JW,
Nothing will happen in a day or two; even the world was not built in a day. I think you can give yourself credit and do what seems to be the most appropriate action, but work on the most important aspects of your recovery: you cannot love others and help others before you learn to love and help yourself first. One step at a time, this will take the pressure of expectations away.
Keep us posted.

She isn't pressuring me or continuously asking. She told me how she feels and her position and she's waiting for me to make a decision. I think the only standing in my way is stupid male pride.
I starting drinking several years ago when I was in a bad relationship. She was emotionally abusive and drinking made me feel better. And then, I just kept drinking because I wanted to.
I don't want to anymore. I don't need anything to make me feel better. I'm a good place. I have a perfect little girl who calls me daddy. I'm dating the gorgeous girl I've been in love with for more than a decade. I really don't have anything to complain about. But if I keep drinking, my life will go to shit. So, I have no reason at all to drink and every reason in the world not to.

How long have you been sober? Does your current Gf know about your alcoholism? Are you able to support yourself without moving in with her? I hear the fear you have in having a repeat from past bad experiences. And also your pride possibly diminished by moving in without a job.Keep your sobriety is #1. Only you know how strong you feel, and whether you can keep your sobriety while dealing with these feelings. If you need to wait while you get stronger than it sounds like your GF will be willing to wait. Waiting a month or too while your sort things out might not be a bad thing.
Again only you know you.
Good luck with which ever decision you make.

Sounds very good. Having someone to love is a great gift. I envy people like you.
My drinking took me way past the point of ever even dreaming of a relationship. Only an insane person would have found anything of interest in me, and I never even had that. The main problems that I had getting into a relationship when I tried getting sober before was that I had to deal with emotions that had been stunted because of my addictions. I had no clue of how to do anything sober. I didn't always know what was going on with me. I still felt that self imposed awkwardness and out of place feeling, that I now hear is common in alcoholics. Back then I felt I couldn't tell anyone about it, because I wouldn't have been able to express what I was confused about. I would end up mad, but not knowing why. I still didn't want anyone knowing what I was feeling.
Needless to say that relationship ended badly because I couldn't stay sober afterwards. I still feel very badly that I couldn't be the person I should have been, but I need some time to grow. Emotions can be pretty powerful and confusing to manage, and sometimes we need a little time to grow and learn. You often hear in recovery that our emotions stopped growing the same time our drinking started. I do believe that this happens a lot. With me it sure did.
Sometimes it's hard enough just staying sober for the day, and I really can't afford to be distracted by the emotions involved in a relationship.
When that relationship that I was in ended, it really just about killed me. I couldn't get over it for about 2 years, and yes, I went back out for another 15 or so years. But damn, did that relationship ever make a lot of things seem so much better for a broken hearted alcoholic that wanted to be loved. I felt I didn't need to do a lot of things for my recovery. I was" alright now."
So, it's really up to you to decide what you want to do. I've seen many people keep relationships through recovery, and live very well, and happy. All I know is that I don't want to be the cause of hurt again, and I need some time for me.
So that's just some sharing about my experiences. Hope it helps. Have a great day. James

Still sober was the most important part of that post. That's fantastic!
It's not easy but you can do it. Personally I needed, and still need, support. I've wanted to drink a bunch of times over the past 5 years. Problem for me was before AA and the support of a sponsor, a program, etc. when i wanted to do something, I did it. i didnt know I could feel stuff and not react.
Anyway, move in, don't move in, get a job, don't get a job. Stay sober. At least today. Don't drink today, and you'll be just fine.

JW~~

I don't think it's stupid male pride that makes you think twice about moving in with your girlfriend. Why not give yourself until you've secured a new position before moving in?

If I recall correctly, when you lived with your GF previously, you had gotten in trouble with the drinking, right?

I would be hesitant about moving back into that situation. It may make it very easy to slip back into unhealthy behavior.

It wasn't her or the situation that caused me to drink. I still hadn't seen any harm in it and I did something stupid. Now, I see things clearly and now I need to stop.

Hi JW. I sobered up in '92. My marriage of 15 yrs then was rocky when I stopped drinking. I had emotions coming at me I hadn't felt for a very long time, if ever. Luckily, I stayed sober through AA and the magic of the 12 Steps.

Here's the thing: If I had trouble keeping my established marriage together, I'm just wondering if you have a plan B if things get messy? I'm glad you want to contribute. God puts incredible people in our lives.
Try not to run her off as so many of us have done.

And like sticky, I was lucky to have a sponsor I could call and fellowship around me during the rough times. Especially when my husband left me for 8 weeks. I had a yr and 1 day.

I hope only the best for you and your continued sobriety.


Hugs,

Dianna

Pure speculation on my part, but based on what she has said when she was posting here, and what you've shared, i think you will be fine living together. You are not a leech, you are her partner. You'll find another job, and in the meantime you'll both contribute in the best ways you can.

Thanks. To be completely honest, I think it would actually be better for my sobriety if I was with her instead of living with my mother. My mother is a great person and she's done a lot for me and I will always be thankful, but she's insanely depressed. Being around that all the time - it kind of rubs off on you. Right now, my daughter is here with me and she cheers us both up, but she's going back to her mother's next week.
On the other hand, my girlfriend is a ray of sunshine. She's been through hell and back and somehow, she made it through without drugs or alcohol - and honestly, she would have more of an excuse than most - and she's picked herself up and put her life back together. She's almost always in a good mood and she brightens a room just by walking in. We have a great relationship. We don't argue - at all. I just think its a much better environment for me.
So, I think I will go back. After my daughter leaves because moving is much easier when you're not chasing a small child.
And, she's going through something really personal right now and needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes, and it would be easier to provide that shoulder if she didn't have to drive over here at 1am. She's going to be ok. She just has to do something to make peace with part of her past.