Its a strange old world we live in. The mere mention of a fellowship whose name does not begin with BB is met with a torrent of abuse, absurd generalisations and downright rudeness from the usual suspects.

If you are someone who has quit drinking on your own, by reading some gurus book or by standing on your head singing the national anthem, fair play to you. Maybe its now time to read Allen Carrs lesser known book The Easy Way To Be Nice To Other People.

It is good to have a laugh every day and I could not help but chuckle at the notion that AA is more suited to followers rather than those high powered self-directed people. A strange world indeed but I suppose it takes all sorts.

The point here is to help the OP with dealing with her relapse, not inciting another vitriol-fueled debate about the pros and cons of AA.

I believe the CL has directed people to other boards for AA members and people who have found other means of attaining sobriety. Might I suggest that those focused discussion venues be utilized instead of here?

A torrent of abuse? You have got to be kidding.

Changingpb --You got to figure this out. I don't think long term sobriety is about resistance or willpower. Those are not sustainable. And let go of the guilt. Guilt and fear of relapse is not an effective strategy.

Try AA -- maybe that will help. You can also check out SMART Recovery -- it is a secular solution, grounded in science. There are online meetings and resources that might help. For me, SMART Recovery's program makes a lot more sense than AA, but it doesn't have the ongoing face-to-face support that you will get with AA. (Note that I did not follow either program, these are my observations from checking them out.)

The quitting method proven to be most effective is one-on-one sessions with a therapist or counselor. You might consider that as an option, especially if you can get insurance to cover it. As with a recovery program, make sure that the counselor is a good fit for you.

If you find Carr's book useful, you might want to check investigate AVRT as well -- Addiction Voice Recognition Technique (Rational Recovery). It talks about that voice that tries to convince you to drink and gives specific advice on how to deal with it.

I am glad that you recognize that drinking was a conscious choice. Now you have to figure out how to get to the place where there is no choice to be made, because drinking is not a option. And not because you "can't" drink... but because you do not drink and do not want to.

Hello changing. ..shame is a burden...in some ways it was the motivation for me to begin to change...sick and tired of being sick and tired :) But also shame itself doesn't help in the long run. Maybe a sign that it's time to do something different.

Hope you find the motivation to reach out for other help...regardless of what others say worked for them, take a look at all the options and find one that will work for you :)

P

This definitely isn't easy Pam, I feel your pain. My weakness is the drive home from work - I'd immediately go to the store across from my work's parking lot, grab 4 little bottles of vodka, and drink them on the way home. After reading Allen Carr's book, I bought the audio book. I now turn it on as soon as I get in the car after work and listen to it all the way home. It's a little like brainwashing, but it helps me remember the reasons why I don't want to drink.

Budd, you're an interesting one.

You've been on this site for 7 years, and while I don't know if that's researching alcoholism or other issues, but for someone who is unsure if they are an alcoholic, you seem to have a real fear of AA.

It's isn't for everyone, but it works for many.

Can I help answer a question for you about it?

I'm intrigued to know more about you, especially after reading your latest alcohol induced post.

Don't feel guilty and don't be ashamed... this is a journey...

I think that since you have been on DS you have already come so far... And even those who have now achieved sobriety were once in your shoes... which means you could someday be their shoes.

hold on to the achievements and progress you have made. If you need more help, then seek it out.

Good Luck my friend. Stay Strong.

I couldn't do it on my own. I tried and failed probably in the thousands of times. At the end I would quit every day only to be drinking before dark. My mind was reliant upon alcohol, I was hooked, addicted.

It's not a moral issue its not that I'm a bad person, I'm just in able to process alcohol like other ppl. I'm alcoholic.

But today I don't drink. I filled the void with about five things I do daily that help me stay away from booze.

You can do it too. Life is waiting cmon!
1is2many

wow i am taken aback by all of this, I thought daily strength was a place to go for support and encouragement from each other not a place to tear each other down. if sobriety is the main goal what difference does it make how you get there? for some AA will work and For some a book others can even make a go of it cold turkey and be successful there isn't a right or wrong way you just have to find which one works for you take it and RUN with it. when you are ready REALLY ready you will succeed. In the mean time its okay to fall short we all do, the shame is a emotion that will pass but use it to get back up and try again (if at first you don't succeed right?) I have fell many times and I know the shame but I'm hanging in there on day 14. please keep pushing for it and find what works for YOU (whatever method that may be :-) ).......sending you love, encouragement and great big bear hugs

BC,

Thanks for the response. I apologize for not using your full title.
Jeff is fine.
I understand RA very much, I'm sorry you suffer from it. It is debilitating.
No problem if you pass by AA's door.
Love to chat with you sometime.
Alcohol is a beast.
I love the taste of wine. Love ales also, the darker and heavier the better.

I like to help those who are sick. Tough love is hard for many to swallow. I know my disease had me rationalizing everything I did, as to why I overdid it. It includes:

Didn't eat enough
Didn't drink enough water
Spent too much time in the sun.
Didn't have enough sleep.
It was "that" shot.
I should have stuck to beer.
That bartender/he/she made stiff cocktails.
That beer was higher in ABV than others.

And then when I couldn't admit that the first one was the problem, I had these rationalizations:

I wasn't "that" drunk.
I drank just as much as ______.
_____ was far worse than me.
It's been a long time since I overdid it like that.
Well, it's ok I was wasted, we are on vacation, it was a wedding, it was the weekend.
So I threw up, at least I wasn't driving.

Now these things apply to me. None of them may apply to you.

The reason I speak highly of the big book is because I identify greatly in many of the stories there. The time I drank too much at a work event. Or how I felt smart but shy, and that I needed the lubricant to be social. There are so many reasons why I identify with the big book.

Do you golf?

If you've ever read chicken soup for the golfer's soul, you might understand how you identify with many, not all, many of the little tales. That's the big book for me.

I go to 1-2 meetings a week. My sponsor isn't overbearing. I like being in a room of people who are winning the fight I'm in. It's a fight every day to not drink. That's not to say I think about it, or I'm close to drinking. That's too say the danger is there, ALWAYS.

I am not into religion period.

I also go to hear what people say about having 8,10,12,22 years of sobriety, then picking a bottle up again. That's a serious threat. That my devious alcoholic mind might trick me into thinking "I can handle it this time."

Whatever brings you success, I'm happy for you. I share my experiences with people because that's what people shared with me. This worked. Willpower, my wife's threats to leave me, my kids' pleas all failed me. Or I failed all them rather.

I have my legs again and the strength. I have such a tremendous feeing now of hope and prosperity. I wake up with clarity and positivity.

I was a successful guy, with a great career and an excellent paying job. I struggle freelance now, and life is a challenge. This is the best I've ever felt.

I'm free from resentment and doubt and insecurity and jealousy. I always live in the moment.

Now while that may be a result of AA, it's really more about who I am, and what I strive to be, which includes a lot of skill sharpening that has nothing to do with AA at all.

Thanks BC for taking the time to chat.

Jeff in California.

You're welcome Doug! We can all beat this disease.