Hi Rich. Your wife knows you're trying to stop drinking, right? I know there has been a lot of discussion about couples where one can drink moderately and the other cannot. However, since you are so early in to quitting, do you think it would be reasonable to ask your wife if she could NOT open the bottles on wine on her birthday?

I like the idea of going out to dinner. That way, if she wants to have a celebratory toast, you won't be tempted with an open bottle practically right under your nose. (I mean I know it will be hard enough to resist ordering a drink from the bar while you are out.)

Whichever you decide, I know it will be tough. Ideally, she should hide those bottles.

Anyway, congrats to you on nine days. Tomorrow it will be 10! Good to be in the double digits!!

Being proactive is a good start. Do you have any alcohol free drinks that you enjoy? Maybe some sparking cider or tonic water?

I would try and take the bull by the horns while you are ahead. Dinner at home or out, is it likely she will have a glass of wine or two?

My father is a wine maker and brings home CASES of wine. I am nearing four months here...I just remind myself what will happen after that first drink and it keeps me awaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Sooner or later you will say to yourself 'this is it, I've had it, no more alcohol for me, I'm done'.
And when you are ready to truly retire alcohol and call it quits,
IT'S STILL GOING TO BE EVERYWHERE!!! It's not going to disappear.
Whether it's your wife's birthday, whether you eat in or out, whether there's wine or no wine... Be prepared, think ahead, alcohol is not leaving this planet, you have to learn to say NO THANK YOU. (This applies to me too).

Hello Rich,

I totally understand, wine is my poison as well. Grats on 9 days sober. Since I am new I have no wonderful words of wisdom or expert advice, just simple words from my heart that may or may not help. I am still very newly sober and face the same temptation, but what is helping me is giving it to my Higher Power, because I can no longer face this disease alone. Just reading, or remembering step 1 and 2 helps me. And, this may sound odd, but remembering that alcohol always makes my anxiety worse not better is helping me. I wish I had more strength or hope to offer you, but I am new on this journey myself.

Hi Rich, you might find that your thinking, rather than red wine, is your "gateway drug."

It was for me, you are far from alone in being plagued by this mental obsession. The good news is that you shared it with other alcoholics this time which gives you a sporting chance for your usual rationale to kick in. I know that helped me when I had enough presence of mind to realise my next drunk was knocking on the door. It averted disaster more than a few times.

Sometimes that was not the outcome. As my alcoholism progressed I often didn't seem to stop and think at all, so sudden and powerful was the call. My thinking would tell me "you could have that drink and no-one would know" or "I only want one glass" or self pity would come or anger or ..... fill in the blank.

I wasn't powerless over picking up that drink all the time but self-
honesty showed me that sometimes I was. That helped me to realise that a different approach to the problem was necessary for me.

Hello Rich,

Play the tape the whole way through and see where that one little glass of wine will bring you. The probable outcome is that you will drink a whole bottle or two and then look for something stronger. Another possibility is that you will have your one glass and that you will not notice any bad reaction. However, in my experience it will play on your mind and next week there will be some other justifiable reason for drinking. Relapse is something that is planned in the mind for a long time before it happens but if you are aware of your thinking it can be avoided.

Whiskey was my drink of choice and shortly after I stopped drinking someone gave me two expensive bottles of good quality stuff. By that time I had come to accept that I could not drink and had made a decision to do whatever it took to stay sober. Those two bottles stayed in the house for months as I wanted to give them to someone who would appreciate good whiskey. There was not one minute in that time that I ever thought of drinking any of it because I knew where that one drink would lead.

If you are going to come through this test there are a few things that I would suggest considering. The first thing is an acceptance of the reality of where you are, that is that you cannot drink safely. Beware of the difference between admitting and accepting. The second thing would be to immediately put all thoughts of drinking out of your head as soon as those thoughts arise. What you are doing now is fantasising about wine and if you continue with that you will drink again.

You can certainly sneak a glass or two of wine and your wife may not notice but YOU will notice. Your wife and just about everyone else will be likely to notice eventually when you descend into the depths of alcoholism and start losing everything that you hold dear. Are you ready to be honest with yourself? When I was where you are I found it impossible to do it on my own but remarkably easy with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You are thinking about how you'll be tempted to sneak a glass without her knowing. IMO, you are in a dangerous place with this and possibly setting yourself up for failure.

I agree with clover. I would ask her to not open that wine at home. On her birthday, it will easier on you if you go out.

For me, day three included going to a family dinner with excellent wine and lots of toasts. I made it through that dinner and the kitchen clean-up afterwards (where I could sneak as much as I wanted) by being clear of my goal for that night and picturing myself saying "no thank you" and sipping on my water. So I know it is certainly possible to get through these situations and NOT drink. You NEVER have to pick that drink up. It is always your choice.

That said, I think it is easier to enlist your wife's support and keep the wine unopened.

Great job on nine days. I hope this is more than the start of your latest attempt. I hope it is the first nine days of a sober life, one free from the hell of alcoholic drinking.

Hey Everyone --

Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement. Just to clarify - 1/21 will be day 9 for me so today is only day 6 (and the day is not done..)

I think it will be easier if we go out because then I will be the driver and I have actually never had a problem with not drinking or just having one drink when out because I know I have to drive home. Of course its the one drink that triggers the desire for more when I get home and don't have to drive anywhere.

I'm sure my wife would not open a bottle if I asked her not too but it is her birthday and they were a birthday gift. I think that I will ask her to hide the bottle when she does open it so I don't know where it is.

I've also suggested putting a lock on our liquor cabinet that only she has the combination too so we are looking into that as the cabinet is not designed to easily add a lock.

Rich

There will always be a day, holiday, occasion to drink. If the is not right under your nose it is just a car drive away. The way I got through the"occasions" was to realize how short the day/time of the celebrations last and then it's over. I could blow it or let the time pass and not drink. I also thought about how I would drink to much, feel like crap, and have tons of guilt for blowing it. That is how I got through all the celebrations for 15 months now. Oh by the way. Red wine was my "Devils water too...

I have started drinking seltzer and make sure that I always have a bottle with me so I have it to drink at home. In social situations I plan to just not drink alcohol, obviously, but if someone offers me a drink or asks why I will simply tell them I can't drink while on my anxiety medication.

That sounds like a good strategy. I know all too well that alcohol and anxiety medication don't mix well, so all the better. Your medication will work so much more effective.

When I read your post, I was struck with a thought... Maybe now that I am on the "other side," it would never cross my mind to question somebody about what they were (or were not) drinking. It just does not concern me.

Anyway, good luck!

Red wine is rat poison to me. It was usually red wine that I started back drinking with. It's like the sirens song wanting me to smash into the rocks. So I think of it as rat poison now

1-2

I had to re-gift a half gallon bottle of my favorite Irish whiskey this Christmas. Made me think of the evils that bottle brought out of me.9 days is great and stay strong.

This is a great thread. Alot of good advise here! Just one thing...Really? A locking liquor cabinet? If it was there long enough, I would probably end up taking a crowbar to it. Lol

RW - You are just starting to save your life. This is not a game. Do whatever it takes to stay sober. Get rid of the wine and perhaps cancel the birthday dinner. It would be different if you were a year sober but you aren't. There will be plenty of birthdays to celebrate and plenty of wine for normies later. Now is not the time to learn how to be around alcohol. Your wife should understand. Besides, birthdays are for kids.