they printed a pamphlet that is a guide to sponsorship...it is usually free at the meetings of AA...get to meeting and grab one....hugs bill

For me, a sponsor needs to have a sponsor and has worked and continues to work the 12 Steps...

Hello Europagrl,

I had a short list of potential sponsors and there was a new name at the top of the list after each meeting. Looking back now, I can see that all but one of those people, although they had great qualities, would have been unsuitable sponsors. One was well spoken and intelligent but did not attend many meetings and later struggled. One maintained that Step 1 was the only step he needed. Another lived a good and sober life but really knew nothing about the steps.

The person that I eventually asked was the one that I was not that drawn to at first. He always shared about the steps and seemed to take it very seriously and to tell the truth, I was a bit afraid of him. One thing I knew though was that the easier, softer way would be useless and that this man would have no bullshit. If I ever need proof that there is a Higher Power, all I have to do is think about how I came to have him as a sponsor. He has turned out to be the best that anyone could hope for, and it was not through my wisdom or intelligence that the choice was made.
The best advice that I could give you is not to look for
a sponsor at all. Instead, LISTEN for a sponsor. Should be someone who has done the programme, at least up to Step 9 and who is living by the suggested principles. You can often identify such people at meetings because they are happy and joyful. Your sponsor does not have to younger than you or to be your friend. A good indication is that she has sponsored other people, but dont rule out the new person either. Sponsoring is a two way process, and the sponsor will get as much benefit from it as you.

thanks.....It is gonna be journey

Lots of good advise and information here.

A sponsee and sponsor relationship is a journey...a partnership if you will....it's a win win situation

This is a journey of uncovering, discovering, discarding and recovering.

uncovering the problems
discovering the solution
discarding old ideas and beliefs
recovering the spiritual self

It is and has been one of the most rewarding and fullfilling aspects of my recovery. As both sponsor and sponsee. Isn't it just like that though...we learn as we attempt to teach. we teach as we attempt to learn.

Sponsor has a geniune humility....not placing themselves above or below one, but rather walks with one by one's side. As a sponsor by now understands that it is a spiritual journey and reliance on that loving power is all important and that sponsor is not the power but rather a guide.

You will know when you find the right one for you. Going to the meetings before and after the meetings, getting to know others and letting them get to know you...get phone numbers and use them, listen and watch others.

Ree

First i suggest with a sponsor Women with women ,Men with Men.

And sometimes that can be hard because some of the women i have met in AA can't get on with other women.

I would look for someone with some time up in recovery. Someone you can tell who is happy who talks about the steps and BB and lives them especially someone who doesn't gossip "People who gossip to you will gossip about you." and who seems to be at every meeting you go to.. I know I didn't get sober to be miserable I had enough of that while drinking.

But after saying that you may have to ask yourself do i want a friend or a sponsor sometimes they can't be both.

And if you see someone you would like to ask just go up to them and ask and if they say no just ask someone else.

This is your life and the quality of life you want for yourself.

With all the other posts hopefully you have something to go on.

Enjoy the journey ...

God Bless

Lionel

Sober2Day is so right! I have seen the sponcee cliques - where they all talk about each other behind their backs! The sponsor of this one clique is loving the drama - she prides herself on not working the Steps with her sponcees (!!) - she says that these women need someone to discuss their problems with. I suppose these gals can say that have a sponsor ,,, the easy way out of doing the work for their sobriety. But they often end up relapsing! I'm not kidding.

Then they come to someone like me - and I start with Step One ... and they want to hit Step 5. And I "try" to take them through the Big Book - and then before you know it, I'm doing more work than they are - which is usually none. Then they drop me as a sponsor because I'm too AA!! What the?? Just doing what was passed on to me - and I haven't relapsed.

Cabledude is right on the spot. This Program of AA gave me a New Life!! Take it seriously - find a sponsor that takes it seriously and can still have fun with it. Someone who is caring, gentle ... but firm when you need it.

i basically tried to get a sponsor very quickly because thats what i was told i needed to do! but luckily i heard a women share and i could relate to her experience and i could see she was living life well and happy. she talked about working the steps which is fundamental for me. but yeh i repeat what has been said there is literature around sponsorship and i would recommend reading that. Also i was confused at first how the relationship works so ask questions. when is best to call you? i thought at first my sponsor would call me! but the way it works with us is its my responsibility to call my sponsor and reach out for help. i have to put in the action and my sponsor guides me through the steps

I made a lot of mistakes in who I sought out as sponsors - my motives were wrong I mean - the fault didn't lay with the people I chose to ask.

I was a working career woman back then in a high status occupation, well educated. So I sought out women who I thought were successful on the outside - had ther trappings of a life of external success etc. I was very much still wedded to the idea that if I have my outsides appearing like I had my shit together (and that image was both to myself and to others), then I would be OK. Of course all the sands shift under us and money, career, property all come and go ndit's very shakey ground to walk on.

It ultimately became more about changing my inner life, where I could then have more stabilit and more hope of consistent peace as I'm less depemdant on outside things to make me happy. I'm still on that journey from seeking people places and things that will tell me I'm OK, but I have progressed and I have thus, also progressed in the people I seek out in AA and particularly sponsors or trusted members of AA, and also in the wider world.

So I would look for a sponsor whi is 100% committed to the 12 Steps, who lives her life outside the rooms of AA according to those principles.

I was at an AA meeting and this guy walks up to me and said he'd be my sponsor, he bought me a book that had all the meeting dates and times and offered to pick me up to go to some meeting at a church I wasn't familiar with....boy!,after that I never showed up again! I was getting "pervert vibes" from him!!

look for someone who is living the kind of life you want, who does service work and is connected, someone who walks like they talk. cream always rises to the top....

The BB says "If you want what we have..." I applied that thinking when looking for a sponsor. I looked for someone who was a living example of the kind of sobriety I wanted.

WHAT IS A SPONSOR?

An A.A. sponsor is not a professional caseworker or counselor of any sort. A sponsor is not someone to borrow money from, nor get clothes, jobs, or food from. A sponsor is not a medical expert, nor qualified to give religious, legal, domestic or psychiatric advice, although a good sponsor is usually willing to discuss such matters confidentially, and often can suggest where the appropriate professional assistance can be obtained.

A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who can help solve only 1 problem: how to stay sober. And the sponsor has only 1 tool to use--personal experience, not scientific wisdom.

Sponsors have been there, and often have more concern, hope, compassion, and confidence for us than we have for ourselves. They certainly have had more experience. Remembering their own condition, they reach out to help, not down.

Living Sober, page 27

lol alkie53. thanks for the giggle of the day. while you might be exceedingly charming and great to look at i seriously doubt the dude was putting a pervert vibe on you. i could be wrong but he probably was just a little overzealous in his approach. keep an open mind and let us know how this one turns out. loling!