Think about the present and the future.... how good your life is without the booze. Think about all the negative things alcohol has done to your life and why you decided to give it up that usually helps me. Stay strong!!!

Sounds to me like you are are grieving for a friend and along with that comes the memories you had with him. For me, the bad that alcohol brought to my life far outweighed the good. Nothing wrong with missing people and good times, and I still have some fun drinking memories...but that's just what they are - memories. I can't go back there. I can't be that type of drinker again...it just doesn't work for me and given that you are an alch...it's not going to work for you either.

You learn to make new, enjoyable memories being sober...rem the new times and rem the old times, but don't get lured into thinking that the old fun times didn't somehow bring you to the point where you knew you had to quit drinking.

Some people are going to come down all over me for saying this but it has worked for me when I have longed for wine or beer - and it did not lead me back to drinking.

When the longing hit me to the degree that I considered drinking - I got some non-alcoholic wine and drank that. It took the longing away and I am not drinking because of that. Maybe some nonalcoholic beer would help you over this difficult time.

Good luck - and try to stay with the here an now.

I don't advocate drinking "near beer" or "non-alcoholic wine" -- but I DO advocate thinking the first drink thru. Remember what it was like when you were drinking -- start with that first drink and think until you passed out or got smashed. Do you really want to live like that? Do you want the hangovers? Do you want to risk losing your license, your job, your friends, your family, etc? And do you want to end up like your buddy -- with cancer of the liver or cirrhosis?

Just thought I'd throw out a few things that COULD happen. When you're tempted to drink, think it thru. Chances are, you won't pick it up.

God bless & take care. Hugs. Lee

It is not memories like the ones you describe here that got you where you are right now.........you are sugar coating your drinking times (if you are alcoholic like me).

Today I remembered going to a posh restuarant 15 years ago and being able to have a few drinks and enjoy the evening immensely. Today that is not my drinking. At some point I crossed the line. I can not afford to 'romance' the bottle.

Today I have so much more than a bottle as a crutch. Today I truly have life.

If it will make you feel better....I will share some of the English Clotted Cream Vanilla ice-cream I am currently savouring with ya :)

I missed the booze alott in the first few months. I still miss the idealized thought of it, but not the reality. The reality is my "nice glass of wine" quickly progresses into a bottle a night, horrible hangovers, shit house sleep, and that cycle of "I won't do this again tomorrow" that lasts until 5 or 6 p.m. the next day. Ugh.
I don't miss that at ALL. I don't miss feeling like I'm going to hurl, or like I'll faint. I don't miss that.
So focus on the reality, acceptance, and looking forward to real friendships not based on altered reality.

Good luck:)

Change your own perspective Bob . Weigh all the goodthings drinking and drugging did for you .Then weigh all the bad things . Weigh the miracles of sobriety against the torment of an alcoholic life. There is a perspective you should never take your eyes off. Greg

bob it is strange you are having this thinking....

I came here and saw you as a pretty sober individual.....

now what? did you go from a liberal (wanting changes) to a conservative reactionary? (wanting the old times to come again)

I just think "this too shall pass" and move on....it gets me by...

and LindaJean....the near beer? Really? I had one in sobriety...One! It was when my lover left the island I was still living on in South Pacific to go home....she was also asked later to marry me...but did not want to come live on my island wanted me to come back home to her....which I was not willing to do...damn! Only One wishing time with that idea....had one near beer in airport waiting for her to board her flight back home.

But Linda I do embibe in sparkly grape juices at Christmas and perhaps Thanksgiving or Easter dinners with my family....all non alcoholic stuff is not bad for us sometimes.....

hugs bill

sounds like you've got a selective memory thing happening - that's what alcoholism does. Speaking for myself, I LOVE alcohol, so my mind is going to try and find ways to get me heading for it again. What helps, is AA meetings (hearing other people's drinking stories), and thinking it through. Why did I stop drinking? SOMETHING propelled me into sobriety, and it wasn't that I was having a good time! I was, in fact, at risk of attempting suicide in a drunken despair. Hang in there!

I've tried to think of something...anything...that I miss from the days of wine and roses, and I can't come up with even one small thing. It was all a nightmare, as I look back from today. I miss nothing.

I wouldnt spend a whole ot of effort trying to change your thinking. The mind can create great deception - obviously it is luring you by remembering all the positives of drinking and forgetting about the negatives. Check out the bits in the big book that refer to this - cannot remember with sufficient force the suffering and humiliation, problem centres in the mind etc etc

Chances are that you are in the grief process regarding the loss of your friend and this gets tied in with experiences that you had with him and also other losses including that of alcohol. And that regarding alcohol your thinking cannot be relied on.

That is why recovery from alcoholism doesnt rely on thinking. It relies on action and in particular action which brings us closer to a higher power.

If I was you i wouldnt be concentrating on thinking I would be concentrating on all the action of the program. Inventory, amends where necessary, prayer, meditation, carrying the message and other service, living by spiritual principles. Those are the things that I know grow my connection with a higher power and that is what I know keeps me sober.

ok.. ok.. you're all right, I was grieving the loss of my friend. We each got married after college and went our separate ways. Now, 30 years later, I happen to meet up with him on face book and we were going to get together and talk about back in the day but that never happened. He died shortly after and I didn't even know he was sick.

But thanks everyone for the replies. I have been sober for 3 years and have no plans to break that record. Thanks to all the replies. I know now why I love alches better then regular people.

God Bless!

Bob, a very similar thing happened to my husband. He, after 40 years, was reconnected with the man who had been his best friend in college, back in the 60s. He and Rodger made plans to meet, but Roger died of a heart attack while raking leaves, two weeks prior to their planned reunion.

My husband found solace in just knowing they had been in touch and had had the chance to catch up, introduce eachother to families, and to rehash old times. My husband still had a 40-year old letter Roger had sent him, talking about the girl he planned to marry. Hubby sent it to her after Roger died, and she and his kids thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

Be glad you and your buddy ran into eachother again. It probably gave him a chance to revisit good times you two shared earlier in life.

Bob: I am sorry for your loss of a great friend. Our family lost someone to pancreatic cancer in January - we are trying to recall all the happy times she gave us and celebrate her life with the grandchildren.

Congratulations on being sober over 3 years. You should be so proud. In fact, because of your dedication to being sober, your contact with your friend was really memorable. You were able to really share clear thoughts with him - I would be thinking how lucky you were to have those communications just before he passed away.

Wishing you a happy and peaceful week.

Hi Bob, I am sorry to hear about your friend. When we lose someone, we also re-feel all the other losses we have had in our lives. Sometimes, that's a lot of loss for some alcoholics.

You posted that you are 3 years sober and yet your thinking has been a little odd recently. Maybe it's time to check out your step-work and your relationship with your HP. When we live by spiritual principles, the 10th step promises will be true for you. If they are not, then this might be more serious than you think.

I'm not trying to drag you down but this is about life and death for you.

Best wishes

Lyn