I don't know if this will help but my brother has a similar job but helping people in the mental health sector, mostly dealing with suicide risks and some of the things he tells me that he deals with on a daily basis, I don't know how he copes at all! It is very important, even when you have such an important job such as yours, that you try and leave work, at work. He used to come home and smoke weed every night just to take him away from himself but then he started painting really intricate models. When he has a really hard day he comes home and throws himself into painting these things and he says the concentration and commitment required to doing it just right really takes him out of his thoughts and helps him relax and forget about the pressures of the day.
Maybe consider taking up a hobby like this? Whether its painting by numbers, colouring in books, crochet, knitting.. anything that will keep your hands and your mind occupied and off the events that occured that day.

Stay strong. You are right, You don't need a toxin at all. You are strong enough to deal with everything using your mind alone.

x

Butsukie makes a good point, it is important to shift our perception away from things that our alcoholism will attach itself too and give reason in it's suggestion of us taking a drink.

I was on track to be in a profession and deal with "professionals" with a history of racism, greed, and overall a mean spirited approach to doing business. After selfishly demanding I submit to it's will too many times, which ended up being the last time, I walked, and feel better than ever for it, and God is rewarding me spiritually with a major uptick in clarity and consciousness.

My point is we are not slaves to the demands of professions as recovering people. Our purpose is to function in life, to manage it, not to manage money for others, or to do the will of others, or to fight the realities of the job, using our own will power to "cope."

What about the young person's injuries was your alcoholism focusing on besides the obvious. Whenever I see someone innocent injured, I blame God, usually, subconsciously. As an alcoholic I am already born at odds with laws, rules, authority, and reality. My alcoholism uses my dislike of all these realities to suggest I drink, to "run" or "ignore" the pain of existing with these realities requires.

The pain of having idiots who can't see their own downfall in probably the near future, was too much for me to entertain a life in where I take orders and direction from them, their principles are those of inferior men, and coming home after dealing with their lectures and stupid advice, I wanted some relief. I needed the relief from the resentment that me having them in my life as teachers was the problem because they are not dependable, their love is conditional and self-interested.

I am some what nudging you to consider quiting such a high stress occupation, if you cannot accept that you'll have to do the inside work to see that profession as a opportunity to serve people and be unselfish. Your alcoholism focused on that injured child, and you cried because you had to give up control of helping him or her with their security as they lay in your arms. We both know they were secure, and you had the best intentions for them. Letting that child go, it was an unknown if the next person was going to take such an unselfish approach of securing them, so there was fear there, fear for another, which shows you care deeply for others, so you probably have some work to do on the reality that, you're alcoholism is turning a beautiful event where a young human was helped and saved into a pity party and anger manufacturing hoping to get you to the point of wanting a drink.

I constantly have to put positive spins on all realities, because my automatic response is a negative one, this is powerlessness, I am powerless because I have a brain that can't avoid alcoholism painting a picture of negativity and hopelessness as a default. Thank God for the steps, because when I do them without fear or doubt, it consistently turns my outlook from negative to positive in ALL areas.

Alcoholism is a disease of perception, our perceptions of what is going on without question are as a baseline wrong, so we must do the steps, or find some other way of reversing our perceptions in a positive way, that discredits alcoholism's reasoning for taking drinks. The more positive we tend to be the less thoughts of drinking we have.

"I do not need a toxin to dull my senses" is really an enlightened comment, since that's exactly what happens. Perhaps we should have mandatory classes in our public schools teaching students how to endure stressful times or careers without medicating. For me working out, studying the dharma and meditating regularly have replaced the need to drink or get high. I like living life untethered, free of addiction, and connecting with my true nature. Wishing you continued success in your walk.

If we could all make the world a better place and a safer place, I am sure it would be but unfortunately, that's not the way life is, so we are forced to deal with the good, the bad, the ugly and the sad. We start out life at negative one and we spend our entire lives adding two plus two and trying to make it equal four but it never does because that's not the way this world was designed.

It took me a long time and alot of alcohol and drugs combined with a near death experience, to learn I had been looking for peace and Love in the wrong places. When I began looking within myself through prayer and meditation, instead of the world around me, I began to know a peace like no other!

There is a little booklet called "Acceptance" by Vincent P Collins, which I had won through a raffle at an AA meeting, that changed my life. You can buy it on Amazon used for a few dollars. I highly recommend.

Good luck on your road to recovery, and may you find peace and happiness along the way.

God Bless

I deal with a lot of emotion in my job as a nurse also. Keep the faith. We'll make it through without alcohol.

I am empathetic to the extreme. I feel others pain and it just kills me when I can't fix something. But I can't fix the world, even though I want to. I just have to do what I can and let the rest be.

Life is complicated and emotional and real. Today I feel it and don't filter things thru alcohol. It hurts sometimes but it is also very good at other times. I pray for you to find peace

1is2many

When a doctor comes to work he puts on his professional mask. When he comes home he takes off the mask. He has compassion, as he takes care of his patients, but there is a unattachment. He doesn’t emotionally attach. If he did attach emotional, he would suffer. He would become an emotional wreck.
He works with compassion, and non-attachment. He can do his job without suffering. If he suffered emotionally would that help his patient or him for that matter? if we don’t put on that professional mask. working in the medical profession can be very depressing. If you have trouble figuring out how to do this, see a therapist and learn the tricks. Therapist must do it also. Imagine if they brought home all the heartaches that they listen to at work.

Thank you all for the heartfelt responses. I understand entirely that my ability to ensure I compartmentalise my experiences is paramount.
That one in particular just really hit home. I avoid doing paediatrics because I know that something within me (perhaps a maternal instinct) makes it hard for me to disconnect. It left me feeling raw, vulnerable and tried to weaken my desire to keep my mind and body clear, but i resisted :)
Tailor-Thank you for helping me to unravel my thoughts. Alcohol has always been a blocking mechanism for me, something self administered in order to numb, the pain within my soul. It became what appeared to be a good way of leaving work behind because I found it hard to keep work at work. I have an incredibly empathetic quality, to my own detriment and thats why I believe that I'm good at my job. I can connect with people on the very worst day of their lives and offer understanding and support. Having the ability to cut that connection rapidly is a learnt skill perhaps not innate to me. Each day after work, I now have a salt scrub shower/bath and I verbalise the words, "I cut the cords with those I met today". I cleanse my body and mind. Sobriety has allowed my mind to put things into perspective too, with a positive outlook. I can look at my day and say, 'I did all that I could, wholeheartedly' instead of being filled with negativity and self doubt. I'm still learning every day :)
Thank you for the book suggestion Bob! I will ensure that I track it down!!!
This is a quote relative to healthcare I love:

"What we have done for ourselves alone, dies with us. What we have done for others and the world, remains and is immortal"
-A.Pike

Peace and love to all :)

You are an angel to these people. Staying sober is your gift to them!