You sound as if you are resless irritable and discontented - that's a sign that you need to get working on the steps urgently before you drink again. You've said that you need a new sponsor so get one and get on with the work. You really are on dodgy ground here!

Hi == I agree with Serenity. I have gotten irritated, and actually am right now. I need to dig into the steps, call others, read, pray and get back into the sunlight. When we are in a funk we are disconnected from our HP, from others, and from ourselves. For me that puts me in danger of a drink.
Grab a new sponsor, but maybe get honest with your current sponsor first? Tell her how you feel and give her the opportunity to respond. I *almost* started to blame my sponsor for some of my lack of progress a few months ago. And guess what? In the end it was all my charector defects and me trying to take the easier way out.

Good luck.

just don't drink....no matter what...even if your ass falls off!!!! don't drink

Ashley... stinkin thinkin will get you back to the pit, you know that as well as anyone here. Maybe your sponsor isn't working out for you but I know for sure that if you go to a meeting and can be honest with ALL of them you will get help. Stop thinking and let them do it for you. You are one very intelligent young lady but you you get stupid when you drink... just like the rest of us.

I personally have seen your growth. Why stop now. If you can go to a young peoples meeting. Find a newbie and work with her. Get out of your head and in to someone who needs to know what you do. Working with someone else is the best way to help yourself. Remember too that the meeting after the meeting is sometimes better than the original.

One last question.
Are you really irritated?
Or just bored?

Some great advice. Last week was the first time I really wanted a drink but it was because I was irritable and focusing on others too much.

I reached out to another AA member and my sponsor has been a bit busy these last weeks so i felt like I was hanging out on my arse a little. I was not focused on meditating or working any spiritual practice. No wonder I was all out there.

I wondered how much did I really want it. How much did not drinking mean to me and it meant a great deal. I am actually proud of myself despite feeling very loopy at times.

I'm on early ground and have done it before and was reminded in a meeting today that I had to keep plugging away and that above all the crap that has been happening I will go above and beyond for my sobriety.

I too felt i was regressing last week and then I was reminded through something that it is with pain that I grow. So you probably are doing the hard yards and not giving yourself enough credit.

I read on the internet that too much thinking leads to negative thoughts and boy are they right.

Thinking about drinking is natural if you are suffering from untreated alcoholism. You are experiencing the mental obsession that we talk about so much as being the crux of alcoholism. And being restless, irratible and discontent is the spiritual malady that eventually makes us so uncomfortable that to drink seems the only sensible option. Rational thoughts are thrown out of the window and the insanity takes over.

If you have conceded you are powerless in step 1 and accepted the ideas in the first chapters of the big book about what alcoholism is then you will appreciate that to try and fight the obsession on your own power will ultimately be futile. It may work for a while but it isnt reliable. The solution we are given in step 2 is connection to a power greater than ourselves and so if I was to give you advice it would be to throw yourself into the steps that need to be done to make that connection. And try to employ spiritual solutions to the way you feel such as helping others rather than focusing on yourself.

I have felt the way that you do on several occasions. On 3 of those occasions I eventually drank and on the 4th I came to the point of drinking, had alcohol in my hand, but experienced a sort of surrender to the program and spiritual solution and was able for the first time ever to turn the situation around and not drink.

None of those times did it need to get to the point that it did. There is no point in saying dont drink no matter what because if we could assure that then we probably wouldnt be alcoholics in the first place. The truth for me has always been that action towards the spiritual awakening has always been the only way I can stay sober. Where are you with the steps?

Okay, you said you have not fully told your sponsor how you feel and that you need to get more honest with her. In my personal experience, when I stop being honest about this stuff it's because I'd already made subconscious plans to drink again. (that's me).

I'm not saying that you will do this but it is dangerous territory. So get honest with someone face-to-face. Right now, that thought may be very small....like a seed that has not yet sprouted. Don't let it grow within you. Talk to someone in your program.

AWWW Ashely... main thing is You keep moving and not glamorize the Hell alcoholism has put you through. Life is full of ups and downs Pay attention , reach out . Don't let anyone convince you life ain't about being Human and needing to be imperfect at times to see What it is You may really need to Look at :) Adversity builds Character......
Billy

I call those feelings platueus. We come to a point in our various stages of sobriety when we just cant seem to grow anymore. We know theres a lot more that needs to be done but we just get stagnant. It is then that we find it necessary to double our efforts. We might considr a new sponsor or perhaps to start working with others.We can go to 12 & 12 meetings or spiritual gatherings . We know one thing for sure. If we dont start doing something we are subject to getting back on that merry-go-round of alcoholic drinking. There is no more half measures we know if we pick up that first drink we are doomed. Ashley it is a good thing that you recognize that something is missing in your sobriety. That means you are thinking. What wedo now is turn our dark thoughts into something positive . We strengthen our resolve about our program and get back into action.Dont quit now you've come to far .
Greg

:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP6B9HttRI8

Nooooooooooooo ... Ashley! You've come so far! Don't backslide now! Be strong, girl ... you can get through this without drinking. I have faith in ya! Hang in there!

Ashley, it's so easy to say you can "start all over," but realistically you have no idea what will happen once you pick up a drink. Don't chance it. Find yourself a new sponsor, a newcomer to call and help, and know that This Too Shall Pass.

Don't throw it all away. Please.

Thank you all sooo much! It really mean so much to hear from all you that I have come to respect and care about...I know I am not here a whole lot but you all help me so much!! I am so grateful to have you all!!!

So, just a quick update...I am doing much better today! But last night those stupid alcoholic voices REALLY got to me...I fought it on my way home from a meeting, a hard fight but I was going to get back in my car...I was wanting more than anything to go to the liquor store, but the voices that kept telling me I had to just call my sponsor, I did...I told her I didnt really want to be calling, I wanted to go to the store, I was in my car, I expected her to give me some reading to do, some advice...nope
She said she was on her way over to my house...she said she wouold call me when she got in her car, another woman called me, and in about 15 min. my sponsor was here and told me another woman I knew was coming over too....wow!! I was shocked that they really did care about me! And were willing to come all the way to my house, interupt thier lives, for me..

They really snapped me back into reality!
I am so grateful and blessed!!
And for you all as well!
Thank you all for your great advise!!!
I am feeling much better

Today I am getting back to the work!! Time to restart on step one and to really connect with HP...Today is a new journey and I want to embrace it....I do not want the misery that drinking brings into my life!!!

Wow, Ashley -- that is great. What wonderful support to lift you up out of the desire to drink.

And it sounds like you are using it as an opportunity for a new beginning -- without having to go through the horror of a relapse. Good stuff.