Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Stick a fork in 2020, it's done. Final countdown here we go! Dealing with this year has been a "one day at a time" scenario. Like my sobriety, the whole damn world may crumble in an impulsive decision. Despite knowing the devastation such a decision can incur, it still climbs into my brain and dances around like a cruel joke.
I wish i had the superhero resolve to have some finality to my commitments. I heard Alice Cooper was in a bad way upon waking in a hospital after a bender and decided he would quit drinking for good. The story asserts that he has not had a drink hence.
My husband decided he would quit smoking, something a friend of mine had struggled & struggled with, and literally that was it. Some people are able to do that. Some people have a true epiphany, or health scare, and can walk away for good without looking back. I'm trying to be that person. I want to be that person who flips a switch & can suddenly shift a behavior that has defined decades of my character.
I am still sober. I've had a few sneaky moments where I plot to undo my progress. In fact, right now I am tempted to quit writing this and have wine for breakfast. I didn't say i was classy. What stands up to that saboteur is a conversation my son had with me. He said I will be a drinker for life. He has given up on me changing for good.
It breaks my heart to think that he no longer believes my promises. My word has lost it's gravity. It floats like so much bullshit in 2020. Empty promises to keep the peasants believing help is coming but is always blocked by some evil scheming.
When i dig deeper, i think about what is the real impulse here? What is going on that has me triggered? Honestly I'm not in crisis. We are feeling the financial pressure of this corona crap, but we are always broke so that's not a new sensation for me.
I managed to get an amp financed for my son who just got a guitar which was supposed to be under the tree but my bad. The amp is under the tree, and almost bigger than.. My other son is getting the gift he wanted after some creative financial wizardy, though it is still in transit so fingers crossed! Husband & I have been pretty productive with some bigger jobs around the house, though no one wants to deal with the cat puke in the basement so maybe it will petrify & turn back into basement dust.
There's not a dramatic thing right now that has sent me spiraling. Honestly i really want to listen to Lana Del Rey drunk & emote & dance in my head as 45 year old women day drunk dancing is just not as cool as it use to be. Idk why I can't do that without the alcohol but somehow it's not as satisfying. It sounds innocuous but odds are the one bottle will not be enough and then second bottle will be too much and then omg mom could have been baking cookies, working on her new career, made some art or helped my child with his mountain of school work but instead she's throwing up and being super bitch for the holiday.
Sigh. Ok. I've talked myself out of it. Gonna get through another day and soon it will be many many days and then hopefully years. I guess there's some cat puke with my name on it. Petrified puke theory works like herd immunity theory, it doesn't.
-
Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
But now I focus on the fact I. Alcoholic and if I drink one then it’s off to the races.
Honestly the only reason I made it over 7 years is focus.
I am now looking down the road at what’s coming , not in the mirror at booze
If you are like me then the drinking will always be there waiting, you just have to find something else to focus on.
1-2
I didn’t when I quit. It has been a brave new world of learning that I matter. The chaotic way that I perceived how my life was is the real shift that happened for me.
I know I’ve said this before but a daily walk has an amazing power to reset this perception. When I first quit and started this practice my mind would race along and I would get home and realize that I had been in a blur of my jumbled thoughts. I was passing through the world and not being aware that I was IN the world. After months of walks I found that shift where I was aware of the birds and the sunlight and the way my body felt. Thoughts slowed down to a sane flow.
If you have seen the Matrix then you know what I’m saying. The scene near the end when Neo realizes that he has the power to step back from the drama that he was so caught up in (fighting agents) and his actions begin to happen as if he was an observer. This is the shift that allows me to ‘be in the world but not OF the world’ Jesus. (fan, not a follower)
Take a deep breath, step back and just love yourself. No alcohol necessary:)
Merry Christmas
Hope everyone has a lovely holiday! I have never made lots of cookies before & hope to get in the zone today. Expect my next post will be written w fatter fingers!