The Swimming Pool

My journey to long term, quality sobriety in AA reminds me of playing around in a swimming pool. For years, I sat on the edge of the pool at the shallow end, kicking my legs in the water, splashing water at the other people in the pool. I enjoyed being around the fellowship and playing with my friends in the pool. But whenever the water got cold, and I got uncomfortable, I left the edge of the pool and wandered off, isolating, to do my own thing. And that usually meant trouble. Inevitably, I would be drawn back to pool side, where everyone was having a good time and enjoying life. Again, I would play and splash, but not really get in the water to experience the full effect of the swimming pool.

Eventually, something happened. I dont quite know what it was. Maybe I was tired of just being a hanger-on. Maybe I realized that the people in the pool where really have a good time, and seemed to be happy. Maybe I wanted what they had.

So I decided I would do whatever necessary to join the people in the pool. I decided I would have to climb to the hi-dive board, face my fears and jump in the pool. Climbing up the ladder to the hi-dive was very difficult. I was scared, I didnt like being so far up. I wanted to turn around, abandon my efforts, and give up. But something inside me kept pushing me to take one rung after another willingness, maybe. Finally, I was on the diving board. Now I was really scared. I was so far up. The pool was so far down there. Again, something urged me to walk to the end of the board.

I was poised at the end of the diving board at the jumping off place. Pushing my fears down, I turned to God, said a prayer that I would survive this, and literally took a leap of faith. I leapt off the end of the board. One big ol cannonball splash later, and I was completely and totally soaking wet, in the deep end.

Yes, the water was cold, but I survived. Yes, the water was deep, but I didnt drown. I was completely immersed in water. Others in the pool turned to look at me and cheered. They told me how happy they were that I had joined them in the water.

As I stayed in the water, it didnt seem as cold as before. I was getting used to buoying up and down with the water. I was getting comfortable.

A smile came across my face as I realized I was were I wanted to be. I was eventually taught how to swim the great lengths of the pool. I learned from others how to perform beautiful dives off that once scary diving board. And lo and behold, with time, it was I who taught other newcomers how to swim and how to dive.

This is how I live my life in AA. I am completely and totally soaking wet with sobriety (please pardon the pun, not intended). I participate fully in my recovery. Thats the only way I know how to do it. I had to get in the water.