a prescription drug abuser. Who knows how she might have turned out if my parents had not targeted her with emotional abuse. When someone systematically tries to destroy your soul, really, what are the odds of turning out OK.
Stop believing what your parents told you. I know this is hard and it took me nearly 60 years to realize the truth about myself and my sister. We were both good people. We both have good hearts and we deserved better than what we got. I turned out OK being the oldest and the most responsible but my sister did not.
She rests in peace now.

I found put I had messy parents but my choices were worse than my parents! I had to be taught that I could not blame them. I had to grow up.....and take responsibility for my life.

I'm surprised that some people in here are dismissing the connection between home environment and drinking. For many people, toxic environments lead to trying drugs and alcohol as a way to escape. Considering their "guides" through teen years are likely to be parents; if the parents are abusive (no, they don't need to be alcoholics), it can easily lead to drinking.

@itsjustme...I totally agree that there is a connection between home environment and destructive behaviour. My home environment was pretty bad. I still don't blame my parents for my alcoholism.
My paternal grandfather died at 40 in a car crash. He was alcoholic. My maternal grandfather died at 63 of a gunshot wound....self inflicted. He was alcoholic. Neither of my parents drink alcoholically. Dysfunction dejure....you bet. I believe that alcoholism is a family disease both in terms of genetics, environment, etc. but these factors didnt *make* me alcoholic. They helped push me along, particularly early on, but I can't "blame." For me at least there is no recovery in blame. Not of myself, or of others.