Yes Do not do step four without a sponsor!

A sponsor is very important in this step.
They direct you and keep you on task. When this step is finished there are questions they should be asking to go over the inventory before you do the next step.

If you can't find a sponsor right away, this should help:

http://oa-centraljersey.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/155-4th-Step-Questions.pdf

What are the struggles? Do you know that step four is necessary because at that point you have identified that selfishness through an ego, that has either no knowledge of a loving and caring God, or has no faith in a loving and caring God, is running the show with defective characteristics that produce harm instead of help for yourself and others?

I would read Chapters 1-4 repeatedly to get a solid background on why step four is so helpful and becomes reasonable first, before attempting the step, if you are going to do it sponsorless.

In my experience, all step four was is how much resentment, fear, guilt and shame ruled my life while drinkinkg. I found that my mind, ran by an ego, had no actual power over producing resentment, fear, guilt, and shame, and that reality needed to be seen as a liability, and what the ego was capable of doing, which was activating resentment, fear, guilt, and shame with selfishness, dishonesty, inconsideration, and unreasonable anxiety, was what was making me defective.

Once the step showed me I was defective, and I could admit it to another in step five, I then had a great reason to commit to a relationship with a higher power that could remove all those defects.

Great to see that you really want to understand it, that's a big deal. Good Job.

If you cannot or do not want to work with a sponsor (I do not have a sponsor), you can do Step 4 work with a therapist, counselor, or a clergy person. If you go to Amazon books and enter "AA Step 4" there are several choices, including at least one book written specifically for women.

there's 155 questions on that link Bob, are we supposed to answer them all ???
I am also up to Step 4, without a sponsor, so maybe we could do it together? I am finding it very ovewhelming with all those questions?

My first 4th Step taken with my first sponsor came directly out of Chapter 5 in the Big Book. There is quite of bit on step four there and they ask some serious stuff. Try that and then try Step 4 in the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Lots of stuff there for a good 4th Step. Remember when doing Step Four it is about healing you not condemning you. You are not a bad person gettng good but a sick person getting well.

Page 65 - 71 of the Big Book contains the complete instructions for Step 4 and the 12 & 12 as already suggested. I believe that KISS - Keep it so simple - is best. It is my feeling that extensive lists of questions, worksheets, etc only serve to make a formidable task more intimidating and difficult. And it doesn't have to be perfect and all-inclusive. Some people think the 4th Step as to include every single resentment one has ever had. I am of the opinion that if we address the elephants and corral them, we can go after the mice later. So go after the big impediments to your well-being. Once those have been identified and addressed, you can work on other issues. I completed my first 4th step with my sponsor, and then about 3 years later, completed another 4th step because a couple of other issues bubbled to the top of my consciousness.



The basic format is pretty simple.

I am angry at ___________________ because ________________ and it affects my ___________________________________________________.

Start with the list of people, institutions, etc that you are angry at. Then list why you are angry. Once you have done that, try to determine what parts of our psyche were threatened. If you can't figure that part, it can wait until your 5th Step, when you share "the nature of your wrongs" with another human being (usually one's sponsor).

It took me about a weekend to complete my 4th Step, and it only took a couple of pages in a spiral notebook.

My best advice is to just start writing. From your heart. Also remember, "God can not heal what I don't reveal."

that makes it so much simpler, and yes, have realised that two beginners shouldn't do it together, we need someone with experience to guide us...................................kiss method is best for most things, that's a weight off my shoulders, then it doesn't seem so overwhelming and is then achievable, see, we all help each other here, love it.